Just wondered if anyone has any advice on how to deal with IVF/ongoing hospital appointments and work?
I recently started a new job and have received a promotion which is due to start in January. I've had to take time out nearly every week for the last 3 months for various scans & tests and while my work haven't really questioned it, I wonder if it's getting to the point where I need to be honest with them. However, I don't want them to think this will reflect badly on my work and regret giving me the promotion!
I will probably need a laparoscopy in the near future and should also be starting ivf within the next 6 months.
Did anyone on here tell their work about ivf? Or is it best to keep it quiet? Do workplaces have policies on needing time off for fertility treatments? I'm not even sure who to speak to in my workplace, could an occupational nurse help with advice?
Thanks in advance x
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Yuki33
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Congrats on your promotion Does your work have HR Dept ? they may have a policy that covers appointments etc Take a look at our website fertilitynetworkuk.org for info &help re work place On main page click menu and select FITW [Fertility in the workplace] it covers various topics - employers support and employee support etc Might be an idea to speak to occupational nurse as well
Congrats on the promo 💫 I chose to be open and honest with work as I worry a lot, and was worried about the consequences of missing work for appointments, egg collection etc. work have been incredibly supportive and it’s made the whole process a lot easier, particularly as I’ve had 3 egg collections this year 🫠
I spoke to my manager so there was no need to involve anyone else but you could go to your HR dept. Good luck xx
I think it depends on your workplace and manager. My manager really wanted children but didn’t have a partner and didn’t want to do it solo, so she was quite resentful of colleagues with families/partners etc. therefore I had to be quiet about it all.
It wasn’t too difficult for me though because I work hybrid and therefore could arrange my appointments on home working days either at lunchtime or later in the day, and I made it work.
Yeah I think you're right. Im a bit torn as I'm so new to the company, I don't want them to think I'm taking the p*** by disappearing for appointments all the time and not explain why, but yet I also don't know anyone well enough yet. Plus its mostly men I work with
It's the mental load as well. Im not even at the ivf stage yet but my god, each day is a struggle. The constant worry, uncertainty, getting triggered by yet another friends pregnancy announcement. It can be hard to out a smile on and do your best at work. I wonder if by reaching out to my manager, there might some understanding there x
I told my manager and it has helped- I didn’t want to tell colleagues as I couldn’t stand all the speculation. But my manger knowing has meant I’ve been able to call in sick for the various appointments and also for today when very sadly my cycle hasn’t worked and I just felt too awful to go in. It’s good to give yourself the option of not having to force yourself to put a brave face on.
I'm so sorry to hear that and thanks for replying. You are so right, not having to paste a smile on your face and just get on with it would be a big help sometimes. Take care x
I know what you mean. From what I hear from friends is that male managers can be more understanding (I don’t have experience of this but sharing what I’ve been told).
I would suggest like others have said to check your HR policies and take it from there. Honesty really is the best policy, I just couldn’t do it for my own unique circumstances xx
I think it may depend where you work - is it a small business or a corporate? If the latter, a lot of them will have policies that cover medical appointments (some develop specific policies for IVF/fertility).
Personally, I have found it helpful to be honest with my work though I have been there for 11 years and have a good relationship with my line manager who’s been really supportive but sure everyone’s situation is different.
I was honest with my manager and I found her support incredibly helpful. I am not a good liar and thought that honesty is best policy. My close colleagues knowing helped me through two failed transfers. I could not possibly put a brave face on and pretend nothing happened when I was devastated about my negative results.
my doctor work from 6:30am till night, so I can either go very early morning or late evening to avoid working time, some doctors is happy to do that, whatever time is convenient for you
Hi. Congrats on your promotion. I didn’t want to tell people at work, as I know that there are certain people who will be circling around my job if they know I might be going on maternity leave. Sigh! I spoke in complete confidence to a lady in HR, and we agreed that I would tell my line manager that I was having a “medical procedure” (which was really my egg collection) - and would be working at home for the following two weeks. I’ve done that three times this year now, so he must be smelling a rat. But he has been v understanding when I need to head to town for various “hospital appointments”. My company doesn’t have an IVF Policy, but the lady in HR asked for my advice on whether they should draw one up. It would be a good thing to do, but doesn’t really get around the fact that I don’t want people at work to know that I’m doing IVF. Wishing you the best of luck x
Perhaps rather than saying its Fertility issues, say its gynecological investigations. That way you're being just truthful enough but not having to put pressure on yourself of others knowing. I didn't tell anyone at work I was planning ivf. I booked time off here & there & arranged appointments around time off where possible but admittedly for one or two appointments I simply said hospital appointment with being specific about what they were for. Congratulations on your promotion. Do whatever you feel most comfortable with.
I searched "infertility" on our work intranet recently and discovered they have a page all about staff time off for infertility and even have a policy to allow up to 3 days paid time off pro rata per IVF cycle. Worth having a look!
Thanks for this. I did have a look and didn't see anything. I work for such a big company it's not always easy to find info and I don't know who to reach out to to ask. That's why I was wondering if occupational health would be my best bet.
Hi, my employer has an IVF policy and allows 5 days off per year for treatment. I considered it and decided for various reasons I needed to tell my manager. I was thinking about stress, time off, covering workloads, hiding when I'm struggling etc etc. He was (and continues to be) so supportive. I've had as much time off as I need for collection, scans, transfers, counselling. Full days and part days and also just hours here and there and working from home to deal with announcements and negative results and all the other difficult stuff. It is a really tough decision but at the end of the day, I figured if I was treated badly for IVF treatment, I'd be treated badly for maternity leave. And if I'm treated badly for maternity leave, it's not a place I want to give so much of my life to. I have no regrets - the initial conversation was horrible but once I did it, it has made everything so much easier.
Thankyou so much for this. I was still undecided but you've just made me see that it is defo the right thing to do. And like you say, if they can't be supportive and offer flexibility when you're going through something like this it's not really somewhere you want to be working. X
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