completely numb and don’t know what to do - heartbeat stopped

[Memacha]

I can’t believe I’m writing this, I thought I’d be telling my family good news today instead. I went for a scan at 7+4 and the baby had no heartbeat and stopped growing at 7 weeks. I have only 2 really low grade embryos frozen and would like to transfer as soon as I can. I’m not expecting them to work and then I’d need to move on to another egg collection when time isn’t on my side. I’m scared about the miscarriage management options and wondering if people have any experience or advice on what to do? If you have the pill or surgery how long do you have to wait for a transfer and do they have long term implications on an already poor fertility situation? Is waiting and hoping it happens naturally better? Or is it likely I’d end up needing medical management anyway?

[Millbanks]

Hello lovely,

I'm so sorry to read this - I experienced similar recently. It's heartbreaking.

In terms of next steps, I waited for the pregnancy to pass naturally after stopping the meds - for me it didn't happen. Due to reasons outside of my control I ended up waiting 4 weeks before going to the EPU - and they scanned me again and offered medical management. They give you a pessary / tablet and which causes contractions and forces the uterus to expel the tissue.

I took that (for me it was horrendously painful although I know others who've had much better experiences) but unfortunately 2 weeks later my tests are still positive which indicates retained tissue. I had another scan which showed 3cm of tissue still in my uterus - so I have waited another week and my period has started which will hopefully clear it out. If my tests are still positive after my period then I will have to have a D&C.

So for me it's been 8 weeks since it happened and it's still ongoing. In hindsight I should have just opted for the D&C straight away and not gone through all of this. But hindsight is a wonderful thing and everyone reacts differently.

Apparently you are much more likely to conceive after a miscarriage but I'm not sure if that really applies to IVF transfers. But I think after you have had a period you can start again.

Hope you're doing ok xxx

[Memacha in reply to Millbanks]

Thanks for taking the time to reply and I’m so sorry it’s been such a lengthy process for you. I can imagine once you have the bad news that it’s not viable, you just want it to be over as quickly as possible.

[Wannabb20 in reply to Memacha]

Just to say briefly this exact same thing happened to me, I waited for it to pass, then did medical but it didn’t work and ended up doing surgery which I wish I’d done at the beginning. I had the transfer in Sept and the surgery wasn’t until Jan so it can go on a bit Like you I have 2 lower qualities left to try now going again next month apprehensively it’s taken me all this time to feel ready again x

[A_Fortune]

hi lovely, so sorry about your news. Your head is spinning right now and you’re in no condition to make big decisions. Please take some time to help yourself and process what is happening now - even though it hurts a lot! My body did what it needed to do so I never took medication or had any surgery for a miscarriage so I can’t help you with that. But my pregnancy that went the farthest was a low grade embryo so don’t think too much about that. Take care x

[Memacha in reply to A_Fortune]

Thanks for replying and I’m sorry you also had to go through a miscarriage. How long after your loss were you able to try again? You’re right that my head is spinning but it’s been a mess for years now so unfortunately it’s par for the course. You just feel every time you’ll have better luck and then wonder why you were ever optimistic

[A_Fortune in reply to Memacha]

I was pregnant three times and I've had a miscarriage each time, at different stages for different reasons. I seem to only get pregnant through IVF, but implantation has been overall successful. The truth is we start talking about trying again almost immediately. I remember talking about trying again whilst I was still miscarrying - but I knew it was lunacy and totally unhealthy. We've waiting at least 3 months before going back to the clinic. And yes, I feel the pressure of time as I've just turned 40. It's bonkers, and torture and so much anxiety and suffering. I do what I can to make sure I am okay, everything else... we'll see.

[CardiGrey]

Hi Memacha. Really sorry to hear of your experience as I’ve been through similar. My pregnancy passed naturally so I don’t have any answers regarding the management options, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you at this time. There are many people on here who have transferred low grade embryos and been successful but I can understand thinking cautiously and not wanting to get your hopes up especially after your loss. Thinking of you and your family ❤️

[Memacha in reply to CardiGrey]

Thanks for your kind reply. How long did it take for you to pass your pregnancy naturally? I’m sorry you also had to go through your loss

[CardiGrey in reply to Memacha]

It took 2.5-3 weeks. However, I know some people who passed their pregnancy in just 1 day. Everyone’s bodies are so different. Thank you, it was a year ago and I’ve had no other pregnancies since. I’m not sure if it will happen again, but I’m trying to remain hopeful xx

[Joeysjourney]

I'm so sorry, I'm going through it at the moment. What a blow. It's truly awful and I'm so sorry you've faced this. I've my final scan on Friday and then will decide next steps re management. Not sure what to do as I want to try again as quickly as possible.

