43 and game over

[Kel8018580]

I’ve just had my first fertility appointment after waiting 8 months. I have had 5 miscarriages (3 being chemicals). I had blood tests done for fertility last year and was told on two separate occasions they were both normal. However have been told by a different doctor yesterday this indicates peri menopause. I’ve been sent away to do an Amh test and another blood test but basically told that’s it. Nothing else they can do. I feel completely lost now. They haven’t even mentioned the endometriosis investigation and I was so shocked I didn’t ask . Has anyone got any advice I don’t know what to say.

[Tnthketnf]

I am sorry for your losses and that this is happening. The truth is that there very little to be done in any case of infertility not just your specific circumstances. Indeed because perimenopause is normal some doctors forget its signicance for people who try to conceive.

You could consider seeing a private consultant/fertility clinic. There are tests for recurring miscarriages.

The NHS rarely offers anything for women over 40 but some private clinic specialise in this. But again there isn't any guarantee and success rates are very low for over 40s. Still, not a miracle, that's why we are here. And that's just luck, as I have learned there aren't many answers available and more often than not, fertility doctors will say 'we don't know why'.

All the best!

[Kel8018580 in reply to Tnthketnf]

Thank you I appreciate the time you have taken to reply.

[clevernoggin]

I am so sorry to hear this. Fwiw I am very nearly 42 and finally after three years of seeing the GP to request tests, and referrals for infertility and possible endometriosis, (initially fobbed off with 'it will happen for you, keep trying regularly and come back in a year' and the referrals never materialised as they were on an 18-24 month waiting time), we relocated to a new area and I started all over again only to be referred (and seen) within a month. They allowed me an NHS funded round at age 41, but it went really badly and we didn't get to ET and my tests and scans showed in the intervening period all the important things were really low/negligible (AMH, AFC). We moved quickly onto private ICSI, I filled up on vitamins from the It Starts with the Egg book (Ovum, Pharma Nord bio quinone gold, omega3, magnesium, b12 and 1000IU extra vitD), ate well, drank plant based protein shakes every day, and we are in the TWW of a fresh transfer (none to freeze, as they all developed too slowly). It could all still come to nothing but we got a lot further than predicted from the first cycle experience and those initial test restuls. If you don't already know then request the actual values from your test results, get them repeated if its been a few months, and seek a second opinion. Private clinics that specialise in over 40s may have better advice for you. It will all cost a bomb but that's the reality, unfortunately All the best x

[Kel8018580 in reply to clevernoggin]

Thank you. I’ve been doing the vitamins for about a year already. Have been reading these forums so taken on board. The worst advice was to take inositol even if you don’t have PCOS . It basically put me into a false menopause and I didn’t have a period or Cm for 3 months. I stopped it and it all returned. Still taking ubiquinol , folic acid, vit D and aload of others. I probably will seek a second opinion but just feeling a bit jaded after getting to this point to be fobbed off. I have my fingers crossed for you in your TWW I know how every day of it is torture x

[clevernoggin]

Yes unfortunately my experience of NHS docs has been mixed, and some seem to lack any empathy (although I did also have some lovely kind helpful ones) and I was fobbed off too and left feeling robbed, empty, despairing. You could think about just getting a consultation with a private IVF clinic to seek their honest opinion on your situation - they will be the most experienced and knowledgeable and I guess you need facts at this point and guidance from experts. All the best x

[MVS22]

Hi, you need to go private ASAP. I don't think you would get any free rounds with NHS anyway?My doctor did a similiar thing, when I finally had my appointment with the fertility nurse. My appt was delayed due to covid which was understandable but she told me I didn't qualify for a free round on the NHS due to my age (I was 42 at the time). My doctor was surprised when I told her this. She had no idea on the qualifying criteria! So I feel she wasted my time and went private and everything moved a lot quicker...consultations, tests etc

[Lenley81]

So much with the NHS depends on where you live. I was really lucky that I was able to have one NHS round with IVF at the age of 42. If we lived literally a few meters down the road (and therefore in the next county) we wouldn’t have had any free rounds as the cut of age is 35. It’s ridiculous!

[Doodlebug23]

Have you thought about donor eggs?

[Kel8018580 in reply to Doodlebug23]

Hi yes have thought of that but I don’t think it’s for me

[Rubylou01]

Hi Kel - like the other ladies have said go properly private - I am doing it at aged 44 after my NHS clinic told me to stop earlier this year and I wish I had jumped ship earlier. My new Dr told me your success rate depends on two aspects; your age and your AMH. So definitely get that tested. BUT even if one is high and the other is low you can still be successful. My old clinic told me they'd do the same protocol again if I went ahead, my new clinic said they had more successful outcomes with introducing new types of medication, that they'd test any embryos and then if I had a successful blastocyst I had 55% chance of having a baby (if no blastocysts then egg quality is the problem) but if I had a good blastocyst they'd then test for Alice, Emma etc to make sure blastocyst going into safe environment. My new clinic also looked at my blood work - at the first meeting. My own GP told me I was peri-menopausal based on nothing more than my age when I asked via an online form about a random blood clot that appeared at day 19 of my cycle (I have polyps but who cares about that!). My NHS clinic couldn't have been more disinterested either. My new clinic said my AMH was very good for my age. So completely different viewpoints and approaches and level of care. You have nothing to lose by seeking a second opinion from a clinic who will be able to offer you a more bespoke treatment plan. They won't sugar coat it but I have so much more hope now xx

