It's been such a deflating week. We transferred our only PGTA tested embryo last week and it has failed to implant.
We honestly worked so hard to maximise our chances and have spent so much money.
It's even more frustrating because of the time we spent which now feels totally wasted.
We spent a year embryo banking over 2022 and only got one from across that time. We then spent months this year doing tests such as ERA, EMMA and ALICE, hycosy, SIS scan and immune testing.
I had immune treatment this time including IVIG and steroids for this transfer due to NK cells and high cytokines.
This is our fourth transfer. Our third one did implant in 2021 but had to be terminated as the baby was not going to survive.
I feel like all I have had in this last 4 years is pain and sadness. Which only people on here understand.
I knew it had failed all week because I felt like I did on my other failed cycles. But you continue to have that teeny bit of hope. We have one embryo left but it is not rated well and to be honest I am at end of my tether.
I need to make the move to donor now and will start the ball rolling. Thanks to anyone who has so far provided much needed support and advice on this. If anyone else has helpful words I am always grateful.
I just want a healthy living child.
Thank you all for listening and support xx
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Skittles11
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I am so sorry, Skittles. Even though I understand the sadness, frustration, anger, hopelessness and despair - it’s still hard to find the words 🥹
The years gone by are not years wasted, you did everything within your power to increase your chances of having a child, but sadly the outcome is one you couldn’t control. I truly believe that if you knew what you knew 4 years ago plus all the learnings along the way - you’d still make the same choices.
Just keep putting one foot infront of the other, and if that means next steps are donor - it’s one step closer to your end goal of a healthy child and a family. However you get there 🫶🏻
This journey is cruel, exhausting and unknown - but I truly believe we’ll all find a way to happiness, in some shape or form. Xxx thinking of you xxX
So sorry to hear this. I feel your pain. Unless you have gone through what we have been through you will never understand just what a rough ride this is. Hoping and praying for good news with your donor egg search and your not so highly rated embryo. Big hug xxx
I’m so so sorry to read this 😔 I know how much hope you had (of course) placed on that embryo.
Our donor egg baby is now 7 months and we are making the moves to transfer another of our frozen embryos early next year.
I’m not sure what moves you have started to make towards donor but honestly, you must do it. There is no looking back once you have. Have you joined the donor conception network online? Reading some of the women’s stories on there will make a huge difference to your outlook and is also a great place for advice.
I am so sorry that it didn’t work. You have done everything possible to give the embryo a chance and you are so brave for going through this journey. I really don’t think your body is broken, sometimes it’s just bad luck. We had to transfer 4 PGS tested embryo to get one to implant and be our rainbow baby. No reason on why they other 3 didn’t work. Lots of love x
Thank you for this. I've tried hard to fight I know that. But I feel like I am losing the battle. Thank you for sharing re your 4 PGTA transfers and that it eventually worked. I need to hear things like this because I need to believe its going to work eventually otherwise I literally don't know what my future looks like x
I'm so sorry Skittles. You went through so much and you still are so strong. I still believe you will achieve this, you are a warrior, and with donor eggs it will just work. You just need a little bit more time. Huge virtual hug x
Thank you for the reassurance to lift me up. It is hard to see how it can ever work as it makes you so despondent but that is why I need to hear things like this xx
Oh Skittles, I was really hoping this was the one for you.
I really feel your frustration - you have literally tried everything. I wonder if you might think about LIT treatment if you do go down the donor route? It's supposed to help your body accept the embryo. I guess like everything though it's really expensive and invasive.
I imagine it's a very difficult decision but I know so many people who have used donor eggs / sperm / embryos and honestly once the baby is born it doesn't even matter. And I'm sure lots of people on here can give you their accounts of it too!
Sending you lots of love and strength in the meantime - it's rough.
It does in a small way and I think this is what I need to keep remembering. It is is hard and leaves me not understanding though when we literally tried so much. But then IVF is not an exact science, there is still plenty that is unknown. I was told 62% chance of live birth with my PGTA embryo and me and my husband had a guess that maybe all the immunes had brought that up to maybe 70/75% perhaps (who knows?) But it certainly wouldn't guarantee it even with all of the adjustments I guess...
I think that's it isn't it - we were told the same, I guess some of us have to be in the 30% that it doesn't work for, for no reason. It's immensely frustrating.
