The pre-final round fears

[Darcy1996]

Hi all, hope everyone is well and coping as best they can. We are about to go into our third round of IVF / PICSI , having never got to transfer stage (we had 1 PGT tested embryo with a chromosome issue last round).

We‘ve taken a few months off to sleep, regroup, get counselling, have nutrition advice & change our supplements and diet for at least 90 days.

And now AF is here it’s hit me. I’m weeks away from stims again and the optimism has turned to terror/fear. What if the changes aren’t enough? Or they’ve done nothing at all? What if we still don’t get any embryos to transfer? How will I cope with that guilt? I know I’ll feel better for trying at least, but we cannot afford another round this.

Any tips on last round resilience appreciated.

All the best 💜

[DianeArnold]

Hi. Let’s hope when you’re ready this will be the successful one. I would reconnend that you only have vitamins etc that you need and give your liver a rest. Make sure your Fallopian tubes are clear so no lubrication can interfere with implantation. Acupuncture can sometimes help with womb lining. bica.net is good for counselling. I shall be thinking of you. Diane

[Darcy1996 in reply to DianeArnold]

thank you Diane - I am never sure if I really feel any benefit from acupuncture, but even if it helps me to sleep/relax, I think that's benefit enough! All the best

[CyclingAddict]

I just wanted to wish you luck. If you've been through multiple rounds of IVF you're already a very strong, resilient lady.

As far as the guilt, my husband carried a lot of guilt because we had to go down the IVF route because of male factor infertility. While it is upsetting, I wouldn't of wanted children with anyone else (in fact I didn't really think much about kids until I met him). I wish I could've taken that guilt away from him because none of it was his fault. I'm sure your partner feels the same way that I do.

Really hoping this works out for you. Look after yourself X

[Darcy1996 in reply to CyclingAddict]

Thank you so much CyclingAddict - we have the same re male factor, and I just hope all we have done is helping him too…but also, I don’t want to be the one to now let us both down. Trying to be more positive tho!

[Xmishell37]

Hey! Just want to see I feel this and you are not alone!! ♥️ Started stims yesterday for our 3rd and final round, trying icsi this time, can I ask where you are based? Wanted to try PICSI but my clinic don't do it, very basic NHS service in Scotland and we know there's high DNA frag. Well done for being disciplined with eating etc, we also took 4 months off since round 2 as I wasn't coping mentally, felt ok until yesterday when it all started again 🙈 but I've got the added guilt of not eating healthy at all recently as I just felt every effort was pointless, now I wish I'd made more effort 😟 xx

[Darcy1996 in reply to Xmishell37]

Hi Xmishell37 - we’re based in London & our clinic thankfully gave us PICSI for the same price as ICSI (which we needed as partner has low morphology). We started TTC when I was 39, so didn’t qualify for NHS treatment here by the time we got an appt, sadly. I wanted to go back to back on ivf rounds, but same as you, I couldn’t cope mentally & needed a break. I’ve felt so positive and strong…but now it’s here……….the sh*t got real, as has the doubts & regrets.

Keep reminding myself that plenty of people get pregnant on worse diets than us….fingers crossed for us both!

[Nakijo in reply to Darcy1996]

Wish you all the best

[Darcy1996 in reply to Nakijo]

thank you Nakijo <3

[Twiglet2]

good luck 🤗 one piece of advice I would have is take that ‘final round’ out of your thinking. I’ve did that to myself before and was in a terrible mindset full of fear and decided to not think about whether or not it was the ‘last one’ even though it likely was as it’s really unhelpful and put too much pressure on an already stressful situation. It turns out that wasn’t our last one anyways as we never know what the future can bring but hopefully for you it won't matter as this is your round! But defo ditch the ‘last round’ thinking if you can for your mental health’s sake 💜 xx

[Darcy1996 in reply to Twiglet2]

thank you Twiglet2 that's great advice and something I ought to work on - who knows, it might be my last because we're finally successful! Or I may win the lottery....

but jokes aside, this is a great thought and I appreciate it. I don't find it easy to shift my mindset, but I will practise saying "our next round" instead x

[AnnabelleH]

Hi Darcy,

I am also in the same position. After having two failed ivf cycles on the NHS. I am really struggling mentally and so my husband has decided we need a mental break from this. We will take 3 months off.

