Hi
I know that lots of us have no support from families etc. Sorry this post isn’t meant to offend you. I’m lucky to have a husband who does a lot for me. But I’m beginning to feel overwhelmed and losing myself by his actions. He tells me I can’t go places, to calm down when I’m speaking with other people especially my children, to go have lie downs. But especially when we go anywhere the first thing he tells people that I take seizures. I was just recently booking into a hotel and he and the receptionist where talking about what to do with me as if I wasn’t there. I’m Me first and foremost. I’m just unlucky to have FND. I pay for a private therapist and she has told him on several occasions that he needs to stop “smothering me”. This morning (we are still on holiday) I made myself some tea and then fell asleep and spilled it all over the bed (probably tired from collapsing outside the cinema last night - another he doesn’t let me go to). Anyhow his words this morning to my accident where “you’re fucking useless- if it isn’t tea it’s piss”. Yep I have Irritable Bladder System plus voiding problems. Hit the jackpot there. He knows how embarrassed I am when I wet myself -it happens in public too. And I go to bed in big incontinence knickers made for someone twice my age. Sorry probably TMI. So what do I do - stay with him or separate- I’m at my wits end with FND, doctors etc. I just can’t take anymore? Help please. Thanks Lou
Hi Louyse! First off, thank you so much for your post and for reaching out. You know, a lot of times spouses are just as overwhelmed as we are. This is especially so if your condition has been around for a while. Outside of this post, I have no concept of the type of individual your husband is. So as for the outburst, those are disrespectful and unnecessary, and should be dealt with as kindly as possible - but need to be addressed immediately. As for the "smothering", everyone loves differently, and sometimes we get annoyed with it, but they're just looking out for our best interest, and I think that that's something that really needs to be considered as well. Also - Mattress protectors at Wal-Mart are a spectacular thing, really...they are great, and never feel guilty. You have a condition, and are seeking help - that's awesome! To address your last concern, and with as much kindness and light I can send your way, whether you should be with a person is not necessarily a question to ask here. Everyone would love to speak their mind and share their opinion, I'm sure. But we don't know your husband, and we can't tell you that - it wouldn't be fair to the situation or to either of you. From personal experience, this is a typical spouse reaction...it shouldn't happen every day, but sometimes it does happen. I think what you need is to feel confident and reassured, and for that you've come to the right place! Much love to you
Thanks. We did have a rather acrimonious “talk” about it (pretty much coming to a separation decision). But then we talked in a more adult way - he was really sorry for what he had said and yes he told me that he is always left to pick up the pieces when I have seizures in public. I know about carer fatigue and guess it was just one of those outbursts and he said he couldn’t deal without me. So we decided that when we get home we’ll talk more about where we need to draw the line between my freedom and his deep concern. Thanks for replying. Cheers Lou
I am so happy to hear that! Good for the two of you. It takes two for sure. My husband and I have been together for 7 years, and I have had symptoms for 2. We have lately had a lot of "discussions" about the issue. BUT, we always approach it very calmly, we address all of our concerns (sometimes we yell, sometimes we cry, sometimes we laugh, hug and high-five [kidding there]), but just always understand that there is a great deal of love between you. It can just get covered in the daily dust of symptoms, but find moments to enjoy each other to make the bad times not so bad.