Sending huge hugs and love your way. Xxxx

[Memacha in reply to Joeysjourney]

I’m so sorry you’re going through it too. It’s so unfair after such a difficult journey to get pregnant in the first place. I’m in the same boat as you, want to try again asap but don’t know which approach is most likely to achieve that. My clinic are recommending waiting to see if it passes by itself for a bit first but I’m worried it could drag on or suddenly come when I’m least expecting it

[Gerbear22]

Hi there.So sorry for your loss.Its just awful.I had my second loss in April.I had opted for the d&c option like I had with my first miscarriage but the option was taking out of my hands as I started to pass the pregnancy on my own which was horrific(I won't go into details) for me personally but i know of many women where that is not the case.I won't go into details but I still ended up having to go through 2 lots of medicated management(2 weeks apart) for retained tissue.Didnt work!Ended up needing a d&c after all.I would do what you feel is best for you emotionally and physically.We were told we could try another ivf cycle 1 month after the miscarriage but due to the nature of the miscarriage and how drawn out it was it was put back another month.We then caught covid so put back another month but will be starting stims when my period arrives in 2 weeks time.Sending you lots of love during this very difficult time.x

[Memacha in reply to Gerbear22]

I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve gone through. That must be so frustrating having to go on so long and then end up with d&c anyway. Wishing you the best of luck for your upcoming cycle

[Kittykat198]

I’m so so sorry. This happened to me in 2022 and like you, I was utterly heartbroken.

I’ve had five miscarriages overall. 3 naturally, one with medication and one where I had some complications and retained tissue.

Please remember that for most people, stopping the meds is enough to let your body do what it needs. Without complications, usually miscarriages can take a few days with a couple of weeks for the bleeding to stop and to test negative on a home test.

For most people, the medication works well (it does speed things up though and can make you feel quite sick).

Your clinic/ EPU will be able to advise you best but if it helps mine we’re keen to avoid surgery unless necessary.

I didn’t have a frozen transfer straight after my last miscarriage but had a hysteroscopy. I was told by the clinic to have a period and then started stims on the cycle after. I think I had an ultrasound before I started stims with the consultant but that might have been from the retained tissue.

So it wasn’t a huge wait, just a month to give my body a rest. I was desperate to continue as I was in the process of turning 40 so I think the time depends on your clinics waiting list.

My poor quality left over embryo is now 14 months old so I really wouldn’t completely write off your two Frosties. If they are good enough to freeze, they are good enough to have a chance.

I had two lots of medical management in 2022 and a hysteroscopy (for the same miscarriage) and was able to conceive twice in the 4 months following this (one chemical for my fresh round straight after and one baby from my fet). So really don’t think the miscarriage management impacted anything.

Sending hugs x

[Doodlebug23]

When I had my mc I opted for surgical management. I found it very quick and almost painless barr some horrid cramps after. I felt guilty as it was so “easy” physically.

I’ve heard lots of bad experiences from those who had medical management.

[Hopewhite]

hi Memacha , I’m so sorry for your loss it’s truly heartbreaking, I hope you have lots of love around you to take you through this. Make sure you focus on your recovery, be kind to yourself everything else can wait for now , hopefully it will all go as well as these things can for you xx

If the MC doesn’t start on its own, I’d say the quicker way through it might be d&c, although it does bear a small risk of scarring. Chances are they might not have immediate availability, so you could still see if it happens naturally whilst you’re waiting for the op. I opted to let nature take its course, waited for 11 days and since nothing happened, I then asked for medical management. The tablets did make effect within a few hours, I had cramps that were bearable with paracetamol and hot bottle of water , heavy bleeding and clots. It only lasted like 12 hours then it all stopped. It turned out that wasn’t it and 2 weeks after I went through it all again !, at that point I rang EPU and asked to be scanned as I wanted to know if it was all complete , all in all it took like 4-5 weeks for me. Which was too long for the physical side as I wanted to move on , then my period took like 1.5 months to return. Our clinic asked for 2 periods before another transfer.

