Feeling a bit rubbish

[Julesgettingthere]

Good morning family !

Just saying hello.

I deleted 6 months worth of work about a week ago... work I have no idea how i did - i just keep trying and eventually something turns out sort of half ok. Trying to start again. Work are very understanding face to face but i know i have let them down and feel maybe I am a liability.

Not sure if i should continue trying, my employer is a charity and I am gutted I cant produce what i used to. Not for want of trying.

Any words of wisdom from you wonderful lovely people ?

Jules (notgettingveryfar).

[Hidden]

Don't give up Jules everybody makes mistakes. Keep going.Others who are well will be thinking the same as you when they've made a similar mistake and they don't have to work twice as hard as you do to get to the same place or climb the same mountain.

Just think i gave 100% ,i have 24 hours in my day and I'm human don't beat yourself up just keep smiling

xx

[Julesgettingthere in reply to Hidden]

Hi Karen

Thats what my husband said.

I dont have a choice really do I. Nobody else is going to employ me and I have to earn a living to feel of value in our relationship.

Its just so hard. If I could just complete one project and been happy with it it would give me confidence. I think I was just at that stage when I deleted it. Sods law I think they call it.

I just dont know how I have become so careless.

Jules

[Hidden in reply to Julesgettingthere]

I came to the same thinking ' Nobody else is going to employ me ' after i struggled at work.

You can't lose out by continuing to work there and doing your best. As long as they are aware of your health issues. Don't forget they have to make reasonable adjustments and allow for so many mistakes and help you in your work.

Unfortunately i myself had to resign because my employer wasn't so reasonable but i stayed strong and now work for a wonderful employer....myself

x

[Julesgettingthere in reply to Hidden]

I had the same idea myself ... but the sadest thing is i cant think of anything i could make to make a living yet.

I am so pleased you did.

Jules

[Hidden in reply to Julesgettingthere]

I didn't try try hard to think of anything to make lots of money. I just clean big houses.

I needed to do something practical that doesn't use my brain. People always want their houses cleaned.

I still get job satisfaction because i do a good job and i have pride in what i do and it gives me a bit of exercise too-gets the seretonin going

I only do about 2 1/2 days a week at the moment and spend an hour one day doing the account/book work. That's enough for me and about all i can cope with for now but in happy with it.

x

[Julesgettingthere in reply to Hidden]

Hi Karen

I have physical injuries that prevent me from doing heavy bending work. I was very fit for my age before. I used to use my brain to earn money (finance) but I cant keep my brain from sleeping.

What does remain is a strong urge to do more.

I went to an appointment with the Pain Team today and they said I should be careful with my pushing myself and getting highs as I get depressed sometimes.

I sound a right mess, but that's not the truth. Just had a knock with loosing that work recently. The fact that I was able to loose it rather than actually not having the work really gets to me. Not sure if that makes sense.

I cant accept that my brain is different and I cant accept that my body will not get back to how it was. People tell me 'shes not coming back'. But I dont think thats possible. Its like somebody is saying I have been deleted.

My husband bought me a paint set for Christmas- I love to paint. Maybe I am an undiscovered famous artist to be !

Jules

[Hidden in reply to Julesgettingthere]

I understand where youre coming from when you say you still have the urge to do more Jules. I'm still like that but get frustrated because i can't do the brain side any more.

I too had important jobs in management but now cant even read a Newspaper save the headlines and bit more.

I think because you lost your work you are beating yourself up and having a downer about everything else . This one thing has escalated and seems to have made you feel inadequate and think what you cant do.Don't let work do that to you.

What about what you can do?. No matter what happens or what anybody tells you YOU did that work yourself and should be proud. I couldn't have done it!

So it got lost..these things happen...nobody died..

Have a go at that art. It will relax you and take your mind off all this if nothing else.Go for it!!

x

[Julesgettingthere in reply to Hidden]

sound words Karen.

Yes I did do it didnt I.

x

[Hidden in reply to Julesgettingthere]

xx

[cat3]

Hi Jules. Sorry to hear about your problem ; it must have been bothering you all over Christmas. But is there no one you know who could retrieve this deleted material for you. My pal has a lady who comes to her aid from time to time and recently charged her £20 to retrieve some files she'd lost.

Just an idea........................

Hope you can find a way round the mishap without feeling you should leave.

It's a rotten feeling I know, but we're human & we all make mistakes occasionally.

Cat x

[Julesgettingthere in reply to cat3]

Hi Cat

My husband understands the IT side and tried some software to get it back but there were only broken fragments - he said it is lost.

