Giving up work

[Coll82]

I’ve had a cleaning business for a few years now, I had three jobs before Christmas, I had to give up one in December then leave my other in Feb. My pain is getting worse, I get home and can’t move, I have a family and feel like I’m missing out on them so much. I’m considering giving up work as I have no life now but I’m scared at what people will think

[rosewine]

It's such a difficult decision to make. I loved my job but unfortunately the pain, fatigue and foggy brain meant I was just unable to carry on. It was very difficult adjusting especially as only the year before my husband had had to give up work. Looking back I realise I had no choice as I was just struggling through every day and had no enjoyment of life. I feel people who judge us have no idea how we have had to struggle to keep it all together. If you can do without the money it might be good to have a break and seek further treatment to see whether you can at least ease some of your symptoms and then perhaps slowly build up again. I find keeping my home clean gives me more pain and fatigue than anything else so I really admire you for being able to run a leaning business for so long.x

[Coll82 in reply to rosewine]

Thankyou for your response, I had a lovely job at a gym and made so many friends, I had to leave as the migraines meant I was off sick every week, I thought I’d feel better but cleaning is so difficult, like you I struggle through each day then I’m no good to anyone after work, my mental health and physical health are being affected dramatically. Thankyou it’s been so hard but the guilt of letting people down was upsetting me so much but I need to think of my health xx

[SusieSquirrel in reply to Coll82]

Your health definitely has to come first. I was the same, I made myself ill worrying about others instead of myself

[Hazel_Angelstar Administrator FMA UK Staff]

Firstly - what other people think is not in important - a decision such as whether you continue working should be made based on what is best for you and your health.

[Coll82 in reply to Hazel_Angelstar]

Thankyou Hazel that’s what my partner said too as I worry too much about what people think x

[LisaSnow FMA UK Volunteer]

Is it an option to take a medical leave for a few months to evaluate how that lifestyle feels first? Leave doors opened and focus first on getting better. Fibromyalgia comes and goes. You may feel well and strong again and wanting to return to work after the brake.

[Coll82 in reply to LisaSnow]

Thankyou Lisa, I’ve tried that twice, and end up having flare up when I return to work, I’ve cut my hours and it’s just not helping x

[SusieSquirrel]

Hi Iloveplants05 I love plants too. Gardening is my passion, or it used to be. All I can do now is a bit of pottering about.I was a self employed cleaner up until 2020 when I had to give it up. I'd gone from 2 a day to 3 jobs per week but still struggled. I managed to get in the car after work but struggled to get back out. The pain was just to much. I then also developed intracranial hypertension and needed an emergency op.

Life just revolved around pain.

Packing in work was the best thing I did. I can now use the good parts of my day on me and my family, not cleaning someone else's loo.

Next week I'm being brave enough to fly to Dublin to see my son.

I applied for pip and now receive that which is a help.

[Coll82 in reply to SusieSquirrel]

I’ve just got into gardening, little bits at a time but it’s so therapeutic if I don’t do too much, I ended up doing three houses a day every day and I’d get in and just seize up in pain all evening, life does revolve around pain it’s horrible, the doctors signed me off for a month yesterday and increased my duluxotine so I’m hoping I feel a bit better now but I do think I’ll have to give it up, Ivey the basic pip and I’m waiting to hear from them to get the higher level, good luck flying hope you have a lovely time xx

[SusieSquirrel in reply to Coll82]

Thank you im sure if will. A pain clinician said to me a few months ago that you might as well do what you love if you're going to be in pain anyway.I definitely feel better not working. No worries about not being able to function at the end of a job. Money is tight and I miss the interaction with the people I was working for. But I now go to an exercise class and an art class as well as my pottering about in the garden.

I agree about gardening being beneficial for your mental health.

This month off will hopefully help you make your mind up.

