considering donor

[Purplehedgehog87]

We have had 3 failed ivf cycles with only 2 transferrable embryos from over 20 fertilised and dividing embryos. We have severe MFI, PCOS, Endo and I also have ME. We know that it is very likely we will need a sperm donor and my eggs haven't been the best quality although I do feel I was stimmed quick and hard with high doses for only 10-12 days-my normal follicular phase until i ovulate is at least 20 days. It was just a one approach fits all with the NHS.

I am at the point where the effects of the drugs, failures and emotional and physical toll on my underlying conditions is just getting very hard now, as is the 4 years of ttc and working on a baby unit. It's becoming harder and harder to keep powering through.

There are things that have been suggested could help with my egg quality such as PRP (injecting platelets into ovaries), different drugs and gentler protocol, growth hormone for example.

some days I think let's have one more go so I don't regret not doing it but then I think of not having an unlimited budget and why torture myself if donor is going to give us a better chance? how do I know what I will and won't regret if I get our baby on our arms?

I can't understand why when there is an easier way with more chance of success and my underlying health being better with less drugs and interventions my brain is not just jumping for it.

all the people who say it won't make a difference if it's donor or not all have biological children but are thinking purely logically; but I do see that

anyone faced this scenario or is going through it right now? have chatted with fertility counsellor about this before but upshot is it has to be our choice, just hoping others in this can shed light on how they found it/are navigating this

[CXCYCZ]

Hi

I had low amh, only ever got 4 eggs through to embryo (over 3 attempts) and all transfers of the 3 day embryos failed. I decided to move to donor eggs (also using donor sperm as I’m single so no genetic connection to the embryo at all).

I could have carried on using my own eggs and it might have worked eventually but at what emotional, physical and financial cost. It was eating money and I’m older so don’t have years to keep trying. ( there is also a limit to how often you can remortgage to release funds!)

I went abroad - had 4th transfer recently, only one egg collection as there were 8 good embryos so 1 fresh and 6 attempts at frozen (the last would be a double), hoping this one sticks, so far so good but it’s still early.

It’s been cheaper. It’s much less stress on my body, I’m not sure I could go back to using my own eggs now, just the thought of it with so little to show brings me down. I also think mentally I’m stronger doing it this way. I’d had a few issues with MH in the past and it dipped a lot in the year I was going through own egg ivf.

Personally I’m ok with not being genetically linked. I will be the child’s mother regardless. I think of it like an adoption but you get to grow it, carry it and nurture it from the very beginning.

It is a personal choice. I don’t regret mine.

[Asha82 in reply to CXCYCZ]

Hi! I'm so sorry you are going through this, it's a very difficult choice you will have to make, I don't know if I could personally do it myself but some people can and some people can't, but it's definitely true you could think of it as adoption but you get to grow the baby carry it and give birth to the baby, my fiancee and I thought about it and decided it wasn't for us, I wish you all the best and I hope you get your rainbow baby xx

[User20]

hi Purplehedgehog,

It’s such a tough decision and I’m sorry you have to go through this!!

My daughter is a donor egg baby. She is 7 months and I could not love her any more! Yes, she might not have my genetics , but I am her mum- no doubt about it! I’ve grown her, nurtured her for 9 months in my tummy. I am a strong believer in epigenetics. She might not look like me (she totally looks like my husband) but she definitely has taken on some of my personality.

It’s a personal decision - we chose to do it because the chances of pregnancy with my own eggs was slim to zero and funds would have not allowed us to carry on… saying this, it took us 4 attempts with donor egg FET before we got pregnant- it’s not a guarantee of success unfortunately.

Would I do it again - ABSOLUTELY

I wish you all the best which ever way you decide to go!!

[Purplehedgehog87 in reply to User20]

Thanks, we are likely to need donor sperm to start with too and with there still being things they can do, feel I was mismanaged in nhs . If it was outright clear that my eggs were no go would be easier I think

[Blulife]

Hi there, it’s a hard decision to make but you will know it when it’s time for you to move to donor eggs.

I had 4 IVF cycles and only one euploid embryo which didn’t implant.

Due to my age, we’ve decided to go for donor eggs. It’s still a hard journey and there is no guarantee to have a successful pregnancy.

I’ve had one failed transfer with donor eggs and currently in my tww.

I’m sure I will love the baby if it works no matter genetically related or not.

Wish you all the best in making a decision that works for you.

[ChloeDE]

Hi

We did 2x rounds of own egg IVF with the NHS. We didn't think we had any fertility issues and were doing it for PGD testing. Over the two rounds, we had around 20 eggs fertilise but none make it to blastocyst.

We then had a choice to pay for more own egg rounds or go straight to donor. For us, even if we got a couple of blastocysts, there was a 50% chance of them carrying my cancer gene. More than financially, emotionally we didn't want to continue with the disappointment. And, as you say, all the fertility drugs make it all feel much worse.

We went to Czech Republic for DE treatment and now have two year old twins thanks to our donor. They are our absolute world (I am tearing up just writing this). I would not change a single thing about them.

My inbox is open if you want to chat. X

[Purplehedgehog87 in reply to ChloeDE]

Thank you, I may message you at some point x

[BabyBearx]

Hi 👋

So sorry to hear what you’ve going through.

We have just started our first cycle of IVF using donor sperm. It’s been a tough couple of years for us, but we are feeling positive. We look at it as a gift, that without, we wouldn’t be able to have our little family. Of course, we still have days where we get upset, but this is our way forward and we’re excited xx

[Weegran20]

My daughter had a donor egg after failed attempts due to early menopause. She now has 15 year old twins after 2grade A eggs . Good luck ☘️