I started by calling this cycle my last and final cycle but then I started look at options abroad. I am going to consider ivf abroad now too. So I can hopefully feel less anxious about my final nhs cycle. It seems to be a lot more affordable abroad. I am currently consider a clinic in Prague or in Greece.

Can I ask what sort of things you did during your 3 months off. What vitamins you take to help your body before going into this cycle. I really want to try focus on my body and health during these 3 months off.

All the best for this cycle. Sending you lots of positive energy x

[Darcy1996 in reply to AnnabelleH]

thank you and sending positive energy your way as well! We looked at going abroad too and I do sometimes wonder if I should have still as I might have had another round in the tank...

So I was very lucky to have this group and tips from Millbanks and others 💜 for my re-set. Our 2nd round news came in early June, so I went to Glastonbury and focused on just having a phenomenal time! Then in July we had a couple's nutritionist review and went on tailored supplements from that - I cannot lie it has not been cheap, but it has been great so far. (I was already taking the multi-it and CoQ10 tablet from Ovum which I have continued). I have gastro-issues so for me it was important to really have something bespoke to ensure we worked around that. Then alongside that I have worked on all of the usual things - I have a high-pressure job with little support, and get c 5 hours a week so I've put in place 2 days WFH a week to help with that, and I try to get closer to 6.5-7 hours a night now...lots of water, 1 coffee max a day and v little alcohol for us both (3 a week tops)...keeping up with my steps and fitness (I train 4x a week at 5am to get it done 🙈)...reduced processed food (I didn't think I had a lot but I am veggie and so ate processed Quorn etc most days)....we eat in a similar way to the Mediterranean diet now and I am basically from 99% avocado, flaxseed and olive oil now 😉 but all sensible stuff that has also helped my IBS, my eczema and my outlook.

I see an acupuncturist as well now and have a plan to ramp that up and that is really helping with my sleep, plus a CBT counsellor for coping mechanisms. Basically, add in the nutritionist and a fitness coach and I have assembled my IVF Avengers!

Hopefully you don't need your rounds abroad - all the best!

[Millbanks]

Gosh that came around quickly!

I can totally understand those fears, its such an unknown and when you've put so much in to making changes a lot rests on that. But try to remember you have done all you can - you really have.

I totally agree with Twiglet2 that taking the "final round" thoughts out of your head might help. I am a commitment-phobe and for me, saying anything like that just always sent me spiralling. Although we couldn't really afford to do more, I would always just think "ok there is always another option if we absolutely need it" (which might not actually be true but still changes your mindset and helps to take the pressure off).

Wishing you lots of luck xx

[Darcy1996 in reply to Millbanks]

didn't it - I swear I was at Glastonbury last week and gratefully receiving your advice just days ago! 💜

I started with the new acupuncturist and when she asked how I was I said "great, excited to get your help and to start this next round" and I really was.....fast forward 2 weeks and the answer was "actually quite fearful now as I realise my next round starts in a month and it doesn't feel like I've done enough." So a complete 180...but I have been doing the ground work, we both have and I know that - but as you know these experts are so ££ and what if they aren't enough, and I haven't...I know whatever I have done, this is and will always be a case of "could I have done x or y instead" which I think is a hard thing to train myself out of...but I will definitely try and action a reframe as you and Twiglet2 have suggested. I just need to practise wording it differently. Next round, not last round, next round not last round..

Thank you as ever Millbanks x

[Millbanks in reply to Darcy1996]

It's totally normal to be anxious and worried about all those things - but reframing will help you push through I think!

I'm good thanks lovely, still trying to decide what to do with these flipping last 2 embryos.... xx

[Darcy1996 in reply to Millbanks]

that's tough - I always think I would know re an IVF decision at various stages, until faced with it. I hope you have a little more time to process and consider.

[Darcy1996 in reply to Millbanks]

and I hope you're "ok" too, apologies!

[Lamagarden]

No tips I’m afraid but wanted to say, you can do this. It’s not easy but you can do it. Wishing you all the best xx

[Darcy1996 in reply to Lamagarden]

Thank you so much 💜 I’m 8 days from my baseline scan now…it’s getting real 🤣😬