Hi I have no confidence left in own eggs and am struggling to know where to begin with donor eggs. I feel like I need to get a better understanding of certain things in terms of donor eggs.
Any practical tips or emotional ones for that matter are gratefully received.
My current clinic does not offer donor eggs so I would need to move clinics.
Can you share with me please any insights in to the following-
* how did you decide on fresh vs frozen eggs
/ how did you choose a clinic
* what were the waiting times
* did anyone PGTA test donor embryos? Did you have to "convince" your clinic to do this?
* how detailed is the testing on the donor and is the testing the same on fresh eggs and frozen ones
* were you successful on 1st / 2nd / 3rd transfer etc or are you still waiting for happy news?
* how to come to terms with using a donor egg
If you had a clinic that you really rate for donor eggs I'd love to hear that too (this bit by DM please).
I feel we've had a really difficult journey trying since 2019 and with two losses - one in second trimester. Not even one live birth, just sadness and ongoing frustration.
Needing fresh hope
Xx
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Skittles11
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I have 16 week old baby from donor eggs (in UK). We were lucky first time. Bought 12 eggs, 11 fertilised, all made it through to blastocyst. 6 were high graded. I wasn’t prepared to put myself through any further IVF with own eggs - chances were too low, and even if successful getting all the way through to live birth seemed too much of a risk. I didn’t want to spend every day of the pregnancy thinking I would miscarry. Donor doesn’t work for everyone but the chance of having a baby at the end is much higher.
I don’t know about testing the donor if you go abroad, but in UK testing is pretty thorough.
I had some concerns about going abroad regarding anonymity and future info about the donor, so it was important to me that I did it in the UK. but of course it is cheaper to do it abroad. I would consider that decision very carefully if you choose to go with donor eggs.
I also changed clinics for it. From making the decision to switch to donor to then being confirmed pregnant, it was a total of 9 weeks, that included medication prep beforehand, counselling, being matched, any tests needed that hadn’t already been covered by previous IVF treatment. I would recommend my clinic (in London) but maybe I wouldn’t feel that way if we hadn’t been successful!
@Dollymixture15 reading your story has given me so much hope. Currently in the TWW with our final round of OE IVF but already have a donor egg consultation booked because I sadly have very little faith in my eggs any more (I’m 39, with low AMH). Even if we get pregnant, I’m not sure I could cope with the worry of a miscarriage everyday for 9 months, especially as we’ve experienced two losses. Would love to know your clinic, would you mind DM’ing it? 9 weeks from consultation to pregnancy is the stuff of dreams. Huge congratulations on your 16 week old ✨
Our clinic offers a DE package of embryos, first transfer was fresh then FETs. Our clinic was recommended by a uk consultant and we went along with it, our experience has been good but if I was starting out again, I’d take a look around in UK and Europe. We waited around 6 weeks for a DE match. We havnt done PGTA tests on our donor embryos, ive read and listened to views on it and decided against it. I think it’s important that testing is on the same site as clinic, a question to ask prospective clinics. I’m still waiting on our happy ending, 5 transfers with 2 fails and 3 miscarriages. Maybe I’m foolish but Im not ready to give up. I don’t give much thought to genetics anymore, at the start I was upset at the thought of not having a mini me but as I learnt more I came to terms with it. The Donor conception network is a very good resource, check their website. We also done a few sessions of implications counselling. Sadly I can’t share good news but hope you find some comfort in my experience, donor conception feels very special to me.
Thank you for this. It is definitely of comfort. I will have a look at Donor Conception website. 6 weeks seems really fast for a match to be made. What clinic have you been using (would you mind sending me a private message)? Also you said if you were starting again you'd probably look in UK and Europe, do you mind if I ask why?
Why UK/EU clinics…At the time Anonymity was the biggest issue we had with DE, we felt we didn’t want our future children or anyone knowing. I was also grieving my lack of fertility and our European clinic had no lengthy waiting times. I was fed up and needed to move on for my own health. UK clinic waiting lists were long for DE but maybe that’s changed. We also make a holiday around treatment, sunnier weather in EU.
