Latest temper flare up

[Zoe2345]

Brother wound me up, slammed a door on my head and knew fairly well that he'd done it, no appology, no sorry just a load of bull.

Lost it kicked the Hoover I was cleaning up with, threw on the floor, run up to my room, smash everything I can see, throw anything go can see . Punch everything hard I see, kick everything hard I see.

I can't keep doing this, in tears on my bed in a ball, had a day from hell and I can't stand being like this anymore, I want to be like I used to be, not this violent no good idiot.

I've left school but I don't know what else I'm meant to do, I can't get a job, I can't concentrate, I can't even be bothered to get up anymore, hurt myself lashing out at things, and pretty much treating myself like I'm nothing

I can't do this anymore, I need help and advice, I need camhs to hurry up, I need everyone to stick by me, I need to be back to the old me.

[iforget]

You are right in that you can't keep on in this destructive cycle and I am guessing that continuing in this cycle makes it hard for "everyone to stick by you" which is what you say you need.

You can't control what others do but you are responsible for how you react... even when you see their behaviour as provoking your reaction.

Perhaps another visit to the doc is in order to tell them what is happening/how you feel and to ask them to chase up the referral. If you find it hard to explain how you feel then maybe print out your posts form this board and take them with you - they are detailed enough for them to et the picture.

All that rage must be totally exhausting and you must need a break from it as much as those around you do.

[Zoe2345 in reply to iforget]

I feel sorry for the people around me, I have to admit it, I'm dangerous, I could kill someone, physically it hurts, it's like my head goes on fire and it rages and drivese, I just see red, then it happens, I'm too tired to move.

It's dragged me that low that I really need help and soon, or I know that somats is gonna happen to family and I'm going to end up giving up.

I'm close now, I smacked my brother, I knocked him out. I can't do this anymore

[Sem2011 in reply to Zoe2345]

HI Zoe from reading your post you need urgent help. My advice would be to contact your GP tomorrow , get an appointment, and say exactly how you are feeling that you are going to lose it. Your GP can refer you to the crisis team and be seen the same day and assess you. the crisis team is called that for urgent cases. they can arrange for you and your family to be supported, and arrange for you to stay in a place where you are safe and receive the help you need. goood luck.

[Zoe2345 in reply to Sem2011]

Like a mental place, cos that's where I don't want to go

[Sem2011 in reply to Zoe2345]

No I did not mean a psychiatric unit. Crises teams are there for all types of injuries/illnesses and have expertise to give you a break away from stressors you are experiencing at home and your need is urgent

[Zoe2345 in reply to Sem2011]

Haha

[Hidden]

Have you anywhere/ anyone to go to for a break

Have you spoke to Headway

other than that SEM2011 seems to be on the right lines

ps A BRAIN INJURY is NOT MENTAL ILLNESS

[Zoe2345 in reply to Hidden]

What it feels like, it's just hard to deal with and right now, I'm losing the old me and now living with this, the angry, resentful, tired and stupid girl that you see today

[Winb143]

Hi Zoe,

At least you know it's wrong so you are getting there, when I get uptight I just say I better go to bed. I lay there and blame everyone for my problems.

Only I can really work through it, this may sound daft but try singing but only happy songs. Good luck and be happy if possible.

Now smile xx

WinB143 xx

[Zoe2345 in reply to Winb143]

I had my dose of nicotine, it makes everything better for about ten minutes

[Zoe2345 in reply to Winb143]

I had my dose of nicotine, it makes everything better for about ten minutes

[NJH11]

Zoe, the best way to progress is to take control of your life. You will probably wake up feeling better...but you must go to a GP today!! Contact Headway and they can also help.

You're not alone and at some point all of us affected by brain injury need help....take the help you need right now. Let us know how you get on.

Nicola

[Zoe2345 in reply to NJH11]

I'm low and about to hit rock bottom though, I miss the old me, I want it back but I can't get control back. It's hard and it's just getting harder, flare ups are getting more common.

They are coming more violent, to the point where things are pretty much out of control

I don't want to be the one who ends up attacking my parents or my brother. What would the doc do?,

Private message me if you want

[Winb143]

Get yourself away from any flare up situations Zoe, relax and think happy thoughts.

[Zoe2345 in reply to Winb143]

I don't care wether I get hate for this, what happy thoughts, I have none.

Yes I'm down and getting to the point of no return, but I got used to it

[Hidden]

It seems that you need to seek some help before you live with your actions consequences for the rest of your life. It sounds like you are on a spiral of self destruction path until that self destruct button has been pushed over the edge. It can not be good. There are people who wind me up daily but we need self control as the police arrest if other damage properties. I used to be similar wrecking my bedroom lashing out on those who love. Things are not always accurate how they are perceived. You will learn that while growing up.

[Zoe2345 in reply to Hidden]

It's worse than you think, I've managed to be put in a police van 6 times this past month, that to calm down, well the van was a little damaged. That was the basic of what happened.

Damn right I'm angry at everyone, I'm fat, I'm ugly but I am me, if I kill someone in a rage it happens, I nearly have.

This las in year 10, same year as me, comments on my family, I lose it, she got 4 broken ribs, I broken jaw and bruising to the head.

Well I broke my wrist doing it, so she dropped the charges and otherwise I blackmailed her into it, bearing in mind that people told the teachers she started it!

Anyway moral to the story: don't wind me up or remotely annoy me, you will have a place on my grudge list for ever

[iforget in reply to Zoe2345]

When you read back what you have written in this particular post how dos it make you feel?

[Zoe2345 in reply to iforget]

Like I have got worse

[coughleigh]

If you are so desperate Zoe2345I would suggest you listen to sem2011. I have a friend who did as sem suggested and now she is so very much better.There is no over night cure but if you stick with the suggestion you will be stronger.And she was not hospitalized.I wish uou all the very best,