Afternoon all,
Did you tell anyone at work that you're undergoing an IVF treatment? I don't really want anyone to know but I think it may look suspicious that I keep telling my manger that I need to go to another "hospital appointment". And at the egg collection stage when I need to be off work for two days, do I need to book them as holiday and rather sick days? Thank you.
Hello lovely,
You absolutely don't need to tell your manager what you are out for.
You can tell them you are undergoing some medical treatment and you'll need some time out for appointments. If you give them enough warning they should be ok with it.
x
Hi, I told my employer and they have been nothing but supportive, allowing paid appointment time and holiday days at short notice if wanted/needed. I guess it depends on your role and how much flexibility you have over your own sheduale that really makes the difference. Also somethings are out of your control and not easy to explain if they don't know what's going on.
Just to give you an example - I'm currently going through a FET - Friday I had a scan at 11, had to leave work at 10, the clinic was running 30mins late so I didn't get out till 12 and had to drop a prescription in at the chemist on was home, got logged back into work laptop at 1.15 and then needed to be available for a call from 3-4 so was put on additional activities.
Today I had an appointment at 9.30, so didn't log into work at at all, for back from appointment at 11 and will be due a call from 4 so again will be given different duties.
I took day of EC as planned medical and day after as sickness and my employer was fine with it
Hope you find what works for you
Hi!
Have you checked if your work has a policy around fertility treatment?
I was honest with mine, just felt it was easier than making excuses. I only told my manager who was very supportive and said she wouldn’t tell anyone so not many people need to know.
I’ve been able to go to appointments and have some time off for collection and logged it as a sick / medical day.
You have to do what’s best for you and put yourself first so do what feels right for you ♥️
Good luck! Xx
Hi, thank you for you reply. I've checked our employee handbook and there's nothing there on fertility treatment, only pregnancy. I wouldn't want to check with our HR as they're very chatty. I know they should keep these things confidential, but no offense to them, I'd prefer to be cautious :).
Hi 🙂
I would check your fertility policy at work and see what that says and if you have a union at work I would also ask them for advice.
I personally told a close work friend at the very start as I had a few wobbles and it was nice to have someone to speak to or knew when I was feeling a little lost.
I didnt officially tell managment until I started injecting however they was lovely and helped me work my appointments around shifts I worked. I felt it also took a bit of stress away that wasn’t needed at that time.
Good luck with your journey 🤍
It’s a completely personal choice but I regretted telling my boss in an old job. They treated me differently after I told them and I ended up leaving the role. They didn’t do anything overt that I could complain about but they were underhand. In my new role, I’ve decided not to disclose as I don’t want to have the same problem. I just say ‘medical/Hospital’ appointment or ‘medical procedure’ and ‘recovery time’. We are not legally bound to disclose medical information. I’ve always taken it as sick leave. Another reason I don’t want to disclose is because I don’t want to discuss it with my boss/manager/HR. Best of luck whatever you decide x
Thank you!
Hi lovely! Firstly good luck hope you're doing okay 💕 It's totally up to you don't feel as though you 'have' too! I think it depends on your relationship with your manager. I personally told my manager before we started any treatment and we went through the fertility policy together which made it super helpful in regards to what my entitlement was for appointments. I was also open with my team and received lots of support from them which made the whole journey soooo much easier. Good luck with whatever you choose to do! X
I think it depends on your relationship with your manager and what they are like. I was very lucky to have an amazing manager who was really understanding and kind, her son and daughter in law also underwent ivf so she had a good understanding of the process luckily. But aside from that, she’s a wonderful person and I get on with her well, so I felt comfortable talking to her. So I think it’s a case of using your judgment. Again with time off etc I was able to take any time off for appointments, however egg collection I took a days annual leave as didn’t want to take the mickey as they’d already been so good with the rest of it. Hope it all works well for you! X
I didn’t say anything to anyone, in y office the gossips are around. I took 2 days as holiday the first time (negative result ) and the second time I said I was sick
I have a good relationship with my manager and he has two little kids, so I figured he'd understand my situation. He absolutely did and was very supportive moving my days around the appointments (I'm part-time) during my first ivf cycle. I also told him when I miscarried because it was very important few days at work when I had to be in the office and he covered for me. Im strarting a new cycle soon and will obviously need more time off. No idea how else I'd be able to explain so many appointments throughout a year (or longer, who knows). I hope whatever you decide to do works out for you!