From what I know, Uk donors at the age of 18 can get access to identifying information. This isn’t the case in some EU countries. I would have liked our future children to be able to access information about their donor. But nothing is impossible with DNA tests. Ive read lots of papers that say that donor identity is now believed to have emotional benefits for the child, who may be curious about physical or personality and fears that this disclosure would adversely affect relationships with parents and family have been seen to be unfounded.
it’s a very personal thing, hope my honest experience is usefu. take some time to think about it all, explore all the different perspectives x
HelloInfertility is rubbish, DE wasn't the path we wanted or expected to be on but after 5 OE cycles I just couldn't do another one. In answer to your questions...
* how did you decide on fresh vs frozen eggs
/ how did you choose a clinic
Our clinic only used frozen so that made our choice, the consultants are quite research led and they were of the view that results are pretty much comparable to fresh and you don't have the need to time your cycle to the donor.
* what were the waiting times
We had a course of drugs to complete for recurring implantation failure (query if you have explored this?) over 3 months so signed up and then we were given access to the bank a few weeks before my course of drugs ended. I was a bit nervous on timing but it seemed to work out ok. We could have waited and waited for the perfect donor but we decided to go with our gut, someone who had children before to know their eggs were good!
* did anyone PGTA test donor embryos? Did you have to "convince" your clinic to do this?
No - decided because donor was younger we would try her eggs, didn't even ask clinic. I guess we would have done if we'd done a few rounds. We bought a large batch of eggs, which is typically 9 eggs. There was 10 in the pack, all defrosted. 8 fertilised, we got 4 blastocysts but only 2 made the cut. We put 1 back in and have frozen 1. I'm 10 weeks pregnant with the first transfer. I was a bit disappointed that we only got 1 blastocysts to freeze given the numbers but it is a bit of a lottery.
* how detailed is the testing on the donor and is the testing the same on fresh eggs and frozen ones
UK clinics do quite thorough tests with donor i think but not sure they do on the eggs.
* were you successful on 1st / 2nd / 3rd transfer etc or are you still waiting for happy news?
10 weeks with 1st transfer so still early days.
* how to come to terms with using a donor egg
I think we have processed it and don't think about it much right now but i expect this will go in waves. We plan to be open with the child. We have a couple of difficult family members who are obsessed with genetics/ ancestry etc so I feel a bit of a failure in that regard, if it wasn't for them it wouldn't be an issue. I sometimes think about what the child will look like and I'm a bit worried there are some strong facial features that look nothing like us but there are lots of children that don't really look like their parents!
Thank you for this info, it was really useful Can I ask you what clinic you use (could you private message me as I don't think we're allowed to say publicly)?
I have had various tests over the course of my treatment, can I ask which ones you mean for recurrent implantation failure? I have had some immunes ones e.g. NK cells and blood clotting.
I think I asm struggling to process it, and I want to get there sooner than later - I really just want a healthy child (I'm sorry to hear you have a few difficult family members, it's not fair for this to be even tougher than it is already) x
You can self refer to the recurring implantation failure clinic in Warwick/ Coventry university (linked to Tommy's). Professor Brosens is really nice and I found it helpful to get another opinion. They are undertaking research so do a series of biopsies (one of which is in relation to nk cells) - they prescribed a course of sitagliptin for me which they had found positive response to recurring miscarriages (which i haven't experienced) so they are wanting to test their hypothesis on whether it has the same effect for implantation.
hi
I’m at the beginning stages of looking at double donor ivf
I’m 44 and had two previous rounds of IVF with DS
Great number of eggs fertilised (13 and 12) but both rounds didn’t work out
Dr said it’s down to my egg quality
This network has been really supportive, and there are so many amazing stories of using DE on here
I’ve since joined the Donor Conception network - so hoping to join some of their zooms to gain more information and support
My clinic have around 40 donors in their U.K. bank currently
All for frozen transfer
They don’t think PGTA is necessary and they charge a fee to access the basic information on the donors (hair/eyes/build/ skin tone )
I’m still thinking things through - I have good days and bad - but continuing with the counselling and hoping the DCN will help me make a decision too
My story is a little different as we’ve chosen to use donor embryos.
I struggled at first not using my eggs but my fs gave me a 2% chance in my last conversation with her and that’s all I needed to hear!
I’ve finally made my peace with effectively using double donor and using a different donor than we used with my son.
I’ve been lucky enough to find someone willing to donate 9 embryos to me (egg donor eggs and her husbands sperm). I’m super lucky and I feel it’s a real gift.
Hopefully it works 🤞🤞🤞
I totally get your struggle - god it’s hard to let go. I think the stats just did it for me. Plus the crazy costs.
