I’ve not posted before but I love reading yours and all the wonderful advise and thought after stressing about this all day this would be the perfect place for advice.
It’s been a long journey for us and after a successful collection we have 4 good eggs ready for frozen transfer which we start tomorrow.
The dilemma I have is I’m so desperately unhappy at work - have a few interviews going on and I have really mixed emotions about whether I should go ahead with them or not; what if the transfer doesn’t work, what if it does and I end up starting a new role 8 weeks pregnant!
I'm hoping you’ll share your thoughts and experiences if you’ve been in a similar situation.
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PicklePar
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I was in exactly the same situation as you. I was unhappy at work and listened to other people when they told me that money and financial stability was the most important thing.
The result was I stayed but had to take some time off for mental health reasons. There is nothing worse than staying in a role you’re unhappy with.
My advice to you is listen to your own voice, your gut instinct, and trust it. I remain in that role almost 3 years later, currently pregnant but hating that aspect of my life. I remain thankful for the fact that I am pregnant today but the toll it took was immense.
Obviously we all need to weigh up our financial situation against happiness but if you have a chance to move somewhere that will make you happier, I would take it. Xx
Hi @PicklePar I was in a similar situation in 2019. On a whim I went to an interview and just had that gut feeling that I should go for it. The mat leave policy meant I couldnt move while pregnant without sacrificing mat pay, so that meant a 4 month delay for us. (3 months notice and one month in new role). We spoke about it and I decided I wanted to move but also wanted 6 months to settle into the role without IVF and pregnancy on my mind. I decided if I fell pregnant naturally immediately after that I'd just have to explain the position. We took a break of around 9 months from trying while I moved jobs. That fell over covid when we wouldn't have been able to start IVF anyway, so was 100% the right decision for us. I'm now in a great job, great team and my boss now knows about our IVF and is a complete support. Night and day from where I was before. IVF is the most important thing you will do in life but it is still your life and you have to keep living it and be happy. If I was to do it again I think I might prefer to disclose to my new employer before moving. The way I see it having now disclosed is that if they are not willing to support me through mat leave and IVF struggles, it isn't a place that is worth giving my time to x
Hi- my advice would be to do the interviews and let your career do what it would do either way, don’t put that on hold as it could work first time or it could be a wee while yet and the last thing you want is to be miserable in your job at the same time. The only caveat I would have is if the interviews are in another organisation and it would affect any maternity leave or protections you may have as some places you need to work there for a certain length of time to be eligible for maternity pay (it usually works out okay unless that you are already a couple of months pregnant when you start the role but some can be a little longer to be eligible) defo still go ahead with the interviews though and then if a role opportunity presents itself as an offer of employment you can make the decision then based on what the role is and how your treatment is going and whether the mat leave thing is a factor xx
From personal experience, I stayed in a job I wasn't enjoying because we were trying filor a baby and it had good maternity benefits and I didn't want to change jobs then get pregnant straightaway....and here I am two jobs later and still no baby! I was made redundant from that job in the end when they found out I was about to start the ivf - not a nice place as it turns out.
My new job is amazing and my manager is so supportive of my ivf treatment and allows me to work really flexibly. It's taken away so much stress and I enjoy the job and the culture of the company and I work with lovely people. I've changed jobs twice now and both times I went straight into a treatment cycle, and I've been so lucky that both jobs were understanding and supportive about it.
In a nutshell, I don't think you should put your life on hold. It's more important to be happy. Hopefully your transfer will work and you'll be in a job you love and pregnant too 🥰
The main thing is to trust your instincts in the interviews - don't take the job if you don't feel comfortable with the person who will be managing you/the company values and culture. If you're still not sure and you get offered a role, ask your new line manager if you can meet for a coffee before you accept, to get to know them a bit better and talk more informally about the company culture etc. I appreciate you won't want to tell them about your treatment, but hopefully you'll either get a good vibe or not about what it'll really be like to work there.
Hi PicklePar, my advice is similar to those who have already posted, I would encourage you not to put your life on hold and go for what you want. I was in a similar position before my egg retrieval and I agonised over going for a job I really wanted. In the end, I went for it and ended up getting the position and I’m so glad I did. I ended up having to wait and do a frozen transfer which failed and I was in the job 9 months before our second FET was successful. If I’ve learned anything it is that IVF is so unpredictable and you really don’t know what’s around the corner. Stress can also have an impact on success and if your job is contributing to this then it is worth looking elsewhere. Wishing you all the best in your decision. ❤️ xx
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