BFN and Relationship Problems

[Apricottree]

Wondering how many people have found having ivf has caused a huge strain on their relationship? It makes me feel so guilty and worthless and like my partner must wish he was with anybody else. We're at the point of not speaking to each other after a BFN last week and then a drunken argument which feels horrendous and ridiculous. If we can't support each other now then really what is the point. Guess Im wondering if this is normal or not?

[Lamagarden]

It is really challenging and stressful for couples, go easy on yourselves. We’ve been on the journal for several years now and it’s been hard and continues to be hard, we have ups where we are great at supporting each other but then times when we have bad patches or moments. We are both trying to cope with an incredibly tough situation and it’s natural that sometimes it’s gets the better of us. Best of luck x

[PeppyMiller]

Hi Apricottree,

I'm sorry you and your partner are going through this, but I would say it's more than normal as you're going through one of the most stressful times a couple can go through, and unfortunately no one knows how they are going to react or deal with strong emotions until you have to do it. Have you done or considered counseling? It might help you as an individual and both as a couple to talk to someone and hopefully find a way to support each other.

Wishing you the best of luck on this journey and with your partner x

[Christianbaby]

Hi! I had the same issues with my husband while going through our IVF journey. Guess it's sort of normal for most couples. At the end of the day, what's important is knowing that you both are still there to support each other. Sending you love and light. All the best. xx

[CarlottaD27]

Hi. You’re not alone! This is one of the biggest challenges you will face as a couple. One of my biggest struggles is feeling like my husband is not on the same page as he responds very differently than me to things (a lot less emotional!) so it can be easy to feel like we’re not on the same page. I think you said it well when you said couples are just trying to cope on their own ways. They may not be the same but that doesn’t mean you don’t still both love each other and want the same end result x sending a hug as I know it can feel lonely when you don’t feel on the same page as the one person you really want to

[Wishinandahopin]

I’m so sorry to hear this. I strongly recommend couple’s counselling. We started couples therapy as soon as we started IVF just to help us get through it all and it’s been a lifesaver for our relationship. IVF and infertility is one of the hardest things a couple can go through.

I’ve also separately had therapy and coaching myself which has also helped me massively.

I think most clinics offer a free counselling session per cycle so ask your clinic (if you are in the UK I think it is the law).

Hope things get better for you xxx

[Kismet_x]

Oh it happens alot, your not alone. For me when I did Ivf my belief was if it fails I tried and if it worked it was a bonus. Me and my husband agreed on how many treatments we would do.

Reality is sometimes ivf doesn't work and it puts pressure when that happens.

I believe you can a have a great life with or without kids.

You both have to be willing to agree on the next step, whether that be to carry on with fertility treatment or stop.

If you can't agree then you have to see what's more important to you.

I got asked what's the best advice you give to someone doing ivf, I said if possible don't put your heart into because then you can't get heartbroken and can make level headed decisions.

I wish you all the best and hope it works out for you x

[Rella22]

You are definitely not alone. He is also processing it his own way. In the beginning it truly tested our relationship but overtime we learned to adapt, make individual changes, listen to each other, let each other vent, gave each other space and always gave opportunity to revisit the situation once the initial emotions were out of the way.

This entire journey is super difficult. Like others recommended I would recommend couples counselling and go from there.

It is hard for both partners and emotions are bound to run wild. Be kind yourselves. Wishing you both all the best