Like you say, there are so many variables, each transfer is different. xx
I’m so sorry you are going through this, I found this process the most challenging experience of my life. I have just finished a zoom meeting with the DCN and it was so lovely to be able to speak to other ladies who have either already got DE children or are on the same path as us. For me, when my OE transfers were failing, I found it comforting to look at the resources on the DCN and the beautiful stories on there. I found it uplifting at a time when I felt very bleak. Keep going x
Skittles I’m so sorry, reading this is heartbreaking. Your journey has been so strenuous for you and your partner, I really hope that the move to donor eggs is an exciting and successful route for you. Your an incredibly strong woman and an inspiration to others. Your words of wisdom and encouragement have meant so much to all of us on this forum, and i hope we can do the same for you. Xxxx
Hello Skitties, I am so very sorry to read this news. I was cheering you quietly from afar. Our journeys were similar in the embryo count and I was relating deeply to the hope in the one tested embryo. I don’t have anything helpful to say, except that I am sorry and that I hope and wish you you get to hold your baby eventually. It is a tough journey which does not always end with a positive pregnancy test or crossing the 12 week mark. Everyone here is so brave to keep trying the uncertainty. I will keep thinking about you.
Thank you for this lovely supportive message. I hope so too. It's very hard to keep motivated and keep fighting when literally every step seems to introduce some sort of setback or failure. Cannot believe the number of years this is consuming in our lives. Xx
I am really sorry to read this I hope you and your partner can take some time off this soul crushing rollercoaster and look after yourselves! Give yourselves the time and space to grieve and to recover. Big hugs
Yes I think we will take a trip and spend some time with our gorgeous doggies. They will always bring a smile to my face. Thank you for your support xx
You have tried everything and are considering very sensible next steps. I have many friends who donor eggs/embryos have worked for. Sorry it didn’t work for you this time despite throwing everything at it. Not the end of the road though, plenty of options to be hopeful about xx
This is encouraging, thank you. Not the end of the road, no, just the place I'm in psychologically right now makes me feel like I have no hope. But you are right and the logical part of me knows that xx
it’s perfectly normal to feel this way. The donor process takes a bit of time, which will give you a much needed break. A break is needed physically, but more importantly mentally after an unsuccessful round xx
Oh love I’m so sorry 😢 I know it doesn’t change anything but I really feel for you. It’s shit. It’s totally and completely shit. It’s unfair. It’s cruel and it’s undeserved. I really do empathise with you.
I know you’ve mentioned donor eggs, it’s obviously a huge decision to make and it’s not for everyone, but from my own experience it was the little teeny tiny bit of sunshine peeking through the almighty rain clouds. I needed someone to basically make that decision for me, and whilst I still don’t have full ‘closure’ (having quite a shit time of it currently), I can look back and think you know what? I tried really REALLY hard. We need to give ourselves more credit, we go through more than most could ever comprehend. I think of a donor egg as just needing one cell, I intend to grow the other eleventy billion myself!
You don’t need to decide anything now, but I’m always here if you want to DM me xx
Thank you lovely, I might take you up on the offer of the DM. I think we are in quite similar situations and have been for quite some time xx hope you are doing okay
I am so very sorry Skittles11 , I hate that you just can't get a break from the endless pain and disappointment of failed treatment. I know how hard you have hard it, this journey is so difficult, especially after suffering the trauma of losing your baby living with the grief and having to carry on fighting, picking yourself back up and having hope drained from you.
but please do not feel as if the last year or so has been wasted, having those tests/procedures done, the embryo banking etc. you are just trying every thing you can to maximise your chances and that is what most of us have to do in order to keep on trying. You just never know how things are going to work from one round to the next and each transfer. you have been so brave, you deserve some luck after all of this.
The deflated feelings are also hard to cope with after putting all your energy and focus into the transfer prep, but we must always have hope as hope is what seems to get us through.
It sounds so easy to just want a healthy living child doesn't it, and for the lucky ones who have no struggles conceiving/bringing their babies home it can be that simple, unfortunately for us and many others on here we have to fight these battles and try all we can to see if we get this chance.
I know you have a lot to think about now with your next steps but for now please look after yourself and Know I am always here to chat and support you ❤️. you are not alone, I know id be lost without this forum.
You are such a kind soul, thank you for this heartfelt message of support and understanding. I can tell how much you can relate. It certainly does sound easy doesn't it and yet seems so far away for a handful of us who have such significant struggles. Sometimes I sit and think can this really be happening to me and yet it is. Very hard to sit with such challenging feelings sometimes. Here for you too xx
Thank you ❤️ it really is challenging and unbelievable when you sit and think of all you have had to face over the years and it is just not fair. I also feel it is hard to accept. It takes pure strength and determination to keep on going. A lovely lady on here once was told by a specialist that those who persevere will be rewarded.
