sibling needs more help than I’m able to give

[RinaRina]

my brother needs help with dr appointments and shopping, but I have Fibromyalgia and don’t feel 100% all the time. Other family who work, seem very judgmental, thinking I should do more, but after I deal with my own home and family, I’m exhausted yet help one full day a week , but also travel with my husband who is ill and may not be able to travel long.

[Elaine200756]

Hi RinaRina, so sorry to hear of the pressure you are under from your extended family. I think you are already doing a great deal for your brother given your situation.

Many of us on here have also had to deal with the criticisms, demands and judgemental attitudes of other people. Mainly family and friends. They don't have a clue about what its like to have fibromyalgia.

Because it's an invisible illness people can fail to realise that we are actually ill. Even we don't always fully recognise it, horrible as it is. I know I don't. On top of this you have commitments, to your husband and to your own family. As you say, your husband is ill too and he needs you to travel with him while he is still able.

Other people are going to think and say what they think and say. We have no control over them. But we can choose our response to these things. We can choose to continue to do what is in our own best interests and those of our spouse and family, in spite of being criticised for it.

You need time to care for yourself as well as your husband, brother and family. This is far from being selfish as it enables you to stay as well as you can in order to continue to care for everyone else. If your illness became worse because of lack of caring for yourself it would be impossible for you to care for your brother for the one day that is not appreciated by the rest of the family. I know that your extended family work and probably get tired but surely they have their days off and their holidays. Then what about you? Why are you less worthy of having time off to rest and relax and to do something nice?

I will be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. Love Elaine xx 🙏😘

[Dizzytwo Moderator]

Hi there, may I ask do you have no other family members or friends your brother could call upon for help?

You dont say what illness your brother is suffering with. But if he needs constant care maybe you could speak with is GP to see if there is any social care /help he could apply for.

You obviously need to think about yourself. After you've run your self to a stand still what would your brother do then not to mention your own family.

I feel so sorry for the pressure you find your self under.

Momo

[Debsdelight72]

There has to be a line not to be crossed, You will become sicker and sicker and we all know what that can do. Just because of the judgmentals your spreading your time very thin and have to say no you cant look after yourself,Hubby and Brother,

See what services are about for you,The carers centre will be the best to help you and they are very helpful,

Take care

Debs