Work and IVF

[Salimali44]

I was wondering if anyone else struggles with trying to juggle working with the highs and lows of repeated IVF cycles. At the moment I have major anxiety as the end of my next two week wait coincides with a very busy couple of days at work- I am scared I’ll be so upset with a negative outcome that I won’t be able to manage work, but I also don’t want to let people down. I also don’t want my colleagues to know about my IVF (they are all lovely but I prefer to forget about it at work and don’t want to have to answer questions. Even sympathy is sometimes hard to take!) so it makes it even harder to ring in sick. What do other people do to juggle these demands? Does anyone have any advice?

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Can be a difficult time - does your work maybe have a fertility policy ? Might be an idea to speak to your HR dept Is possible you could work from home or take some holidays ? Make sure have people around you for support Take a look at our website fertilitynetworkuk.org for support [ Access Support ] and" Fertility in the Workplace"

Take care

Janet-Partner

[LittleSmall]

Hello! I haven’t told my manager about IVF but I did say that I am currently having some ongoing hospital tests and that I will have to take time off for those appointments but will work the time back the same week. Do you work a job where that kind of thing is possible? I think in my case, we have a policy where fertility/medical leave can be taken paid, and my manager didn’t want to be intrusive and ask details. This balance worked for me but I am lucky that my workplace is like that.

Also, was really upset after my first transfer was a BFN but for my second I tested on a home test the day before my OTD blood test. It was negative. Then my OTD test was also negative - but having that buffer of advanced knowing really helped me level out my disappointment. Just in case these ideas help! Wishing you lots of luck!

[Christianbaby]

I totally get how tough it can be to balance work and IVF, especially with the emotional rollercoaster of the two-week wait. It's like you're holding your breath, and at the same time, trying to keep everything at work running smoothly. That pressure to not let anyone down, while also protecting your own mental health, is such a tricky balance.

It might be worth considering taking some time off around the most difficult days, like when you're expecting test results. Even just a day or two to give yourself some breathing room can make a big difference. That way, you don’t have to worry about how you'll handle things at work if the outcome isn’t what you hoped for. And I totally get not wanting to share with colleagues—sometimes keeping that boundary helps you stay focused and keeps the IVF stress separate.

At the end of the day, you’ve got to prioritize yourself and your well-being. Give yourself some grace, and do what feels right for you. Wishing you strength and lots of positive thoughts! xxx

[Crazycatlady007]

I could have written this post myself - I really really feel this with the juggle. I hadn’t told anyone either but somehow it just all managed to work out around work and busy periods and I managed it okay. It was stressful but I also think work helped take my mind of things. I just did a lot of thinking about how to reframe situations which would normally be stressful as I wanted to give myself the absolute best chance possible so tried to keep calm regardless of what was happening at work. I completely understand not wanting to tell people as I didn’t want to either x

[Salimali44]

thanks for all you supportive comments. It gets harder each time - the first round was OK as I could make some vague “health problems” excuses and take some time off. But by the fourth round now people are going to think I’m seriously ill! Also I really can’t take time off around the test date as I have some deadlines I can’t miss and there’s not really anyone to cover me- plus the fact I’ll already have taken so much time off for the transfer etc. It all feels overwhelming at the moment, I’m worried something has to give and it may be my mental health! I’m hoping that I’ll be able to put my feelings aside and get through the busy period at work and then let myself feel everything later?

[Kitkat10]

hi, I feel for you because I felt the same way. I tried to schedule time off for some of the 2ww or try and use days around weekends to lengthen the weekend at least. I understand that you don’t want to let people down but during this stressful time, it is also ok to focus on yourself and put yourself first.

I remember booking half a day off for an egg collection and my boss made a passing comment about my ‘half day’, but he had no idea of the process we have to go through. So I stopped apologising for legitimate time off and decided to ‘own’ my right to focus on the most important thing in my life right now which was having a baby.

I didn’t test on days before I had to work the following day, because I wouldn’t have been able to face work. I booked time off accordingly or tested 1-2 days early to at least give myself time to process the result before facing work.

I can 100% relate to how you feel. The biggest change in my thinking was to forgive myself for putting my baby quest first and my job second for a temporary time. It’s a really tough time to navigate, keep going and try and be kind to yourself xx

[Sunflowerrain]

Totally get this feeling. In my case I ended up having to tell my manager as my direct report announced her pregnancy at the same time I was starting IVF. My mental health was really struggling and I ended up disclosing to him so that he could take on the pastoral management of her pregnancy. It’s meant I’ve had some tough convos, I also had to disclose a small amount to my line report to help her understand the situation and she was nothing but understanding but honestly it’s been a relief to just be open about the complexities of this. My work have generally been supportive, although my male boss has no direct experience and does slightly put his foot in it slightly sometimes he tries to listen and is happy to take my guidance on things. All in all I think this is one of the toughest things you can go through and your manager knowing if they’re broadly a supportive person can be helpful.