What to do

[Lionkingblue]

Hello,

I have had one failed round of IVF on the NHS and feeling deflated if its worth it to carry on. I have a low AMH for my age (33) and my husband has poor morphology below 1%. We have tried for two years and done life style changes and supplements. We got 4 eggs and managed to get one blastocyst which was unsuccessful. We were told the issue could be DNA fragmentation.

We can barely afford another round and I found the last round intensely emotionally stressful. I was told we need ICSI and caremaps. Our odds are too low for a refund scheme. Its impacting everything in my daily life including my job as a primary teacher. I now have to weigh up if its worth continuing this as I worry about the emotional toll of it failing and need to feel normal again. Does anyone have any wisdom or advice ?

[CardiGrey]

Hi Lucy. I hope you’re as ok as possible in your fertility journey. So sorry to hear about your experiences. Have you heard of Access Fertility or Gaia? They offer some different plans that might be able to be suited to your financial situation. Have a look if you haven’t already.

I’m also a teacher and it’s very hard to be around children wanting your own and the pressures of teaching are a lot also. I find on my very emotional days, I want to give up everything included my job. However, through therapy, I’ve realised those feelings will follow me everywhere- it doesn’t matter what I do. My longing for a child and carrying my infertility with me will be everywhere I go. That means different things on different days. Be kind to yourself- this journey isn’t easy. Have you considered counselling? Xx

[Lionkingblue in reply to CardiGrey]

Thanks for your reply and support. Yes I love being a teacher but not the easiest job to have when facing infertility. Good to know I am not alone with it. I am going to get counciling so help me process all of this.

[soccerkt6]

Hi lovely, before you fund another round I would strongly suggest seeing a urologist who specialises in male fertility (like Dr Jonathan Ramsay) to see if you can get to the bottom of your husband’s issues. My husband also had low morphology and high DNA frag and after 3 failed rounds of IVF, we finally conceived naturally once he had a varicocele treated that was causing the morphology and frag issues. Sometimes sperm can be adversely affected by something as simple as a latent infection in the urinary tract that just requires a course of antibiotics. In any case though, a good urologist can look into all these possibilities and recommend a way forward.

Good luck xxx

[Lionkingblue in reply to soccerkt6]

Thank you, this is something I have read about and wondered. Do we just contact our gp to be referred to a urologist?

[soccerkt6 in reply to Lionkingblue]

I would go private with Dr Ramsay if you can. Most urologists don’t specialise in fertility and tend to just dispense the standard advice about lifestyle changes etc etc to improve sperm quality. They might be able to refer your husband for an ultrasound to check for varicoceles, but the nhs doesn’t cover any of the more specialised testing that Dr R does.

[Lionkingblue in reply to soccerkt6]

Ok can I ask how much it was roughly?

[soccerkt6 in reply to Lionkingblue]

We saw him in 2021 and it was £280 for the consult (he spent LOADS of time talking with us though) and then another £400-500 for infection testing and an ultrasound.

It wasn’t cheap but was totally worth it to figure out what my husband needed to do to improve our chances. And so much cheaper than just throwing the dice with another IVF cycle. xx

[Lenley81]

I don’t really have any advice but just wanted to say I’m in the same boat. I’m also a primary school teacher although I’m older than you (42). We had our one NHS round back in July. We then used part of my future inheritance for a second round just before Christmas. We now have to decide what to do next. Can’t really afford to pay again but feel like we shouldn’t give up yet. I’m currently looking into all the options available.

I actually find being at school the best place to be. While I’m at work, I don’t get the chance to think about everything that’s going on. I almost forget about all our fertility woes, friends & family being pregnant & everything else that comes with it. The second I leave school, all the thoughts come back.

It’s a really tough game we are all playing.

[Lionkingblue in reply to Lenley81]

I am sorry to hear you are in the same boat. I agree work can be an escape but it reminds me on what I don't have and it makes me feel resentful. All the women I work with have young children and I am the only one without. I have watched them all one by one get pregnant and it makes me resentful. Which I dont want to feel! I wonder if I would feel better emotionally if I was in a child free environment or not! I adore being a teacher and it brings many positives. It is such a hard decision to make on when to stop trying and if you can accept and cope being child free long term. The thought of it is so painful. The cost side of things makes it really difficult. I really hope you find a way through it ❤️

[Aquaaddict]

By no means is this an easy decision to make but have you considered a donor rather than giving up? We had to use a sperm donor in the end as my husband was found to have a missing chromosome from his DNA.

We now have a 6 year old that was from our second fresh cycle and are trying at the moment for a sibling.

The whole journey is so hard but don’t give up after the first go. You’ll find a way x