Struggling with the idea of not being able to conceive naturally…

[Handsinthesoil]

… anyone else struggle to give up the hope of a natural conception?

We’ve been trying for 2 1/2years and about to start IVF, I’m grateful to be able to try IVF, daunted that it won’t work and sad that we couldn’t conceive naturally…

I always thought that I would be able to have a baby and to conceive naturally, it’s all a little surreal still and I think because we’ve had that classic diagnosis of “unexplained infertility” there’s always been that hope that it would still happen naturally…

Now however I think I’ve lost so much trust in my own body I’m not sure I believe IVF will work and I can’t help but catastrophise that I’ll never be pregnant…

As you can probably tell, I’m feeling very sad and down as I’ve just started my period AGAIN and this one is hurting after my best friend announced her own pregnancy after only a short time trying…

[Newcastle12]

I feel exactly the same! I have unexplained fertility have been trying for 2.5 years and had on paper the best chance with IVF but actually we’ve had two pretty rubbish cycles! My best friend is also pregnant and due in June- I can’t even see her and literally everyone around me is either having first and most seconds and waiting for those third announcements!my sister in law had her second and I had to visit after my first failed it was honestly horrific! It’s really really difficult and you aren’t alone feeling like this! This forum has made me feel a little more normal with my feelings as I think people around me think my reactions are abnormal!

I suppose all I can say is you never know! Your first cycle might be the only one you have to have! We try to see IVF as a step closer and closer than we’ve ever gotten to before! But it’s very cruel as it does give you hope but can’t manage the joy if it works!

[Handsinthesoil in reply to Newcastle12]

Thank you for your message, good to know it’s not just me… so sorry to hear about your experiences so far with IVF, are you going to keep trying or are you taking a break for a while? Xxxxxxxxx

[Newcastle12 in reply to Handsinthesoil]

Just in the TWW but not great embryos and not feeling hopeful- we just think I’d ever be the lucky ones for our first transfer to work!! We will likely try and head into a third and final round quickly (self funded which is stressful) I just want to move on with my life as I haven’t dealt with it well! If I had chosen I always wanted two of my own and then to adopt- so adoption was always something I wanted anyway heart breaking as it is I just want to do the last round and then move to adopt! I find it easier to have plans 😂 I’m a control freak so think that’s why this process is extra hard! When are you starting?

[Handsinthesoil in reply to Newcastle12]

Also a control freak so can so relate to you on that! It for sure makes things harder to deal with!

Well all fingers and toes crossed for this round in your TWW!

Yes we’ve also talked of adoption and I always wanted to do it too I just like you thought I’d have my own first! But in life we cannot control things as much as we would like to!!!

But don’t despair yet and try and keep your mind off the waiting if you can…

Lots of love Xxxxxxxxx

[Handsinthesoil in reply to Newcastle12]

we still don’t know when we’re starting IVF! Waiting to hear back about our referral to the clinic and then we will start…

[Newcastle12 in reply to Handsinthesoil]

I hope you hear soon- I definitely felt better once I got my letter with dates etc ❤️❤️ always here if you need a chat- I know there are very few who really understand

[Boo718]

the fertility journey is sooo difficult. And it sucks. But I’ve been with my hubby for 15 years and not used anything and never fallen pregnant naturally we went down the ivf route and now have a beautiful wee one. Trust your body xxx

[Beclp]

Hey sorry your feeling down 😔 sorry I’ve not been in your position before as I started the ivf journey as my ex partner had had a vasectomy and my current on doesn’t want anymore biological children but is happy to support me to have my own. He has a 5 year old.

Anyways my question is, have you tried any lifestyle changes or supplements to help support both yourself and your partner to conceive?

Might be worth a shot before going down the IVF route which is expensive and invasive.

[PinkLuck]

I felt entirely the same! My best friend has just had her third, my sister her second, cousins, school friends, you name it. It doesn’t help that my MIL is CONSTANTLY asking when we’re giving her grandchildren (like it’s something we owe her!). I’ve known I wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember and the reality is cruel! I had to have a little shift in the way I think because it was all getting just a bit too much. IVF will be your natural children, technically conceived naturally just outside of your body for extra monitoring! I’m on stim day 8 and trying my best to remain positive for a successful retrieval next week.

Here’s to longing, wishing and this fantastic supportive platform! Wishing everyone the most luck and a big hug X

[Estherlovescats]

2 rounds of failed ivf i had and tried naturally with mira and boom pregnant at 40 for the first time when they told me with low amh that ivf was my only option. Low amh means better chances naturally. Mira gives 7 fertile days and confirms ovulation. 7 days extra useful as sperm live 5 days. Wish someone wudda told me about it. I know someone else tried for years and ivf tried mira and boom. Its expensive but not as expensive and harrowing as ivf!

[Emilye92x]

I can understand that feeling oh so well… after 6 years of trying and not a whiff of a BFP we discovered both of my fallopian tubes were blocked and that the chance of us conceiving naturally were slim to none, plus the chances of IVF working would be reduced by 50% if I didn’t get them both removed.

The decision to go ahead with the surgery was the most heartbreaking decision I’ve ever made knowing I’d never get the chance to conceive naturally, but actually after some time, not having the cruel disappointment of a negative test every month slowly eased the pain. After 2 rounds of ICSI we now have our precious baby. I’d go through it all a million times over to be where we are now!

Infertility is probably one of the worst clubs to be in but this forum is an incredible place to look for support. Best of luck in your journey xxx

[Sunflowerrain]

Hi 👋 I feel this I’m in the same boat. Just waiting to start a self funded cycle of IVF and I feel like I’m grieving. I read a good article which said this and it helped me understand why this feels so heavy. I’m coming to terms with the fact that everything that you expect - the positive test, the excitement of telling family and friends, the joy and wonder of being pregnant is going to likely be altered now with a kind of sadness and worry (when we do hopefully get there one day) because of everything it’s taken to get there and I feel a bit better for letting myself acknowledge that.

Being really honest to myself about how I’m feeling helps and when I do share it with a few people setting expectations - I know this next stage might sound exciting but it’s a long game and there’s no expectations - I’m struggling because this is really hard helps me. Also thinking of it as a kind of grief and being kind to myself around what I expect myself to do at the moment helps a tiny bit. I also think it’s really hard for people to understand what this is like so relating it to grief and all the complex emotions helps me frame it to friends.

I’ve also found a therapist who specialises in fertility and it’s by far the best investment I’ve made in myself. She reminds myself this is really hard and to give myself more kindness for all these big feelings.

[C-a-t-m-u-m]

I can totally relate I was also diagnosed with unexplained infertility 3.5 years old. I then had my little boy through ivf he’s my absolute world ❤️ it honestly doesn’t make a difference that he’s an ivf baby. When I had my emergency c section they found endometriosis in side me which is probably why I can’t conceive naturally. Had all the tests under the sun!

I’m now experiencing the sadness that I can’t give my little one a sibling 😞 after one MC and two negatives in the last year. BUT it can work I have proof he’s currently fast asleep and is a crazy 2 year old xx

[Kitkat10]

hi, I felt exactly the same. We had male factor infertility so I found it very frustrating and knew there was zero chance naturally. However I hope I can reassure you that firstly, there is still a chance naturally and also, once your baby arrives, you won’t care how they got here, I promise you that.

I 100% understand how tough this is but try and be positive. You are young, I was 39 when I started this. I just tried to see it as a process which hopefully brought me my baby and then once he was here, the resentment and frustration from all the treatment and the constant stress, just disappeared almost instantly.

Good luck xx