Generally feeling down

[Flumptious]

Hello. I haven't popped in here for ages.

I received my TBI in 2005, when I fell off my bicycle in France. After 18 nonths off work, I went back to my job as a university lecturer, and I was happy there for 10 years, but then the department closed down. I tried to move into school teaching, but as I didn't get a place on a training course, I eventually moved into working in administration.

I had one job for a couple of years, but it as a pain to get to - I have to get the train, I can't drive because I am officially blind, even though I can see well enough for most other things.

I then moved into working in university-based administration, somewhere that was easier to get to. However, they did not let me past my probation period. To be honest, i am not sure what I had been doing wrong, to deserve that, but still.

I was lucky, and I found another university administration job immediately. However, my probation will end in two weeks time, and they say that I am not going to pass my probation here, either.

I am not quite sure what I am doing so wrong, I think it is mainly memory-based. I have contacted Access To Work, and they are going to do some work assessments with me, but they are talking about a long period of time, and I do not know whether my boss is going to extend my probation to let all that happen, or whether he will just say "Bye-bye!" the week after next.

If they kick me out, I am never going to find another job - who will want someone who has been kicked out of her last two jobs? So yes, I am feeling rather down. Well, I am feeling like a complete failure!

[paxo05]

Hi there,I can understand your frustration as after my bi i was determined to prove them wrong and return to work.

My wmployer covered my job ( with three peole ) for nearly two years before i was called into a meeting with them.

I understood i would struggle physically with my job but was adamant the clerical side would be ok. I was given a selection of paperwork , which if i was honest may have well been in latin as i understood none of it.

Sadly asmitted it was hopeless so applied to retrain. It was decided that to prove my ability i would retrain on a basic computor course.

Yep you guessed it after 18 months i admitted defeat.

Since then i have managed various voluntary work off and on.

I have constantly felt a failure in the past but have resigned myself to the fact that me and permanent employment do not mix.

I am content with voluntary work and take value in what i do.

Pax

[Hidden]

Hi, what do you like to do outside of work?

[Painting-girl]

That's disheartening for you Flumtious, so sorry.

I think Pinkvision is on the right track, have an inventory of your skills and see if you can meet a need by working for yourself?

I've managed just two mornings in a voluntary office job now, and caused a splitting headache both times, doing what I could have done easily in the past. So am feeling pretty crestfallen, but it must be really hard to have done the probation.

Keep in touch and let us know what happens

[Leaf100]

Hi Flumptious,

Sorry to hear you are going through all this, it is hard to take job loss at the best of times, but with a brain injury things are just that much more difficult.

Have you contacted Headway?

You were able to do some jobs, but maybe some of the skills needed in the ones you have had are not your strong suit. It sounds like you need some testing to find out what your skill set is, and some advice on what obligations your employer may have to you.

People do work with brain injuries - they need to know what they can and can't do, and we tend to assume we can still do things we did before, or things we thought were easy before.

I think contacting Headway and maybe someone who knows about labour law (a lawyer of some sort) would be good as part of your fact finding mission.

Please let us know how you make out with it all.

best wishes,

Leaf

[Pairofboots]

Hi Flumptious, I haven't for once got any pearls of wisdom. Don't think of yourself as failing. If you have done your best, you have succeeded. It is the job that has failed you. This is an opportunity. Reassess what you want. What are your, possibly buried, desires for life? How can you maybe achieve these? If you are struggling, have a chat with your GP. You have made contact with Access to Work, ok it might help you with your current position, if not the next. It isn't over until you decide. Best wishes 🍀

[bonfire]

There is life beyond ‘normal work’. Try volunteering, you do it on your own terms when you feel up to it. It is still work, you are still contributing and leading a purposeful life. Don’t beat yourself up. Best wishes

[Marnie22]

Hi. I am so sorry you have had such difficulties. The helpline at Scope, (0808 800 3333,) might be able to give you some advice, they helped me a lot. They are very good on employment issues. Best wishes.

[Hidden]

Hi Flump, you are quite articulate and your intelligence is clearly still in tact. I feel your frustration. Am wondering if you have had an independent Neuropsychology assessment since your bike accident? Your current cognitive strengths and impairments will be identified. You are not a failure. It’s the system that is the failure. I do wish you all the best with your current/future employment.

[Pedal2]

Hello Flumptious, I have to say that your story really resonates with my own and therefore I imagine many others. Following my fall and BI I eventually returned to my previous job, however it was different to your story as I only lasted 2 and a half years before I was offered redundancy. In those early days (where days equal years in reality) of my recovery I had honestly not recovered enough to do my old job so on that occasion I feel that the redundancy package etc. was just.

However, after losing this original job things started getting more like your story. First of all I spent my job free time seeing a clinical psychologist and working on getting better. I even went to university and got a degree after being declined time after time in interviews. Nowadays I teach English overseas but find myself sometimes facing unexpected issues with customers and employers who never really specify the problem but I sometimes lose customers or jobs for what to me appears to be no reason at all.

Whilst I am perfectly aware that I am not the person I was prior to my accident, I try hard at work and work hard so these negative losses are completely mystifying. I have to say for a year back in 2003 or 2004 I too went to lots of interviews and got nowhere but keep going. Something will eventually happen to brighten your day, normally in the most unexpected circumstances if I were to use my own life as a guide to how these things happen.

So sorry my response offers no immediate solution to solve your problem but I would say keeping positive and keeping going is a good starting point. In truth, that's kind of all I've got and all I've used in the past 20 + years to survive myself. I wish you the best of luck and feel certain that something will come up one day soon.