Bad News after scan no fetal pole

[Dragon80]

unfortunately yesterday I had my viable scan, I should have been 7 weeks & 3 days but fetus is measuring a week behind & no fetal pole.

I was referred to the EPU having another scan next week, clinic has said to carrying on taking the drugs but feel like its not really worth it.

I’m waiting for the impending miscarriage, which I hope starts sooner as I don't want to wait till next week after the next scan, second one after chemical pregnancy in May. Age has been against me starting my IVF journey at 42

I’ve got to the end of the road both emotionally & financially, I’ve got no more frozen embryos. I’m not after sympathy. Thanks x

[Hidden]

I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through, it sounds incredibly difficult. I have found seeing an infertility counsellor helpful if that is something that might help.

[Dragon80 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks, yes it’s not been easy but yes thinking about counsellor as may help me

[Kmcdon]

I just wanted to say I've been there and totally understand. It's horrible to have to take medication when it feels pointless. I'm thinking of you.

[Dragon80 in reply to Kmcdon]

Thanks for your kind .Sorry to hear this, yes it’s horrible place to be. I’m hoping by next week after the scan the miscarriage will happen

[Jess1981]

I'm really sorry for your losses. We lost a pregnancy a 20 weeks after having our eldest daughter ( who took 7 years to conceive ) then had a chemical pregnancy and 7 week loss PUL before having our youngest daughter. I was 40 having my youngest. Lots of women over 40 have successful pregnancies. Really sorry for what you are going through I hope you have plenty of support . Xx

[Dragon80 in reply to Jess1981]

Thanks for your king words, I'm not having the best time but just need to get over the next few weeks. IVF was a last resort so getting pregnant naturally is probably not a option now especially I'm 43 & won't be trying IVF. again. Financially we can't afford more rounds, it will be hard road but being a mum is not going to happen for me xx

[Hidden in reply to Dragon80]

Sorry to jump into this part of the thread but I just wanted to say I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough time. Maybe right now isn’t the time to think about it, but you can make a family in so many ways. If you ever wanted to consider adoption I’d recommend a book called Instant Mom by Nia Vardalos (Lead actress in My Big Fat Greek Wedding). It’s a great read and I found it comforting while I was considering my choices of adoption and donor eggs.

Sending you a big hug

Xx

[Lamagarden]

I’m so sorry, it’s so awful. It’s so difficult for us over 40, don’t give up. Sending love and hugs xxx

[Dragon80 in reply to Lamagarden]

Thanks for your kind words, yes definitely been a rollcaster xx

[CornflowerMoon]

Thinking of you x

[Dragon80 in reply to CornflowerMoon]

thanks x

[Hidden]

oh I’m very sorry to hear this news Dragon80

I’ve also had a miscarriage recently and it’s really one of the most awful events to go through.

Thinking of you during this terribly difficult time x

[Dragon80 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your kind words, hope you are doing okay?

Yes I'm not having a great time at the moment, never thought IVF would be such an emotional rollcaster.

I'll feel better once next week is over & I'm not just waiting as don't think anything will change with the embryo.

[Fruitandflowers]

Really sorry to hear this. I've been there recently and the waiting and continuing with medication is just awful when you know deep down it's not going to happen. I hope when and if it's confirmed it can at least be over quite quickly but if you start to feel unwell, get pains or a temperature, go to your doctor and push the EPU. You sound understably resigned to not going again but if it helps at all, it's not just age - I've been doing this in one form or other since my early 30s and had losses, PUL, BFNs... and only had success in my late 30s and hopefully another will come in my 40s. But it is a big factor and right now you just need to grieve and concentrate on your health x

[Dragon80 in reply to Fruitandflowers]

Thanks for your encouraging words but really don't think I want to put myself or my partner in this situation again. With it happening twice now, I seem to get pregnant but the embryo doesn't want to stay 😥

Yes I'll connect EPU if anything worse happens, I'm hoping will be start this week but think I will need EPU help as the drugs I'm taking are letting this happen. I need to the give the embryo another week x

[Crie1983]

I’m so sorry for your loss and what you are going through. Life really can be unfair. Sending lots of love and strength at this sad time. Xx

[Dragon80 in reply to Crie1983]

Thanks for your message, yeah it's not fair but I'm hoping to get the next few weeks out the way heal & try to over the last six months. I was so near but I need to move forward as I can't look back & regret the journey xx

[LouCollier]

So sorry you are going through this. its horrible.

