I feel I am splitting my family up, and I don't understand how I can't control this.

[Onceaborderer]

I feel I am unable to show feelings anymore, yesterday was my aneversary and I just wasn't able to make an effort. My wife feels so alone and let down and I can see she is starting to fall appart. All I want to do is show her what she means to me and how much I care for her, but then I have periods of not wanting to know her, why why why. I love her and can't show it, or tell her. Why am I unable to show empathy, why is it so hard even when I can see it is destroying anything my wife has left for me ???

[leeleeleelee]

if you are aware then correct it

it is to easy to get in to the woes as there are a lot of them

you say you feel unable to care

your mind is saying diff

love and be loved

it is also very hard to love anything 24/7

look out for more answers they will come

good luck

[bikerlifestyle]

correcting it is the issue here, i have the same problem, i know what behaviour i do is right and wrong and what society says my feelings should be in certain circumstances

but when i come to the time when those issues or behaviours need to be controlled or applied, then its as if you think you are doing the right thing but you are not, and trying to force those feelings and behaviours through is either impossible or comes through in a very forced manner which takes away the meaning of those actions

and i suspect like me the moments of not wanting to know her are not really feeling of dislike,hate or any other emotion but phases of emotional numbness where its hard to feel anything at all

but i dont know how to fix this either so cant offer anything other than maybe a shared experience

[Danslatete]

do yourself a favour and her, let her see your message here!

Barin injuries can knock emotions all to pot. I used to cry at everything, then i would laugh at everything. I didnt feel like i needed to laugh but i knew socially i had to show something, or sometimes if i was upset i would laugh, when people went nuts at me because of something i had done wrong i would laugh even though i was scared. It happened in a petrol station when i paid for wrong pump. I was looking at the number and i didnt know what i had said was wrong till the man tried to pay. All hell broke loose and all i could do was laugh even though they were ripping me to shreds.

I told my children to 'f' off even tho i would never say that normally. I never knew what i had said or done to upset people which didnt help.

I did get help and things have gotten better. I think it was a neuro phsych something.

Try not to be hard on yourself, but maybe leave little notes for your wife if its easier than chatting face to face,

[Onceaborderer in reply to Danslatete]

If you don't mind me asking, what help did you get and how did it help you.

[Dorsetcharlie]

Could you write her a letter when you are feeling calm, expressing all of this? That she is still there means she must love you, give her the chance to see it is worth it. Good luck x

[Alonso]

Let her read what you have written here, xx

[Hidden]

I had similar giving my Mum real grief after my accident.

I'm ashamed to say that I said some very nasty things to her on one occasion and also damaged some furniture in front of her.

The result was that my dear Mum went to the doctors to discuss the matter. What the doctor told her was interesting, it was: "It's not unusual for those affected to hurt the ones they love."

My Mum stood by me and I eventually got better even to the point where I was able to apologise for past things and thank her for her care.

Hope you sort things.

[Alicedenham]

I became a jealous monster after by SAH, someone I have never been before. It drove my husband bonkers me questioning him all the time when he was going out. I realised what i was doing and I told him, i didn't know why i was behaving that way, now if I starting act that way he is more understanding and tolerant and the situation is diffused. Let her know and give the chance to understand. May be get her to read 'the letter from brain' it might help her see things a little better. Things will improve, be patient and communicate. Good luck.

[zainey-lainey]

.She needs realise it is not you that is in control of your feelings. Its your feelings that are out of your control.

There is advice and information as to how a family member/friend can adjust and relate to a person with a head poorly!.If your love is worth hanging onto then she can find a way whilst you have lost your way!

She needs to come on here or GOOGLE. get as much knowledge on you and your illness to be able to handle you hun.Then she will understand all you say above.

MY biggest fear is people who can hurt me! as my emotions are intensified... so i now know if i get hurt i will be a mess-unbalanced. I am paranoid now and try to stay away from those who can hurt me. The thing is that can be anything from british gas customer services when i ring up and they misunderstand me coz of my cogs not working and get prickerly with me -to- somoene being hard,blunt and unsensative. IGuess thats coz i am so sensative now.Oh i Hate being this way and no one seems to UNDERSTAND my avoidance of that feeling that i cannot cope with.HURT. They just think i am pathetic or wet!

I Just wish folks would try as hard to learn about us with tbi's as they do learning how to live a healthy lifestyle etc.

[headwayuk Partner Headway]

Hello Onceaborderer,

Do you think you could ask your wife to call our helpline? We're here for both of you, and could have a talk through things in confidence and help her to access the information and support she needs. Getting this could perhaps take some of the pressure off both of you?

Our helpline can be contacted on 0808 800 2244 or [e-mail].

Best wishes,

Headway.

[Allsorted]

I went through a simialr thing, i was pulling my family apart, arguing and at that point refused to accet anything was wrong. i couldnt accept the new me.

2 years on i'm on a high dose of anti depressant/anxiety tablets but i have had 2 therapies that have helped massively.

CBT helped me to learn how to direct, control and rationalise my behaviour. (its far from perfect and the old me but it has improved and thats all can ask really)

Couples therapy - we attended together and individdually it was so nice to have a safe enviroment with a referee type person to control the direction and get to route of issues.

Its my first day on here so i hope this helps and im not being an idiot

x

[cat3 in reply to Allsorted]

Just wanted to say I think this is excellent advice & you're definitely not an idiot !

Best wishes x