Good luck

[Coll82 in reply to SusieSquirrel]

Thankyou susie, I’m in my second week now and can actually look after myself a lot better xx

[SusieSquirrel in reply to Coll82]

Thats good to hear. I hate having to rely on my husband so much. I feel like a terrible burden. He says he doesn't mind but...At least you have a few weeks left to help make up your mind. Financially it hard

[Coll82 in reply to SusieSquirrel]

I’m the same with my partner, he’s 9 years younger than me and we e been together 18 months and he looks after me so much, I feel like a burden too, it’s hard isn’t it, he’s amazing but I just feel so guilty xx

[SusieSquirrel in reply to Coll82]

Guilt is awful. It eats away and makes things worse. My husband never complains but sometimes I see something cross his face. It may be my imagination but I cant help thinking about it. It must be hard for you being in such a new relationship. I've been with mine 22 years

[Crossstitch1]

Oh my ...I understand how you feel. I am also a cleaner...I have had to cut down on my hours which makes finacial survival difficult....i am counting down till state pension age....when I will hang up that mop n bucket !! I will miss my lovely clients but honestly most days I get in from work n crawl up the stairs for a bath have early tea n go to bed...If you are in a position to stop working then I'd say go for it....get some self care in to your days and don't worry what people think.

[Coll82 in reply to Crossstitch1]

It’s took so long to decide but same as you I’ll miss my clients so much as I’ve made some lovely friends, could you claim pip to help a bit? I’m in bed early most nights just because I can’t sit as it hurts too much xx

[Crossstitch1 in reply to Coll82]

I got turned down for pip.... at the time I could barely walk due to my arthritis and sciatic problem...couldn't lift my arm due to shoulder problem...and had to use my stick all the time. Currently able to walk without the stick atm...yay! I hope you reach a decision you are comfortable with.

[Coll82 in reply to Crossstitch1]

Oh gosh that’s so bad! I get the basic pip but been waiting since Feb for another assessment as I’ve got so much worse xx

[Graciela85 in reply to Coll82]

Hi i have just been officially with fibromyalgiaIm also a cleaner . I have been off work for a while. When i tried ro go back i only lasted 2 weeks and half, pain got so much worse.

I'm been considering reducing my hours. Also wonder if i could claim pip as i wont survive financially 😭 thanks

[Givemestrength65]

Hey! I decided to leave work at the end of last year- it was a difficult decision to make as it was a job I really enjoyed- however it was a very very stressful job. The chronic fatigue, brain fog, pain and tiredness was getting worse over the years. It was not easy to give up work as I am a long way from retirement. I cashed in some of my pension and with that and my savings I will manage for a few years. I don’t qualify for benefits as my partner works. I get a pittance of a monthly pension which helps and pip. I am now 5 months in to leaving my job and mentally l feel much better… I am managing my pain much better and rest more… I have no regrets. I will consider part time work in the future (something not so stressful) but right now I feel that I made the right decision for me and my family…I never thought I would be able to manage financially but I have learned to spend money differently. Like you, I wondered what people (not family) would think…It’s not their business and if they want to pass judgment, they are not thinking about you and your well being and not worthy of your time. I wish you well

[Coll82 in reply to Givemestrength65]

Thankyou, I’m so glad you’re doing well after giving up work, I feel so much better already mentally, I’m not feeling guilty for resting which I used to and I’ve accepted that at the moment it’s impossible for me to work, looking after myself and my family for the first time in years xx

[Themanwithnoname]

I get it from time to time from others who just simply do not understand. They cant as there is pain and there is fibro ( whole different ball game). I was a strapping hard grafting lad until this fibro got a grip of me. Had neighbours say we struggle but we have to work and another say find something you can do. If you let them it can be hurtful especially as you would of tried your hardest to try to stay in work. If work is wrecking your health mentally or physically you have to make a change. Could be a meds review, change job, take a step back from work to evaluate or simply pack in.

Everyone thinks benefits is living the life of luxury until you need to try claim them.

PIP is worth looking into if you are not claiming as this could help you reduce your hours. Not means tested either.

Fibro sucks and from being diagnosed mine has def got worse. You get told it don't but I'm not convinced so you need to look after yourself .

GL .

[Coll82 in reply to Themanwithnoname]

I’m sorry to hear you’re suffering, I definitely agree it does get worse. In the last year I’ve deteriorated so much to the point where if I do a little gardening I can’t move the next day! I get basic pip but waiting for a call as I’ve told them I’m a lot worse now