HAS ANYONE FOUND DIFFICULTY WITH JUDGING PEOPLE'S CHARACTER AFTER BI?

SINCE MY BI I'VE FOUND I I'M A USELESS JUDGE OF CHATRACTER. I CAN'T TELL WHEN PEOPLE ARE BEINGGENUINLEY FRIENDLY OR WHETHER THEY HAVE AN ULTERIOR MOTIVE ANYMORE..

I'M A FRIENDLY PERSON BUT I SOMETIMES THINK I'M BEING TOO FRIENDLYWITH PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T SEEM TO BE ABLE TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN FRIENDS, FAMILY & STRANGERS, I TALK TO THEM ALL THE SAME. I'M WORRIED THAT I MIGHT GIVE OUT TOO MUCH INFO ABOUT MYSELF, BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF OR GET MYSELF INTO UNWANTED SITUATIONS WITHOUT REALISING IT.

I TRY TO CURB MY FRIENDLINESS & HOW MUCH INFO I GIVE OUT BUT I CAN'T BE RUDE OR SURLY TO PEOPLE (UNLESS THEY'RE REALLY HORRIBLE TO ME) IT'S NOT IN MY NATURE.

I'M QUITE WORRIED ABOUT IT.

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  • This is a difficult one Zeblet, it goes back to learning again, all those things you learned as a child. I know it seems like I keep repeating myself but you have to learn again, like a child does, how to judge people's characters, not easy to do.

    Children are very trusting too, unfortunately as an adult you would expect to have all these skills in place, it's what makes it frustrating for us coz we know we've done all this before, unforunately it may have been wiped out by the BI.

    No easy way round this I'm afraid xxxx

  • I find I am completely the opposite - distrusting of people, complaining about service I get. I used to get frustrated by incompetent people before - I have no patience for them at all now

  • HI ZEBLET SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE TRUSTING PEOPLE. ALWAYS THINKING WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO BE DISHONEST WITH ME. BROUGHT UP IN 2 OF MY EARLY YEARS [WHEN NOT AT CONVENT BOARDING SCHOOL BETWEEN AGES 5-7 THEN 7.5 - 12 YEARS] BY A GRAN DURING SOME SCHOOL HOLIDAYS, WHO TALKED TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE.

    THATS WHAT I DO NOW - WEAR MY HEART ON MY SLEEVE. BUT SECONDS AFTER AN ENCOUNTER I'M CHECKING MY BILL AND CHANGE THINKING THEY KNOW I'VE GOT MONEY. I HAVEN'T SAID THAT BUT IN FRANCE ITS COMMON TO ASSUME ALL THE ENGLISH ARE RICH. YOU CAN TELL FROM THEIR ATTITUDES THEY DON'T EXPECT YOU TO BARGAIN OVER A PRICE OR ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY IN THE MARKETS BUT I HEAR THE FRENCH TRYING TO KNOCK THINGS DOWN ALL THE TIME. I FEEL EVERYONE IS OUT FOR WHAT'S IN IT FOR THEM - THATS PARANOIA I KNOW THAT. SORRY JANET I DIDN'T HAVE A NORMAL CHILDHOOD SO HAVE NOTHING I CAN GO BACK TO LEARN - EVEN AT BOARDING SCHOOL EVERYONE LOOKED AFTER THEMSELVES AND WERE WRAPPED UP IN THEMSELVES - GUESS YOU SEE WHERE THIS LEADING!

  • Its ok Shirley, the purpose of the forum is to get input from lots of people, I don't profess to know it all, far from it I can only speak from my experiences and take on life, I very much trust most people until I'm proved wrong, or right!

    I tend to sit back, metaphorically speaking, and watch and listen before I jump in. Xxx

  • Ye same with me, I can't even judge my own character, people say I've changed especially my dad saying how violent and moody I have got, I havnt been coping that well but the worse I get the worse I get towards my mum and dad. I heard him talking about me to mum and he said I know u love her and all but she's changed and I can't control her anymore! and he's right! I can't even control myself. I know I need help but it's giving up if I ask for help

  • IT DEFINITELY ISN'T GIVING UP ASKING FOR HELP. BI MAKES US INTO DIFFERENT PEOPLE TO A GREATER OR LESSER EXTENT. THE LAST THING WE NEED IS PEOPLE TRYING TO CONTROL US. WE NEED UNDERSTANDING & SUPPORT TO GET USED TO THE NEW US, I THINK OTHER PEOPLE NEED TO TRY & ACCEPT US FOR WHO WE ARE NOW HOWEVER DIFFICULT IT MAY BE.

    THE MORE HELP WE CAN GET THE BETTER, I'M NO MEDIC BUT I'M SURE PEOPLE ON OUR FORUM MAY HAVE SOME SUGGESTIONS.I TRIED COUNSELLING BUT ITWASN'T FOR ME. THERE SHOULD BE OTHER FORMS OF SUPPORT I WOULD THINK.

    I'VE FOUND THE BEST PEOPLE TO TALK TO ARE OUR FELLOW SUFFERERS ON THIS SITE, WE ARE LIVING WITH THIS & REALLY UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEMS.

    SORRY IF THIS SOUNDS A BIT GARBLED, MY BRAIN IS A BIT FOGGY TODAY!

    ANYWAY TAKE CARE, WE ARE ALWAYS HERE.

  • I AGREE ZEBLET SOME OF THE PEOPLE TRYING HELP MAKE THINGS EVEN HARDER. GLAD I CAN GET SUPPORT FROM LOOKING ON HERE. JUST KNOWING THAT PEOPLE UNDERSTAND WHATEVER OUR DIFFERENT PROBS ARE.

    K

  • Hi Zeblet

    Have you read the headway leaflets it seems it is one of the side effects of a bi to misjudge what the signals people are giving us

  • NO I HAVEN'T EXPLORED OTHER PARTS OF THE HEADWAY SITE YET SO THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW. SOUNDS JUST LIKESOMETHING I NEED.

    THANKS AGAIN

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