[Kel8018580 in reply to Rubylou01]

Thank you so much. I am going to get my AMH tested definitely. It was a blood test that they have used to say I am perimenopause. I have to say I think they are sadly right about it. I am two days over my period again and negative tests. They are redoing a blood test but have said my LH was elevated last time and I have noticed that from doing my own tests at home. It stays high all month. I think I will look at a private clinic to see what my options are if the AMH is still within range if that is low also then I think i have to accept things 😭

[Missfh]

It sounds like you have options to investigate and lots to process so this is really just planting a seed for you to come back to further down the line and give some reassurance of the many different paths open to you.

I went through many many rounds of egg freezing and then IVF in my late 30s and early 40s with no success. I never really considered egg donors until I was in the midst of yet another unsuccessful round where the doctor gave me an honest answer and said my chances per round were less than 10 percent. At that point I just thought, wow I can switch to an egg donor, and increase my chances to over 60%, I can choose the donor, I will be pregnant and grow the baby with my own cells and influence heavily how this baby develops (epigenetic factors are huge).

I spoke to those who had adopted who also had their own genetic children, who bonded to and loved their adopted children just as much. I looked at my dog who isn't even the same species and who I didn't give birth to and felt how much love I had to give.

I also looked at my relationship with my mum - we are very close, and we are very alike. But our similarity is a curse as much as a blessing 🤣🤣 things can get fiery very quickly and neither of us is able to back down. I thought, are my genes really so great anyway?! I generally find it easier to get along with those who don't share my genes 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️

Roll on 2 years, and I have the most perfect little 13 month old baby, and am shortly going for a second with a banked embryo which would be a full sibling to my daughter. I couldn't love her anymore, it just is not important to me that she didn't come from my egg.

Many women aren't able to use a donor because they have issues other than egg quality, so I feel huge gratitude that my body could grow this perfect little bundle.

It's not for everyone, but I hope this just gives some food for thought and lights a path you may not have previously considered.

Sending hugs XxX

[Kel8018580 in reply to Missfh]

Ah thank you , it’s a very personal choice and something I have thought a lot about. I’m not sure I would be able to go down the route of DE. I think I would struggle with it .

[chickpealover]

I had a very good experience through the NHS. I had a fresh transfer with a positive result however it unfortunately ended in miscarriage. Just had a FET in March and now 12.5 weeks pregnant, I am now 41. Praying for you and that you get your happy ending.

[Zassa]

Hi since you're getting pregnant I don't think you need to worry about IVF. And don't care about AMH because people can still conceive with very low, almost 0 AMH, it doesn't tell about fertility. I would suggest you checking hormone levels e.g. progesterone - could it be a reason for repeated miscarriage? Then focus on improving egg quality, read It Starts with the Egg and improve diet, get on supplements, live a 'clean' lifestyle avoiding chemicals. A lot of info is in the book, 3rd edition. Good luck, you can have a healthy child at 43!

[MontsJ]

I would look to having a private consult with one of the repro immunologists in London, they’ll look at the tests yiu’ve had so far and see if there is anything else that needs checking. I think it’s unlikely that the NHS have checked your NK cells. On what basis has the GP established that you are perimenopausal? If it’s your FSH there are a number of Facebook support groups for conceiving with high FSH. And it is possible to reduce your FSH, I am 43, perimenopausal, I’ve had periods of anovulation with an FSH in it’s 40’s but my period is now regular and my FSH has gone back under 13 the past few months. That was doing a number of things but the big one has been going on a ruthless autoimmune protocol diet. I don’t believe it’s game over for me, but I have consulted with doctors who have made me feel like this. My current doctor does not think things are hopeless. And if your AMH is low, it just tells you that you are likely to respond poorly to IVF, it tells you nothing of your ability to conceive naturally. IVF would allow you to do PGT-A to ensure at least you are transferring a normal embryo. There are doctors who will work with older women with low AMH +/- high FSH.

[Kel8018580 in reply to MontsJ]

Thank you so much I didn’t know this. Yes was just on my blood FSH

[Milly_Oz]

After trying for 5 years including 18 months doing 4 ivf cycles we thought we would have a break from it all. I’d had 4 miscarriages (natural pregnancies) and from ivf we only got 1 good embryo that then didn’t work even after doing those addition Alice tests etc. We were very close to going down the donor path and I would still consider that in the future.

We ended up having a break from it all seeing a fertility naturopath (privately) to get my egg quality the best it could be and my husbands sperm too. I also dropped a day at work and switched jobs to reduce stress. We ended up getting pregnant naturally and I just had a beautiful little girl…when I was 43.

The naturopath should look at all your tests and make sure everything is optimal for egg health and pregnancy not just in the normal range for a GP. I saw Tash Jennings (but she’s in Australia where I live). Definitely get a 2nd opinion.

Don’t give up!

Wishing you every success xxx

[Kel8018580 in reply to Milly_Oz]

Thank you so much 😊 x