Each body is different there are others who have a much straight forward experience, hopefully your body will start the process on its own , and everything will be quicker for you .

Sending you strength and love ❤️

[Booda21]

I don’t have any answers or experience but I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for your loss and i am sending you lots of love 🤍

[alma88]

Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss I know how difficult can be, try to focus on recovery for now and later on transfer, I’ve just had my transfer Mon after a miscarriage in April, I wasn’t ready to start over again sooner. I’d say listen to your gut about miscarriage options, surgery is usually last option and wouldn’t go through unless absolutely necesarry( I did ended up having D&C after an incomplete medicated miscarriage but guess was just unlucky) think in total been around 9-10 weeks till I had my period after heartbeat stopped. If you would ask me now, I’d rather wait and let it happen naturally although it can take a while.All the best and try to stay strong, you got this x

[GranolaHippo]

Hi Memacha,

Really sorry to hear your news, it is such a big shock to process. Be gentle and kind with yourself as your mind loops about and tries to absorb the news.

In terms of management, it is worth bearing in mind that medical (pills) mean you can't try for 3 months after your last dose. This is because one of the drugs is, I think, effectively a chemo drug (or similar) and attacks fast growing cells. It takes up to 3 months to exit your system. At least, this is the advice from my EPU.

I've also heard it's a very rough experience, so I've never opted for it.

In terms of surgical and natural, both have pluses and minuses.

The 'benefits' of natural management is that it is least invasive and, in my experience, the swiftest to recover from physically. Not in terms if trying, just in terms of feeling like myself again.

The downsides are not knowing when it'll happen (fear not, it's not a big whoosh like on TV or films! Much more like getting your period) and living with that uncertainty can be tough. You're also alone, in terms of medical support when it happens, and are faced with what to do with the (using preferred medical term) products of conception after. Also, stock up on painkillers. I've usually been fine with ibuprofen and co-codamol, and I stagger doses so they don't both run out at once.

Surgical has the benefits of a set time, medical support and they handle the products of conception, and you're likely yo know if the miscarriage is complete.

The only downsides I've found are a slightly longer physical recovery (I had a small infection) and the process was painful (forget all that 'period like' BS in leaflets) but there is also a risk of utetine scarring, from ptocedure itself or an infection after (it is rare to get one). These are very rare complications, but good to be aware of them.

For that reason, I'd recommend discussing available pain relief (what was offered on the day to me was not what was listed in the leaflet) and the benefits of general anaesthetic, in terms of completeness of procedure and pain relief.

With natural and surgical you're guided yo wait one full cycle after your miscarriage before trying again. This is to do with ease of dating a subsequent pregnancy. My clinic want at least 2 cycles gor physical recovery.

I would also not underestimate the emotional toll and, as you can see from people on here, the worry that follows. So, even with time and all that internal pressure to be pregnant yesterday, I would recommend taking time, being good to yourself, indulging your body a bit (in both sugary, boozy and exercise-y things, once it feels like it wants those things again).

Give your brain space, it is a lot, and focus on the end goal of having enough in the rank to parent, rather than just be pregnant again (I know that is hard!).

Wishing you all the best, and all the crap comforting TV in the meanwhile.xx

[VeeVee_bb]

Hey, I'm so so sorry to read this. My losses have always been under 7 weeks (although my first was a missed miscarriage, assumed stopped growing at week 6, only found out in week 9 before my viability scan).

I'm assuming you are in the UK; I'm not from the UK and my mum has always encouraged me to get a D&C each time I miscarried. It is the norm in my country no matter how many weeks. It isn't easy to get the UK hospitals to agree to surgical treatment but I would strongly encourage you to push for it. It's not a bad thing if you can pass it naturally, albeit unpleasant. The medicated route is cruel, don't put yourself through that.

Whichever route you choose, you will need to wait 1-2 bleeds before you try again. This is to give your body a chance to recover.

Take care of yourself.

[Twiglet2]

I am so so sorry 😢 your clinic should talk your through your options I stopped meds and let it happen naturally which had worked for me but it’s a very individual and personal decision. I was told that the pessary/medical and surgical interventions would delay treatment in the future so your clinic should let you know that too. I’m thinking of you, it’s heartbreaking 💔