Post Mothers day blues!

It's been one of those weeks!

I was doing so well in being positive and focusing on other things(have report deadlines due and succesfully getting a second interview for a new job!)

But now its all come to a head after having another mothers day go by with no child of our own, I found out yesterday that one of my friends is "accidentally" 18 weeks pregnant with her first child. I am happy for her but so jealous and angry at the same time! Why not me?!! I hate feeling broken and like im not a "proper" woman.

We are still waiting to hear from the fertility clinic about the date for our first appiontment. We filled out and posted our referral questionairre on monday 1st class (as I didnt want any un-necessary delays) Any of you ladies know roughly how long it will take the clinic to get in touch with a date? This waiting and not being able to do anything is so frustrating. Have any of you got any tricks to try and shake this feeling of being broken? I am hoping to start some accupuncture in two weeks to see if this helps me at all so will keep you posted.

I really had to rant after my cry yesterday and you guys are always so great and understanding. No one else I speak to seems to understand.

xxxx

8 Replies

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  • It is important to tell yourself that the feelings you are experiencing are quite normal. Also important that you choose how and with whom you spend your time at the moment in order to minimise any distress and to look after yourself. You mention that you are going to try some acupuncture; hopefully this will make you feel more positive, as you are actually “doing” something. On a practical level, maybe you could start a new hobby, if you have time. Also remember that most people experiencing infertility do so as a couple and often feel very isolated, so apart from each other, it would be good to confide in one of your best friends. There are always going to be pregnant women and babies around, we can’t alter that, but remember that you do not have to go to naming ceremonies or parties for a newborn. Just send a card with perhaps a gift of money or a voucher, saying that you look forward to meeting “whoever” in the future. Have you thought about attending a support group? Unfortunately, there is not always one in your immediate area, but it can sometimes be beneficial to go to one outside your district in order to see how other hospitals/clinics treat their patients and how the patients themselves cope. Most only meet up once a month or two months, so if you feel you want to mix, it could be worth the journey. There’s always the opportunity of counselling which might help. If you have a look at our website infertilitynetworkuk.com you will be able to see other ways in which we are able to support you during this time. Meanwhile, I’m afraid that you might have to wait up to four months for your appointment to come through. However, if you know the name of the consultant you have been referred to, why not give his/her secretary a ring and tell her/him that you would be willing to accept a cancellation if one becomes available – always worth a try. Remember too, that a “rant and cry” is also acceptable – and worth it! Thinking of you. Diane

  • I want to echo Dianne, you're not alone, lots and lots of us have and do feel like this. Its really tough, but you've taken the first step of recognising that you're hurting. Working out what you need to make you feel a bit better is the next step.

    This is one of the hardest things to deal with and I wish you the best of luck.

    FG x

  • I feel your pain. I was expecting my period on Mother's Day and was praying for it not to arrive, but lo and behold, I knew it was on its way. I was so low.

    I have been going to reflexology since July and have recently also started accupuncture so I do feel like I am doing something now, but it is so hard to have the rollercoaster of emotions every month. At the moment, I'm feeling more positive as I'm in the 1st half of my cycle but I can't pull myself up for long as I always end up thinking about when my period is due-nightmare.

    MY brother's girlfriend is accidently pregnant and due next month and I'm dreading it. I haven't had much to do with them during the whole pregnancy and I feel guilty about that, but I have to do it for me.

    If you fancy a chat anytime, louie_mac73@yahoo.co.uk

    But if not, good luck and I hope it does work out for you very soon, Louise x

  • My daughter also going through this. Only are G.P told her that no point keep askin anythin as nothing more they can do for her. She is only 20 year old. 21 in April. What I don't get but can't ask my daughter as she can't cope at the moment constantly agonising. And I am Just watching her hurt every day. I long to see that lovely smile she once had. With out any examinations. Apart from blood test a few times and 2 scans or xrays forgot which now as they was age 18 this when she found out she has pcos. And the 2 was just when turned 19. Can the G.P no or say this for defo. Because im almost sure there must be sumthing they can do for her. She used to have period. Normall from 13 to 16. Then they graduly got less went to about 2 per year. But since being told at 18 she had pcos. She's never had a period at all. Im thinkin could be due to the stress now. Its so hard when I can't help her in any way at all. Gets me so angry when worthless women have them no probs and abuse them or when there on drugs and drinkin constant. When like urselfs have to go threw hell. Trying so hard to get children who will be cared for and loved so much. Sorry but if there is a god. He is evil I say. X good luck to all who having problems.

  • Dear Diamondlassy,

    I think it's understandable that you feel angry, jealous and upset at the moment. I feel similarly - aged 39, seeing my sister and most of my friends with children, wondering if it's ever going to be me.

