I'm sorry to be asking another question, I only found this site yesterday but find it really helpful. I am 43 year old male I hve fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, asthma and panic with quite possibly a touch of depression but what gets to me is death. I caannot stop thinking about it this does not help the panic attacks at all but it is relly bad and I just cannot stop the thoughts. I am affraid to be left incase I die and no one finds me, I will not go to certain places if I think there is a 1% chance of anything happening, I don't lock the door if I'm in the sshower or bath room just incase I collapse and no one can get in before I die. I find it very hard to go to sleep although I do fall asleep due to extreme tiredness I can only sleep while wtching tv or listening to the radio because as soon as I close my eyes I have thoughts of never waking up. I have been to the doctors 4 times and each time I have been told I ned to see someone to talk at least once a month but this has not ever happened and my thoughts have beeen going on for over 2 years and are only getting worse

15 Replies

  • i have ms..fibro..asthma to name but a few. I am 46 and I do totally understand how u feel. I have had to come to terms with death as stressing about it was making me sicker..i finally opened up to my 3 daughters and felt a lot better afterwards. I think once you accept it, it leaves room for you to try and enjoy what life we have. taking each day as it comes.

  • It's a common problem, Hog - you're not alone!

    You are very depressed which often causes people to have overwhelming fear of death.

    It would help if you could find someone that you can talk to, so that death takes its proper place again - in the background!

    It's inevitable for us all - like taxation, but it shouldn't occupy too much of our time.

    Would you be able to ask your GP to arrange some counselling for you? It seems to me that an initial appointment with a psychiatrist would be helpful, so that you can make sure that you get the right sort of 'talking therapy'

    I know you're quite ill, but take comfort from the fact that none of your complaints are very likely to lead to sudden death, and you can sleep easy in your bed for many years to come!

    Take care, and gather your resolve to ask your doctor for some urgent help!

    Moffy x

  • Hi I think you would be surprised to find out how many people struggle with this, especially when like you there is chronic illness to contend with. Talking about death is one of the great taboos left that we cannot mention for fear of worrying or offending someone, or if you say the word it might just happen! I feel your depression is worse than you realise, and no wonder because you do have a lot of problems going on. I wouldn't be surprised if your health problems and the impact it has on your lifestyle leaves you feeling more isolated, less inclined to share with family or friend just how difficult things have become. Anxiety is almost impossible to avoid under these circumstances! Men are less able to talk about feelings than women, 'strong/silent'! But not good for you! We women are born with the advantage of having no problem in this area! Just because you are a man, it does not make you weak. It makes you human!

    If your gp is not understanding just how bad things are, either through not listening properly or you finding it difficult to explain to him, perhaps it might be worth trying to find another one. Some surgeries have counselling services. Whatever there is locally, I think you must find the energy to get the help you really need.

    In the meantime, the wonders of the internet mean this website and many others, are available 24/7. To hear a human voice, Samaritans can be a really good outlet also available round the clock. I do hope you start to feel better soon. Keep us posted anyway!

    Tulip xx

  • Before I found the right meds for me I was convinced my OH was going to die .... Since my GP got me on the right meds I can look back and think I really thought that????. Please Please go to you GP and if you can't talk ..print out your blog and let him read how bad you really feel... If you are on anti depressants they may not be the best ones for you there are so many to try... And hopefully you will be referred for councelling ........again nothing to be ashamed of many of us have had some at one time or another

    Good luck

    VG x

  • Again thank you all for your words, I am greatful I have stumbled across this page as up until now all I have doe is keep a personal diary hoping that writing down all my probleems will somehow magic them away. I know now that

    Is not the way to go. I will be sure to see my doctor again and hopefully get some issues sorted out soon

  • You sound like you could be describing me there hog even with the illnesses, but I thought my death thoughts were because I was 72 u don't say how old you are, I was feeling really bad a few weeks ago thought what the heck ill go see the doc not that she can help me, they were my thoughts but boy was I mistaken she was brilliant she Made me go see her once a week for quite some time also put me on serttraline, the thoughts still raise their ugly heads from time to time but don't stay too long now, I guess what I'm trying to say is grumpy is right u must go to you GP, I feel a lot of these anxiety thoughts are part of fibro, hope you get help and feel better soon gentle hug ....Dee xx

  • Hi, I think we all have times like this when we're feeling particularly vulnerable but it sounds as if you perhaps need a little help to get your mind away from the channel it's gotten into. Please see if there is a Wellbeing service in your part of the country. GPs used to be able to refer but now it's a self-referral process (they were finding that people referred by their GP often didn't take up the offer of help). They have a number of therapies at their disposal to help you cope and gradually change your thought processes. I also find mindfulness CDs helpful when anxiety starts running away with me. You can get apps for smartphones as well. The Meditainment series of CDs is very good. They were recommended by the OT at the hospital. The one I have has three guided meditations on it and I feel as if I've had a little holiday away from my brain when I've finished. Hope you start feeling better soon x

  • Thanks Mistymeana

    Another good one is

    Mark Williams

    Mindfulness-finding peace in a frantic world.Book +

    available Amazon and others



  • Hi Hog,

    I am a 43 year old male also. I have used the self-referral talk-therapy services in my local area and there are many all over the country. Some need your GP to refer and some you can just self-refer. Please see the link below and then search within your area.

    Good luck mate...



  • I think now and again we all have a fear of death, be it ours or our loved ones, it can be very scary when those thoughts pop their head out in ours brains but if it is overwhelming and taking up so much of your thoughts, please see your gp, it isn't right or fair that you have to go through this insist your gp gets you the help you need to get you thinking good thoughts again. Good luck xx

  • I know how you feel, I have had them too, please try and find a way to help relax, as it doesn't help getting into a state. I have joined a gym and use the health suite it helps to unwind, a few gentle exercises too helps. I can assure you that no one has died from this illness. Meditation and relaxing music helps at night before sleep. I hope you find peace of mind. I know how you feel, I felt like my life had been pushed upon me, I took control back and now I feel like I am FREE. I refuse to be a victim of this horrible illness, I am a SURVIVOR, I hope you too can feel the same. Positive thoughts are a good healer and give you the motivation to change your way of thinking, and give you the first steps into getting your life back. Good luck, if you need help then I am sure everyone on here will help, they are all lovely people who know what you are going through.

    Key words that keep me going are: STRONG, POSITIVE, SURVIVOR, MOTIVATED, I WILL DO IT. I say these every morning when I get up to start my day. Take care and gentle hugs Xx

  • Many thanks, I will write you key words down and put them near my kettle so I see them thoughout the day. This site has been a god send and the people here have been so helpful and understanding.

  • I hope you find some strength fro m the kind understanding people on here they are brilliant never judgemental I to think of death im 50 but have had these thoughts for many many years im not afraid of death but the guilt I feel from wanting it is tortourouse I have 3 grown up children ,every day I think of dyeing the fibro has made contemplate it even more im fighting myself every single day physicaly and mentaly the only reason im still here is for the sake of my kids but I get very dark days,i have opened up to my dr and am in the prosses of having my anti-deppresents looked at and im to see a psychologist .I wish you all the very best and some peace from your thoughts x

  • Dear Hog2203,

    I have read your post, and feel for you so much, but having read your supportive comments, in particular the helpful comment from ladymoth, I think you have a few self help ideas which will enable you live your life with a more positive outlook. Good luck to and take care of you.

    Shazzad xxx

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