Hope you are managing to take the time to grieve not only the miscarriage but also if you have decided that it time to draw a line in the sand to grieve the life you had planned for yourself. it is a very difficult decision.

sending you a big hug xx

[Dragon80 in reply to LouCollier]

Thanks for your lovely message, of course I will need time to grieve for the losses after next week as still in limbo but definitely a silent miscarriage. My partner & myself made the decision before the FET that if this didn't work out then we would stop as financially we've spent a lot & emotionally it's such a hard journey. I think after reading a lot from here I need to have a lot more tests which adds up. It's a hard decison to make but we'll try hard to get thorough this I'm hoping I will xx

[Weegran20]

Sad news ♥️sending love … could you consider donor egg ? My daughter got twins from donor 💕

[Dragon80 in reply to Weegran20]

Thanks for your kind words, that's brilliant 😊.No not at this stage as we can't financially afford anymore IVF. I gave it a shot as I meet my partner later in life but hasn't worked for us. I'm glad we got the chance to try but I need to try & move forward. I'm not going to be a Mum which I can of knew anyway xx

[Weegran20 in reply to Dragon80]

I am now supporting my youngest daughter who is starting IVF in the next couple of weeks and she is doing the same . Trying and if it doesn’t work they will move on . Well there are other things in life that will make your life full .Enjoy them and best wishes . ♥️

[Hopewhite]

I'm really sorry that you're going through this, I know how hard it is, i hope you have good support around you. Allow yourself some time to recover and be kind to yourself, hopefully you'll bounce back from it at your own time. Once you have recover you'll be able to think clearer on next steps, don't put any pressure on yourself right now. I know you won't feel like it but try to do nice things with your loved ones to pamper yourself and take your mind off it.

We had a MMC recently, no heartbeat at viability scan close to 8 weeks, after hematoma and heartbeat found on early scan at 6 weeks. I was given the choice to keep taking the progesterone until confirmation scan by EPU which luckily was on the next day, and I did that just clinging to the last bit of hope that it was all a mistake. Maybe it would be good to ring EPU again in case the have any cancellations?

I send you a big hug and wish you all the best

[Dragon80 in reply to Hopewhite]

Thanks for your lovely reply, I'm sorry to hear back your MMC. Hope your doing okay?

Yes plenty of support, my appointment is Tuesday first thing which is not too long plus I'm away at the weekend which will hopefully keep my mind off it, if you can.

Once next weeks comes & it's over, I'll try to forward the best I can in this situation x

[AJKP]

Sorry to hear you are going through this, I'm 42, ive had 3 miscarriages and feeling like it gets emotionally harder each time. Take time to look after yourself, cry when you need to, take time off work if it helps, have some pamper sessions. Sending hugs to you 😊

[Dragon80 in reply to AJKP]

Thanks for your kind words, I'm sorry to hear you've been in same situation. Hope you're doing okay?

Yeah I've cried plenty since Tuesday, plenty more tears to come 😥 xx

[Jumpppy]

This is likely a totally unhelpful reply...given your age you had relatively good results (multiple blasts + multiple implantations). At 42 that's actually a good sign, even though it hasn't worked out with IVF. Be proud of your body - it did well 😀 In IVF and fertility world you've done really well and responded well. If the only reason you went for IVF was female age (e.g. not Male Factor) it may be worth continuing "naturally" as you may still have a year or 2 with a shot - not an amazing shot, but potentialnonetheless. Of course this assumes it is psychologically safe to keep trying and you can "try" without it being all consuming.(Also you may want to get the tissue tested to confirm if it was chromosomal or unknown)

Take care and be good to yourself. You've been through a lot and need to heal.

Good luck!