Im still here... Trying!

Well ive been off line for a while.

To be honest life has not been easy.. After much talk me and hubby are ck together and activly trying to complete our family, currently without any help from nhs. This is fruitless.. I have been well below target weight for 4 months now and as susspected i still have not become pregnant which proves my theory that the doctor was using excuses..

I have had to be re referred abd have to go back to the begininning i.e tests. I was refered 4 months ago and only just been sent an appointmet for october 8th..

Since then also my step sister who irresponsibly got pregnant and my dad is proudly announcing it as his first grandchild. If there is one thing that hurts more than being barron it has to be that.

On a plus note i start uni in 5 days! At least i have a focus..

Thanks for listening as usual!

Saz xx

10 Replies

  • Hi Saz,

    Sorry you have been going through it and that things have been slow moving for you. I hope once the all is in motion that it goes alot quicker for you. I can also understand the pain of your step sister getting pregnant, when you have been trying for so long these things seem to make it even harder. Keep trying and I know just how tough it is as Ive been trying now for over 7yrs, good luck.

  • We have tried for around the same length of time and surgery and failed doeses of clomiphene etc and I can tell u there are time I have given up for the sake of my sanity. But the need and want never goes away.

    I hope we all get our happy ever after because we all put everything we have in..

    Good luck!

  • Dont give up, I know its tough but you will get there. Do allow yourself some time though, and what I mean is when you have your bad times and it all gets a bit much do something that is time consuming to take you away from it for a bit, I get lost in a good book or make tiaras and it helps, or stick some music on and have a dance or a sing and really just let yourself go and allow yourself to be you and not a lady that has been trying to concieve for yrs.

    Im just about to start my 3rd go at ivf and as an egg sharer I was told today its my last try, Im still remaning positive and hope that this is the end for us. You will have your happy ever after one day.

  • I tried for 11 years, and on my last go, everything that could go wrong did, but the result, my lovely daughter has just turned 14. Try and stay positive, you never know what fate has in store. Good luck, will be sending positive thoughts your way :-)

  • Saz, I know its really hard when someone just gets pregnant when you are doing everything you can, and things dont seem to go your way. My friends seemed to touch within the first month of trying, you feel really bad envying people, but its only natural to feel that way. Try and get it out of your system, I always felt better when the pregnant friend actually had the baby for some reason, and made sure me and my other half enjoyed a night out which the friends then complained they didnt do anymore!!!! Grass is always greener me thinks. Good luck!

  • Thanks, i know what you mean. I think it just takes it out of you trying so long with no results.

    Its a horrible feeling thinking your holding your husvand back. It really hit home what a great dad he would make when i saw him with his baby nephew on a recent visit to his home land. I feel like i let him down as we know it is me that cant get pregnant.

    I have so many problems, i had tubal surgery right at the very beginning and was given a 35% chance of getting pregnant naturally at that time i was told this would decrease every year. However since then they have found i dont ovulate regularly abd the levels are very low when i do. Recent developments mean i nay have polysistic ovaries.

    Im not sure ut will happen for us and i question my decisions and my husbands choice to stay with me. I dont think i could adopt as i would always have the longing to be pregnant and feel my baby grow. I just get let down by how the nhs treat this as a luxury treatment and the time scales involved are too long. I have been pregnant once when i was 18 and miscarried. The drs keep saying that means i can get pregbant but im not so sure now.

    I keep trying and although i have my down times i keep positive thought of the future in my mind. Thanks for all the support it really helps get me through thise dark days. I only have to go on facebook and see someones announcment or scan pic n it sets me off.

    Saz xx

  • Hi Saz

    Sorry to hear that you are feeling a bit down at the moment. Unfortunately, when we are trying to get pregnant, there is always someone pushing a pram – with two more in tow! Friends and relatives having babies too! You must try and stay positive. You have achieved a lot so far with your huge weight loss – never an easy thing to do – and your appointment is now looming, so that’s encouraging. Fertility problems always take what seems ages to sort out. The waiting, tests and treatment all takes time, but hopefully all will work out well for you both. I think I would knuckle down with your studies and try your best to keep away from situations that will upset you, if you can. All the best for the 8th!

    Diane Arnold

  • Hi Saz

    I feel your pain, I totally agree with you everyone seems to be pregnant but us! I just got another BFN today and all i could do was mope around my flat. I was convinced it would be positive this month as I had what i thought was an implanation bleed. Its crazy how my mind plays tricks on me. Like you I've gone back to university for a year to give me something to focus on so i dont crazy but its so hard to see all the new born babies and the glowing pregnant woman! I hope you get more help from your dr and not just more excuses from them. I hope you get your BFP soon


  • Hi saz, going through the process of investgations etc and its true everyone I look at has a baby belly!! its as though its a taboo subject if i'm around, i can understand people dont want to rub it in but it makes me feel worse, but i must admit i found out a friend is pregnant and jealousy hit hard!! :(

    Good luck xx

  • Good luck sincerelyxx

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