Trying for a sibling. FET no 2 tomorrow after a failed one in January

[ashbb]

I hadn’t really considered the emotional pain of secondary infertility before. It’s different to the suffering I experienced trying to have my first child but it’s still there.

I’m still in a bit of disbelief that this is happening to us when it’s seemingly so easy for less healthy and older people. I never imagined this would be something I experienced in life and having to endure the waves of hope and despair in silence is brutal. I’m glad to be able to vent here.

We are very very lucky that the first transfer worked and produced my beautiful son 3.5 years ago. I foolishly assumed it would be straight forward trying for a sibling. The FET in January didn’t work. It was a 5 day “grade a”. I am told there could still be a genetic fault with any embryo and so it’s common for this to happen.

It’s hard not to blame myself for it failing - unlike last successful transfer, this time I am working, I haven’t been as consistent with vitamins, I haven’t done acupuncture, I haven’t been going therapy or eaten as many greens and I still have a coffee a day.

I’m not getting my hopes up and am somewhat emotionally detached from it but who knows…It’s just an expensive game of luck huh?

[Allotmenteer16]

My journey for a sibling has been a bit of a rollercoaster too, but I'm very lucky to now be 30 weeks pregnant with a boy after what we decided would be our last try.During the rollercoaster times of the last couple of years I was getting so stressed and it made me physically unwell with chronic dizziness that went on for 3 months. So this time round I definitely relaxed more (although I'm never fully relaxed being a somewhat anxious person!) and just kind of tried to carry on as normal (other than not drinking alcohol really).

I know what you mean by being emotionally detached, I think I spent a lot of time convincing myself it wouldn't happen and that now it has, it has taken quite some time to actually get my head round it which is mad given how much we put in to getting here!

I really hope you get the result you are looking for, try and stay relaxed where you can and take each day as it comes, all the very best xx

[ashbb in reply to Allotmenteer16]

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[Blahblahblahxxx]

Your journey sounds really similar to mine. Our first and fresh transfer worked back in 2020 and I have my beautiful 3.5yo daughter. Our second FET last January ended in a chemical, but like you I felt like I wasn't prepared like I was before, it's so easy to blame yourself! I started counselling, acupuncture and was a regular at the gym after that and my mental health improved massively! Fast forward to August last year we did our third (and final) FET and now I'm 30 weeks pregnant with a sibling! We had decided this was going to be the end of our journey no matter the outcome and I had made peace with that. I was looking forward to moving on from all the heartache and trauma.I found the emotions so much harder to handle with secondary infertility. You want to be present and be a good mum but the feelings are so valid.

It's a horrible journey but you have got this! Good luck 💕

[ashbb in reply to Blahblahblahxxx]

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[Nicccc]

I feel exactly the same…4.5 yo daughter after laparoscopy and fertility drugs. Assumed the same ‘formula’ would work after unsuccessfully trying for baby 2. No such luck and now trying to work out if I need another lap for endo with ovarian drilling before having ivf.

It’s hard cause I’m not just wanting a baby for me now I want my daughter to have a sibling for life.

Totally understand your gripe about others getting pregnant. I work within a job in social services, so see many people falling accidentally pregnant when their lives are not conducive to the same. It’s just a lottery (weirdly whilst I’m aware of this it doesn’t get me down….thankfully)

So nothing to say to help - just that you aren’t alone and I’m glad I’m not either x x x

[ashbb in reply to Nicccc]

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[ashbb]

thanks all. Transfer went relatively smoothly. After the initial scan I had to go back and wait for my bladder to fill more. This consultant wanted it fuller than than in the previous two transfers. I’m now 4 days past transfer. Obvs overthinking every twinge. When I got a positive with my first child, it was a blood test 10 days past transfer. Now they only do pregnancy pee tests…and want me to wait to 14 days 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️. Absolute torture. I might have to test early. Thinking 10 days again.