Hi all, my partner was diagnosed with azoospermia a few months ago and we are looking into alternatives such as adoption and sperm donation. They are both very different pathways and we are struggling to make a decision on which one to go with. Has anybody been in a similar situation and could help me navigate this decision?
Appreciate the help and sending positive thoughts to everyone!
So sorry to read your post Hope you get some replies that are helpful Has your clinic discussed with you the possibility of treatment ? This depends on the cause- if testicular they may be able to perform surgical sperm retrieval Please take a look at our website fertlitynetworkuk.org for emotional support and information about adoption can be found in Learn about fertility and this website gov.uk "Child Adoption " For sperm donation see hfea.gov.uk "Using a donor "
Thinking of you
Janet-Partner
Hi! I am currently pregnant after DE treatment with my husband's sperm. So we are the opposite scenario from you but still relatable experience, I think.
My advice is to access counselling to explore how you feel for either case.
I had the chance to work briefly in a fostering and adoption agency during my infertility journey and I found it very helpful. I was already done with my own eggs by that point and I was already thinking DE rather adoption but I still found it helpful and consolidated my decision. My decision was driven from the wish to carry a child so that I am able to be part of their development as early as possible.
If you have started looking into it you will know that adoption these days is different from what it was in the past. It is not a service for childless couples/individuals but a service for children who for whatever reason are in need of a family. And for this, adoption should concern people regardless of fertility status.
There are some parallels between adoption and donor conception however they are very different.
In adoption you are raising a child that someone else decided to bring in this world. In donor conception this decision is yours and your partner's with the help of the donor.
In both processes children will likely have to navigate identity issues and issues about genetic siblings and relatives that they might want or not to meet/contact.
One important thing to keep in mind is that children who find themselves in need of adoption are in most cases children who have been through trauma, loss, separation and abusive situations. This means that parenting needs to help them 'heal'. I think it is quite difficult and adoptive families need a lot of support and resources (that are very often not available ).
Although we decided adoption wasn't for us I think it is a very altruistic decision, one of the biggest kindest things someone can do. My worry was that I wouldn't cope and I wouldn't want to fail a child that had already been through a lot.
That's not to say that donor conception is without its complicationsand issues. Especially in anonymous donation.
In both scenarios you need to be prepared for additional challenges than what conventional families face.
In terms of practicalities both processes can be lengthy and costly. Donor conception might take time and loads of money to work. And there are legal procedures in adoption that can take a long time.
hi, we have a son and daughter via sperm donation as my partner is subfertile but also has kidney and heart genetic conditions.
We used the European Sperm Bank. I was 41 and 43 when the babies were born so the IVF was probably a bit longer and more expensive than it would be for someone younger than myself.
The ESB supply a lot of information about their donors, including lots of health information. With admin fees etc, it was about £1000 per straw and I needed 5 straws. I bought 2 extra which they bought back at 75% cost at the end of the treatment.
We didn’t really explore adoption so I can’t offer any experience there. I suppose from a selfish point of view, I wanted to be pregnant and give birth but I don’t know if that’s really a reason, it was just how I felt.
I joined the donor conception network which is very useful for connecting with people in similar situations. They run monthly zoom chats for people at various stages, they are very welcoming, friendly, relaxed meetings and I found it useful to chat things through with people in my situation.
At the time, it felt like a massive decision but I don’t really think about it now. Sure there will be conversations to have in the future but I feel at peace with trying to give my children the best chance of a healthy life without the worry of known genetic conditions.
Both paths are very rewarding, good luck whichever one you choose. There are many different paths to parenthood and growing our families and they might not be what we expected but they can all be equally filled with love. Good luck xx 🍀🍀
I’m sorry to hear this, have they done the surgical extraction as if they can find any sperm IVF/ICSI is still possible. That said my friend had none and they ended up using donor sperm and have two beautiful boys which are both so close to their daddy. They are in a support group for donor conceived families but they feel like a completely normal family, mainly because she still carried, breastfed etc etc I also know two other donor sperm conceived children and they are thriving.
Adoption is an entirely different and much more complex decision. Adoption shouldn’t be embarked on because of not being able to conceive, it should be a decision made as a real want and yearning to adopt for the reasons and needs of the child being adopted, not the parents needs. It is a huge undertaking and would require a lot of self work before being ready to do it. The children, without exception, will have varying amounts of trauma even if adopted at the youngest age as the most important time is between conception and age 1. That said, many wonderful people have really done the work and adopted successfully. The 3 families I know who have adopted are doing so well but it has been incredibly challenging for all of them along the way and continues to be.
I hope that is helpful, it’s not to say adoption shouldn’t be an option but just that I wouldn’t give the two equal weighting, they are completely different.
Wishing you all the best with whichever you choose ❤️
My partner has obstructive azoospermia. He ended up having surgical sperm retrieval and we were lucky that they found lots of sperm cells in the testes, although it does mean you need to have ICSI so it is a little more expensive. You'd also need to be prepared for potentially lower fertilisation rates and slower embryo development becuase the sperm isn't mature. I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant after our 3rd transfer (2nd cycle) so it can work. Depending on the cause of the azoospermia there may be options to explore that might help you to have a child using his sperm if that is preferable.
Good luck whatever you choose to do x
Anyone had to use donor eggs and donor sperm?
Paying for and deciding on private ICSI/donor egg fees and treatment
Adoption
Deciding on a protocol
