***SENSITIVE*** Positive and freaking out

[Yuki33]

I'm sorry for this everyone, I know this will be very sensitive got people to read but I need some advice. Oh my goodness I am FREAKING out. Please help me.

I posted on here a couple of weeks ago to say I'd taken a test after a missed period and it was negative. Well period still didnt show up and have been having such sore boobs etc. So this morning I thought, I better take another test just incase. Positive.

I feel actually sick and can't stop shaking. I've been here before 2 years ago and thought everything was rosy and it ended in a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks. All I can think is, what if somethings gone wrong, what if the test is wrong and is a false positive???? All that's been running through my mind for the last hour is how can this even be? How can a test be a big negative line one minute and positive the next??? I'm so worried about all the things I've done over the past month like exercising a lot, drinking tea, eating chocolate....

I'm petrified this ends the same way as last time after 2 years of trying again. What do I do? Do I go straight to the doctors to get them to confirm? Should they be checking progesterone levels etc? They didn't do any blood tests at all last time....

Again I'm sorry to post this. Kind of don't know where else to turn....

[neonpg]

Hey Yuki, firstly congratulations! Secondly, take some deep breaths and focus on what's happening right now. Today, you are pregnant. You've got those two lines. I'm sure as many folks here will tell you, pregnancy after loss is tough as your brain is spiralling with worries about it all going wrong. So that's to say what you're feeling is valid and common. I'm sure those people will be able to offer much better advice than me as I'm still waiting for my rainbow.

As for your lifestyle this past month, I don't think you need to worry about that. So many people every day fall pregnant while doing all those things and have positive outcomes. You haven't done anything wrong and you haven't harmed your baby. Whatever the outcome, you've done nothing wrong.

Sorry I don't have wiser words but I saw this post pop up and just wanted to offer something. Good luck!

[Yuki33 in reply to neonpg]

Thankyou so much for your message, especially since I know how tough it is when you are still hoping and praying for your rainbow baby.

You are so right, when youve lost a pregnancy before all you can think of us what could go wrong. I've sat here crying all morning, and do not feel a single bit of the sheer excitement I felt first time around when I was so naive.

Thankyou again, I will try to take your advice on board and calm down a bit.... Wishing you all the best x

[neonpg in reply to Yuki33]

That's pregnancy after loss and especially pregnancy after infertility. It robs you of that joy and certainty that you're gonna bring home a baby. And it sucks. Hope you feel better soon.

[K_LNB]

After one natural conception and pregnancy (my boy is now 3) and now this time struggling with secondary infertility, ivf etc. I can tell you I care a hell of a lot more!!! First time round even though I knew I might be pregnant I drank alcohol, exercised heavily, had caffeine, no folic acid etc etc and all was fine. This is probably true for most people. I think once you get involved in fertility treatment you are understandably hyper vigilant and because a lot of your conversations will be with women like in this forum in the same position, we probably all are versus the general population if that makes sense!

[Yuki33 in reply to K_LNB]

Yeah that absolutely makes sense - difficult not to over analyse everything when you've been through loss and infertility. I think I'm still in a state of disbelief too - like I still don't believe those two lines on the test!! X

[Eggfreezer2015]

Congrats! You asked what you should do? Definitely make an appointment and go to the doctors for a blood test. Hopefully there should be no issues, if there are you can get one done privately as hopefully this will start as a first step to help to put your mind at ease… and then perhaps look into booking a private early scan. If you are London based I can recommend places to you, DM me. Best wishes x

[Yuki33 in reply to Eggfreezer2015]

Hey, thanks for this. Unfortunately I live in Scotland where it doesn't seem to be the done thing for the NHS to give you a blood test.

Anyway, things have taken a turn for the worst. Ive been having some pains in my lower left hand side and have been advised by early pregnancy to go for a scan today, it's looking highly likely it's an ectopic. Cannot believe all this has happened in 24 hours. Feeling ill at the thought of going back to that hospital and getting a scan to tell me the worst has happened all over again... Trying to stay positive but it's very hard x

[Here4ivfinfo in reply to Yuki33]

wishing you all the luck in the world ahead of your scan. Xxxx

[Eggfreezer2015 in reply to Yuki33]

Sending you big hugs xxx

[Yuki33 in reply to Eggfreezer2015]

Thankyou both. The scan turned fine, a wee bit earlier than I thought I was but all looked ok still no mention of blood tests to check hormone levels or anything though....x

[Eggfreezer2015 in reply to Yuki33]

Just a thought here, could you ring up 111 and seek advice re blood test?

[Yuki33 in reply to Eggfreezer2015]

Maybe.... I have spoken to my GP and the early pregnancy unit and they both said the same thing - you have to have had 3 miscarriages before they will start to give you that extra bit of care and attention. Shocking....Could look into going private though. Just anything to ease this constant fear and worry!!!! X

[Eggfreezer2015 in reply to Yuki33]

I would look into going private in that case just to run bloods, perhaps give you some progesterone to help sustain pregnancy. Good luck!

[Rol81]

hope all is ok xx

[Fruitandflowers]

Congratulations! There's not really such a thing as a false positive. And also I 100% understand how you're feeling - 7mnths ago I had just recovered from a pretty traumatic IVF round and a PUL at 10 weeks and surgery, then a BFN on a FET. Waiting to try a natural FET I was asked to do 21 day bloods to check ovulation so they could start the process. Progesterone was very high and the doctor emailed me to say I might be pregnant - I was angry tbh as we'd had 10 years of TTC and never once had a positive naturally, and I thought after the last few months of disappointment and surgery etc, my chances were getting slimmer of even IVF working. So I refused to test and decided the progesterone levels were beacuse I had cancer(!). Then I got spotting/bleeding, cramps, the worst pmt ever and I was just kind of low, so assumed I was having a light but bad period (more evidence of cancer, probably combined with menopause). But I found an old urine pregnancy test and thought f*ck it, this will confirm it for the doctor and I can start chemo or whatever. Strong BFP. I was shaking, nearly sick, then the panic - wasn't on any meds (no progesterone support, no aspirin) and I'd had the booziest month with family and friends. I thought it was hopeless and I'd ruined my one and only chance. I absolutely freaked and had no idea to measure weeks against HCGs or compare lines, which had been my comfort on IVF (look at my posts around that time as a gauge of just how freaked I was). It will probably help you to have early scans and HCGs - ask your GP and if they won't, get them privately (there are online companies that do HCGs and private sonographers). Speak to your clinic and GP and get support. And don't worry about exercise - you're pregnant so it probably helped - ditto for tea and chocolate. I raise you doing shots and having large measures of spirits several weekends in a row.

My clinic consultant said natural pregnancies are usually fine as nature selected everything so it's the strongest it can be and the environment/hormones etc must have been perfect. And the placenta doesn't get going for about 8 weeks so very little's reaching the baby through blood, so not to worry about diet and booze etc. But I know what it's like after infertility and losses, and it's hard. There's not much you can do now - try to quieten the doubts and anxieties - mindfulness, yoga and exercise all help, but don't worry if you can't, just get through each day, or half a day, or hour, and be kind to yourself, no matter the outcome. Chances are it will be fine.

[Yuki33 in reply to Fruitandflowers]

Hey, thanks for you message. God that sounds absolutely horrific what you went through but you you obviously know all the crazy, panicky thoughts that are going through my head every minute of every day.

I've asked a few people now about bloods and progesterone, including my GP and early pregnancy unit. Definitely not something they do here. I'll look into private, just anything to put my mind at ease.

As you say, just trying to take each day as it comes x