    I have thought about the jealousy thing quite a lot, and come to the conclusion that, with my closest few friends who have children, it's better to try to be open ('I do love your children, but sometimes it's hard to be around them), rather than simply avoiding the subject or avoiding them and their children. If i did avoid all my friends with children, I would be cutting myself off from their valuable support. Most of my close friends with children are pretty sensitive and ready to hear about how I'm feeling - even thought it's not always an easy conversation. I have emphasised to my friends that, whilst I do need a lot of support at the moment because of my fertility problems, I don't want them to feel that they can't talk to me about their own (different) issues and worries. That way, we still support each other, and I don't feel like I'm just being a drain on them.

    So there's no easy solution to these feelings - but I find that holding on to the anger and getting v bitter doesn't leave me feeling any better, so trying to be as open (at least with the peopel I trust) does seem to help.

  • Hi Diamond Lassy,

    Tell me about it. The only day of the year worse than Mother’s Day has got to be Christmas. I think all women in this position spend all year hoping and wishing for a baby by Christmas, and then a bump by Christmas and then just a positive pregnancy result by Christmas. Yet Christmas comes and goes and still nothing!

    I’m two years and three months in and am now getting proactive! I’ve just completed the mindfulness-based stress reduction course through my fertility clinic and it is helping me so much to deal with the sorrow and anger that comes with infertility.

    I’m keen to get in touch with other women who are interested in the mind-body link and how it affects fertility. Everyone keeps telling me that stress can affect fertility, but the biggest stress in my life is infertility!

    I’ve started a Facebook group to discuss fertility boost tips, positive psychology, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), Meditation, healthy eating and how to stop yourself going crazy on this journey to motherhood! It’s a secret group so won’t show up on your page or newsfeed, but it also means that you can’t search for it you have to go directly to the page via this link:

    facebook.com/groups/mindful...

    Within the group I’ve posted lots of information and video clips on mindfulness-based stress reduction and positive psychology, which I think any woman trying to conceive could do with!

    If you are after fertility tips and a fun group obsessed with chatting about the best sexual positions, how to convince your partner to do it one more time and mini eggs, then join us at Up-the-duff (or soon to be!) Divas! (Again a secret group)

    facebook.com/groups/5321612...

    You are not alone

    Mindful Muma-to-be

  • Just tested the links and Facebook secret groups are so secret, they work let you in, even via URL link! Trying to get around this, as don't want it to be a closed group as then activity will be listed on our newsfeeds and don't really want to announce to all our friends and families that we are TTC!

    In the meantime , email me at mindfulmuma@gmail.com and I can send you a link via email that will allow you to join the group if you are interested.

  • Come join us

    Mindful Mumas-to-be is a new group for anyone trying to conceive, going through fertility treatment or who is newly pregnant following difficulties/worries. Join us if you are looking for support, stress busting techniques, fertility tips and to meet others who are in similar situations to you. (Dads-to-be are also very welcome).

    Follow mindfulmumatobe.blogspot.co... for updates.

    Online discussion topics include: Fertility boost tips, positive psychology, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), meditation, healthy eating, infertility, endometriosis, PCOS, IUI, IVF and how to stop yourself going crazy on this journey to motherhood!

    Also join us at Up-the-duff (or soon-to-be) Divas! A fun group whose conversations include the best sexual positions for TTC, how to give up caffeine, dealing with the stress of finding out a friend is pregnant and a shared love of Mini Eggs!

    Both groups are secret Facebook groups so won’t show up on your page or newsfeed, but it also means that you can’t search for them. Please email me at mindfulmuma@gmail.com to join.

    MEET UP - Our first North London group meet up will be at 6.30pm on Tuesday 2nd of April at The Alwyne Castle pub, which is a short walk from Highbury and Islington tube.

    We will have an hour and a half group session which will be very informal to get to know each other and chat. At 8pm is the pub’s quiz night so anyone interested can stay and play. The pub does lovely food for anyone coming straight from work, we will be sat in the conservatory area at tables so feel free to order food.

    thealwynecastleislington.co.uk

    Address: St Paul's Road, Highbury, London, N1 2LY

    Please email me if you’re interested in coming, so I can make sure I book a big enough area. mindfulmuma@gmail.com

    Future meet ups to include group meditations, afternoon tea book shares, fertility walks on Hampstead Heath and in Queenswood, talks on mindfulness, hypnosis, acupuncture and Mayan abdominal massage.

    Follow my blog for more information on mindfulness, fertility boost tips, infertility support, recipes, group meet up details and more.

    mindfulmumatobe.blogspot.co...

    mindfulmumatobe.co.uk

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