Hi, this is personal choice, you do not have to disclose medical records at work. I didn't tell anyone , I only booked a day off (annual leave) for the egg collection, luckily it was scheduled for a Friday so I had the weekend to recover. I only mentioned it was a minor procedure and gave no details even when people asked. Then for transfer I was lucky again and was put on a very late appointment so I just asked to finish work slightly earlier that day. I worked as normal afterwards. As for the appointments, I tried to have them very early in the mornings. I guess it depends on the flexibility you get in your role, but don't feel pressure to tell anything. If you feel you need to be signed off because of stress etc. you do have the option to get a note from your GP, but I don't think they'd need to disclose details. I think doctor note is only needed above 7 days absence or something like that.
I read somewhere one of the advantages of telling work (I assume this is HR rather than line manager) is that you're protected by pregnancy policy (if they don't have fertility policy).
All the best of luck for your journey, i hope everything goes well for you xx
I started a new job and didn’t tell them on my first transfer. I went to Spain! But I did tell them afterwards and they knew for each time after that. They have been great. Short notice time off allowed. But I have an office/wfh based job. I can work flexibly around appointments.
The thing to bear in mind is you do, I believe, get the same rights as if you were pregnant from the transfer date, and if unsuccessful for two weeks after the testing date. What that actually gives you in real terms I’m not sure. Sickness I think cannot count towards any disciplinary policy (I.e 10 days off sick triggers a meeting type thing or in my old firm stage 1 in an absence improvement process) if it is pregnancy related. So that is a practical reason for telling HR (not sure you are covered retetospectively if you don’t tell them though) but somewhere like Tommys could probably help with that.
I think it’s inevitable people will try to shield you from stress, especially if you have had an initial success and then a miscarriage as in my case, maybe not give you extra or new work. However they can’t discriminate and you can always talk to them if you think they are being too protective.
I’ve found people of all ages at work very comfortable with the ivf, even the double donor part and it’s amazing how many people have been through ivf or have a friend or relative who has.
It’s only when you start talking about it you find that out. I’m all for making this a less taboo and more comfortable topic for all to be talked about openly. I do appreciate though that it is not for everyone.
It’s got to be what you are comfortable with. I’m very good at putting practical first and my emotions second. Which is not actually always a good thing!
Depends on your workplace. I didn't tell a soul because women having babies was a problem for them (they were horrendous during my mat leave and I had to leave on return). I booked as many appointments as early as possible so I could go before work and then for egg collection and transfer I had them as holidays.
Hi!
I told mine why I was off but didn’t necessarily go into specifics.
I am teacher and my headteacher was extremely supportive - we had to isolate when I was undergoing the first two rounds of treatment and it was all paid leave, no questions asked.
Definitely check your employer’s policies - if you have to keep taking hospital appointments, then do it. I think it’s really unfair if you have to take it as holiday but I guess it depends how you feel talking to your line manager.
Hope it all goes okay x
I told my manager and it was the best decision - so much support. We haven't told many friends or family so he has almost been a source of support personally as well as professionally. I would have found it really difficult without him knowing as I had last minute changes in timing so really hard to plan in advance. It really depends though on your situation. I was terrified of telling him and thought I might be treated differently/discriminated against, even though my employer has a decent 5 days paid leave for IVF policy. Thankfully that wasn't the case as I do enjoy my role... Hope if you decide to tell you have a similar reaction 
It really is a personal choice. You don't have to disclose anything other than it is for medical appointments. However I told my manager and he has been nothing but supportive through my 2 rounds and everything that has come with it so far.
Sometimes it is nice that they know the situation so will give you a bit of a break or understand if your work suffers a bit. Especially when near EC you really don't know what day or time it is going to be etc. But it really does depend on how you think your management would react to it. Good luck!
I would echo that probably depends on your job. I have a patient facing role in health service so would be impossible without disclosing as cannot just take time out at short notice or WFH, and some of my cycles have meant appointments at quite short notice. I’ve taken a mix of annual leave and sick leave. I’ve not wanted to use all annual leave as with a long journey and multiple failed attempts it’s tiring enough without never having a proper break.
Also something to bear in mind is that you do have protection from point of embryo transfer if manager knows, as you have to be considered as pregnant, and for 2 weeks after negative pregnancy test as well if doesn’t work out. So if you did have absences they, like any pregnancy related sick leave, would not count towards any triggers for absences. acas.org.uk/your-maternity-...
hi I chose to tell my employer they don’t have an ivf policy some places do. But they treated my health appointments like medical ones you can take time off etc and still got paid for It. To help you I had various cycles and runs from near Birmingham to London almost daily via train so would go first thing attend my appointment and then come back to work for 12/1pm. Worked fine. You aren’t obliged to share. Xx
At my workplace they have a fertility policy which my manager told me about which meant I could take time off at short notice and for the treatment I could be off for a couple of days and when it didn't work out I could take time off and it didn't count as sick or holiday allowance.. It's worth finding out x
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