I actually wish my doctors would give me some proper statistics like this and just recommend donor eggs to me. I know it's not the case for all but I feel I would find it easier to accept. Instead they just tell me to try again. Maybe as they dont offer donor eggs they are not completely impartial? But I've had 6 cycles with not good results. I have made embryos in 4 of the cycles but have struggled with both egg quality and quantity. My successful IVF pregnancy ended with TFMR and I believe you had a similar situation yourself. I just feel I'm at the point where I need to make a drastic change and don't know where to begin. Am happy to hear you have found your way forward after everything. Can I ask how you think you made peace with it all?
Just to add, my consultants (despite offering donor eggs) sat on the fence a bit. My OE cycle results were mediocre... nothing to freeze but 1 or 2 blastocysts each cycle...so they said i was in grey zone. They couldn't conclusively say stop with my own eggs nor continue indefinitely. After 5 rounds i had just reached a point that I didn't want to do another round of drugs again, my body didn't feel my own. There's a niggle that maybe i should have had one last go with my own eggs given i had the course of drugs from the recurring implantation failure clinic... but if it hadn't have worked out I would have wasted another 6 months. I just wanted to move on! I think you will know when you get to that point. Good luck!
I know it really helped. She told me she wouldn’t let me do cycle after cycle as it’s so expensive and probably wouldn’t work. It made it a lot easier to move on.
I don’t want another TMFR or more heartbreak and whilst donor embryos aren’t a guarantee, they seem a much more likely to work option! I’m 43 and it’s more important I have a baby than the genetics.
Also my husband was a fan of donor embryos so that helped. Plus I found a great counsellor who specialises in infertility who has been bloody amazing.
The next hurdle is how many FETS do we have. But I’m just going to try and see how we go. Xxx
How I made peace switching to donor eggs is that I thought about myself and what I truly wanted. I want a family and to be a mother. I was getting really emotionally unwell with all the own egg cycles and the years were passing. I realised that at the end of the day I want to be a mother, and wanted to change to the option that gave me that best possible chance. For me that was donor eggs, upping my chances from around 5% to over 50. I know that loads of people still have success in that 5% but for me it wasn't doing good things for my mental health to continue without a change. I also followed some good accounts on donor eggs on Instagram which gave me some day to day insight into how it felt to be a mother to donor conceived children.
This is so true. The effect on mental health is profound. I wasn’t in a great place - having options and hope helped. Im feeling much better after finding a donor
I could have written this 😩I am place at the moment where realisation has hit that going to have to use donor I'm devastated but also grateful it's an option but at same time wondering will I ever truly be happy with donor baby and not feel like "real" mum. So sorry, no words of encouragement or useful information. Lol. Just sharing to know you're not alone, really. X
Hi FloraI know I saved a couple of your previous posts which I could relate to in terms of where you were at with your journey and considerations with donor eggs
Thank you for reaching out. I am in a similar head space but it has struck me that if it is a decision between a donor egg mum or not being a mum at all I would always pick donor egg mum. Reading people's stories is always helpful too, how they had similar fears and have not regretted their decision.
My greatest fear is I will go for donor eggs and make the leap and it still won't work.
I feel I have done all I can with own eggs now. Collected 23 over 6 cycles and really had to push my body hard for this due to low reserve. Not one of 23 has worked despite a few blastocysts. It is a hard realisation to come to terms with and I feel so sad as it feels I have spent so much time and energy not to mention money to get to this place of sorrow. Sorry you are having similar struggles xx
Hiya i think we are in a very similar situation. I think I have used about 15 embryos. None of them have implanted so I have rif. Even done all the ri stuff. We are unexplained infertility so I could technically get pregnant naturally but it's never happened in 8 years. I have the exact same fear. I cant bear the thought donor options not working either and I like you would rather have a donor baby than no baby at all. X
Sorry no useful information, but just to say, We are at the same stage as you Skittles11 - so many thoughts swirling around my head and it’s feels abit overwhelming right now!xx
Hi Skittles, I’m don’t have any advice as not at this point but may be in the future. Just wanted to wish you luck, hope and strength. I’ve thought about donor eggs and am open to the idea. You probably know, but there’s an instagram page/profile called #definingmum that is worth checking out. Best of luck xxx
I’m afraid I have no insight to offer, but look up @definingmum on Instagram - she writes and about donor conception and it’s so interesting and heart warming and insightful.
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