I have some of the work i did a few weeks ago that I had e-mailed to him when I needed help with something - its a start, but I did my best work - the work I was sort of becoming pleased with over the last few months. Now I cant remember what they were and even if I did I wouldn't remember what it was I did to get there. Quite a mess really.

If I had just backed up or made a hard copy.

My biggest fear is that work are quietly angry about it and my card may be marked, or that they think I am taking a lend and not working when I say I am.

I will start again.

Thank you for your words, very much appreciated

x

[Hidden in reply to Julesgettingthere]

Hi Jules

Sorry to hear about this, very frustrating. I know I am probably stating the obviuos and you and husband have no doubt tried! But.... have you checked the recycle bin, or whatever it's called? Unless you have emptied the bin it should be in there.

Also I was writing an essay once and my computer crashed and I hadn't saved for ages, so the original up to the last save was in the correct folder, but the huge bit I hadn't saved the computer very kindly saved under auto save and a bizarre code with loads of xxxzzzz. it took me ages to find it but it was there!

Maybe check the computers auto saves altho if you actually deleted it it may not have auto saved? Good luck

[Julesgettingthere in reply to Hidden]

Hello Hedgehog

Problem is saved it before sending but saved it as a blank document - I thought I was just over writing it with my aditional work. Its gone.

I hadn't really thought about my rightd at work - i used to be in charge, its a very new world.

Jules

[Sem2011]

Hi Jules

I really feel for you, it must be so frustrating, trying so hard, and losing the work. we are human brain injury or no brain injury people make mistakes. I had previously started a new job and managed to lose somehow 30 new contracts on computer hard drive. it was the first 2 or 3 weeks into the job. I felt sick and sure the organisation where going to post my P45! But they did not.

I must be very difficult, but you mentioned you thought your work in your mind was coming to a satisfactory standard, try and build on this and believe you can achieve working. I hope I do not offend you, but perhaps for future reference keeps written notes of key points of work, back the work up. Employers do by law have to make reasonable adjustments for employing people with differing needs. They could be view to be discriminatory if not taking 'needs into account'. To try and allay your fears they cannot dismiss you for one mistake. Performance management would have to be implemented, verbal and written warnings recorded. Employers cannot sack people for one mistake unless gross misconduct , I.e. theft or such like.

I hope this helps

Sara x

[Julesgettingthere in reply to Sem2011]

Hi Sem

Lots of advice coming from my friends on the forum - bottom line is keep going.

I guess I am not the only one to be in this nposition.

Funny we dont appreciate what we do without thinking pre accident.

Regards

Jules

[Nutkin33]

Just keep trying if you can. As long as you are not too gutted when it doesn't work out! Good luck! X

[moo196]

Hi J,

Sounds like a horrible experience - can't offer much consolation regarding the "lost" material ( sounds like you have tried all avenues ) but wonder if there is something technical that you can set in place for the future - have some software to back things up every 20 mins or something ? I know I am going to be asking my employer for something like that when I go back to work next year ......

Hope things are improving for you and you feel a little better about the issue.

K

[Julesgettingthere in reply to moo196]

we dont have much choice really do we Moo.

It gives me a lot of strength just listening to people like you on this site.

Thank you Moo

Jules

[trisi]

have you tried contacting Access To Work (google them on GOV.UK) they can fund (usually at little or no cost to your employers) , a support worker who could help with a small amount of admin each week as you have a disability. They will basically help with any 'reasonable adjustment' as it's cheaper than somebody losing their job (and claiming benefits/not paying tax etc) so it's self funding when you look at the big picture. It also reminds your employer that you do have a disability and about their duty to support you. It's worth contacting them for advice as they may have other ideas but i do know they have helped other employees with BIs and will be familiar with the type of situation you describe. You sound amazing- I wish you all good luck in the future with your employment (and obviously , life in general) x

[Julesgettingthere]

Hi Trisi, Jules here.

Sorry I have just seen your post from 2 days ago.

I will have a look at Access to Work - thank you for that - will let you know what happens.

Returned to my water aerobics this morning - took a lot to push me there but am pleased I did it - first time i have gone alone.

It was a bit like a comedy sketch - got there and became muddled about where to get changed and how to access the pool. Then the locket ate my 20p and I lost my wrist band allowing me in.

Someone somewhere gave me a card to use in these circumstances (it explains I have a head injury) and it worked a treat. Some caring individual showed e around again and helped with the locker.... oh well, felt stupid but completed the exercises anyway. Nobody knows me anyway !

I am trying to rebuild the work I lost before Christmas, worried my employer will think I haven't been working. All I can do is start again with it and hope I produce something useful for them.

Hope your Christmas was ok.... mine was lovely and quiet.

Regards

Jules