Low AMH downhearted 4th round

[Deltasunshine]

Hi, I have had 3 rounds of IVF in the past 20months and am now 35yrs of age. One resulted in a missed miscarriage at 7weeks and the other two I had nothing to transfer as we have also undergone genetic testing due to an issue on my side. We've been very fortunate in that these cycles were NHS funded due to my genetic condition but we are now having to self fund. My husband and I are aware of the genetic risks and are so desperate at this point that we are self funding a non genetic tested round with icsi due to issues on husband's side. I had my AMH tested again before Christmas and found out yesterday I have a count of 5.1 when it was 13 two years ago. Our consultant basically implied we had 20% chance of IVF being a success and to maybe consider donor eggs at some point. I guess I'm just overwhelmed, the goal posts seem to keep moving further and further away and where I thought removing genetic testing would increase our chances I feel that that isn't the case now. Consultant mentioned trying to remove as much stress but don't know how with all of this journey being so awful and trying to balance career as a secondary English KS4 coordinator teacher. I'm considering whether being signed off or going part time in September would help but feel I throw myself into work to fill the void of not having a baby. Everyone is bringing babies into work (largely female body of staff where I work) or announcing pregnancies which is so heart wrenching and husband's cousin announced her 2nd pregnancy earlier this week.

How much longer does the unfairness have to be? Sorry for the splurge of emotion.

Does anyone have advice on whether reducing work hours has helped them? I also have mixed feelings about donor eggs - selfishly I don't think I'm at the point of accepting this yet despite my desperation to hold my own baby with all the love I have stored inside.

I knew the IVF journey would be difficult but feel like I'm running out of hope, time, energy and can't stand more heartbreak and disappointment 😥

[Kiara89]

I am just starting ivf, I'm 34 myself, my frozen embryos have lower quality, it seems.I totally understand you feeling disheartened, but truly you have to be hopeful, and try to stay positive.

About the stress level. I'm thinking about taking some days off of work myself. Cuz I too have a stressful work. So if u feel this would help u I encourage u to try it.

Good luck

[Foxglove_daffodil]

I just wanted to say that you’re not alone in finding this IVF journey really difficult and painful. Like you, I knew it would be hard but I didn’t anticipate just how hard it would actually be. I work a four day week and find that really helps just in being able to have more time to myself to feel like I have the space and energy for the IVF but also life in general. All the other stuff we have to deal with doesn’t just stop and that’s where I’ve found my energy depleted even more. The other thing that has really helped me is having therapy. Have you asked your hospital for counselling? I’ve found it so good not only for the emotional side but also practical. Also, it’s not selfish however you feel about the choices you make on your journey. They have to be right for you. Sending you love and strength xx

[Tarasunny]

I'm sorry you are going through a tough time. I'm 39 with low AMH (2.8 about a year before my last egg collection so probably lower). Prior to this I had 3 full rounds with my first clinic and got 1 embryo the first 2 rounds each ended in miscarriage and 0 eggs in my 3rd round. They recommended donor eggs which I seriously considered but ended up moving clinics for various reasons and had 2 more rounds with own eggs. The second one at 39.5 resulted in a BFP and I'm 28 weeks with twins currently. Please keep up the hope it can happen but equally donor eggs is a valid option too it would've been my next step if that cycle failed.

[Justme7978]

Dear Deltasunshine,

After 3 unsuccessful rounds I have also decided to reduce my workload. My family is very supportive and agreeing with me that with all the difficulties I cannot put work stress on top of it. Now I’m doing a stimulation in another country, where I think conditions and practice is better (by the way I’m not living in the UK). I wouldn’t be able to do that if I would keep working full time. I feel it was a good decision. It’s a short break anyway.

Just wanted to share my point. I wish you all the best. “Miracles” happen every day. We are just waiting for our turn.

All the best.

[Skittles11]

This all resonates with me. Life feels very cruel at times when you are trying your very best to have a baby and keep getting knock backs. It is especially difficult when other people appear to get pregnant at the drop of hat, most are unable to relate to the absolute trauma and despair because they haven't been through it (thank goodness for them)...but that also makes it feel like we are very alone. In relation to working hours, I would say yes - reducing working hours if you're able to is bound to help especially if you have a stressful job. But like you say it's a balancing act because for some people work is a welcome distraction!

With donor eggs, feeling 'comfortable' with it is a journey / process to go through and I don't think it's something that can be rushed. And I think also you get a feeling when it is time to consider it more seriously. For you it sounds like now is not that time x x