I hope the next few days/weeks and so on are gentle on you xx
I’m so so sorry that this has happened. I know it feels totally unfair. It sounds like you have done everything you can to maximise your chances.
You have been through so much and I want to say that I feel the pain, despair and frustration that you’re going through.
You will feel raw now and drained emotionally, physically and financially. I wish I could give you a hug. At this moment in time I’m sure it feels like you can’t get through this but you will.
Take some time to be patient and kind to yourself and I hope that you are supported by friends and family.
Thank you for your lovely message. I really did try so much and I think that just adds to how cruel the result feels. Feeling numb right now. It's quite a lonely place to be in but am so grateful for the support from folk on here who are really in my corner. Xx
I’m so sorry to read this. I had been following and was so hopeful for you. No advice but I feel for you. This journey is painful and frustrating and so unfair xxx
I read your posts regularly you’ve often replied to me and others offering comfort ❤️ My heart goes out to you, very tough, exhausting and all consuming. Thinking of u and take care Skittles11
Definitely, I am totally exhausted and feel consumed by it all right now. Equally I find I have to keep thinking of next steps so it is tough to get the balance right. Thank you for reaching out xx
Oh Skittles11 I can't say anything more eloquent or comforting than you've received from all the other replies. You've been through so much and just look at all the other ladies you've given comfort and good counsel to (including me!) even when things have been so hard for you. You are a thoughful, generous and very brave soul. I'm so so very sorry for what's happened and how you must be feeling right now. If you go down any other route (donor, surrogacy, adoption...) to get your child I'm sure you will be such a wonderful parent x
I am feeling totally deflated and have had a couple of episodes where the tears have not stopped, including on the train! Thank you for your support and uplifting message xx
I cried at anything (and nothing) after the last one. I think with the hormone crash and the come down from the adrenaline, and being just emotionally exhausted/running on empty, it's inevitable. I bawled in a shop, then some more in a carpark, on a train platform... if anyone asked me if I was OK. I thought I was alright again but now with the FET meds I've just cried this morning listening to bl**dy ABBA!
Oh I’m so sorry to read this Skittles. Your post really resonates with me. This process can be gut wrenching and heart breaking. And only those who have gone through it really know.
Will watch out for good news in the future with a donor as I truly believe you will get there Xxx
Thank you, I appreciate your confidence in me and getting there in the end. I hope you are right. I am sorry that you are struggling too. Its such a horrible place to be in, not knowing what the future holds. Thank you for your support xx
I’m so so sorry 😢 I can feel the hurt and deflation in your words but nothing you have done has been a waste of time you have eliminated the ‘what ifs’ to get you to the place of next steps (which sounds like donor eggs for you) and you have done a lot of things that will help with that too. You should be really proud of yourself and everything you have done even if the outcome this week isn’t the one you hoped for, keep on keeping on my lovely and be kind to yourself 💜 xx
Thank you Twiglet. It just feels like the year and three quarters we spent on trying to optimise everything hasn't had the outcome we wanted so I guess that's why it feels so wasted but I get what you are saying about eliminating things. I will try and be kind to myself xx
Oh, love! I was so sorry to hear your news. I don’t think there is anything I can say that hasn’t already been said and can make you feel better. Sending you big hugs xxx You know my story and I feel your pain and feel very sad for you. You are an incredible mum and I hope you can have your much wished for living child soon. With determination and perseverance (like you have proved to have keeping fighting for the last few years!) , one way or another, I truly believe you will get there and I cannot wait to hear some happy news from you. All my love xxxx
I'm so sorry to read this Skittles. You've been through so much! Failed transfers after everything you've been through can feel devastating, not to mention the exhaustion and frustration you must feel with the process. I really feel for you ❤️ You absolutely deserve to have a healthy living child at the end of this utterly grueling process. I hope that whatever happens next for you that things move as quickly, smoothly and painlessly as they possibly can. I am rooting for your luck to change and you to get the outcome you so need and deserve.
Here if you ever need to message. For now, I'm sending you a big heartfelt hug. Take care xxx
Hey. I know you'll know what I mean when I say it feels like it's just bad luck after bad luck, layer upon layer of loss and heartache. Like seriously how much can one person take?! I am grateful for your support and the offer of reaching out xx
Hi Skittles I’m so sorry I know how much you ‘invested’ emotionally physically financially and of course time too. It’s a lot to process of course which is natural. But looking back you’d have kicked yourself if you never tried and got this far. Ivf sadly gives us a bit of hope not a gurantee as I too have learnt the painful and long way. I hope you can have some time with your partner and lots of self care and processing this and then decide if you want to move onto donor egg and or clinics.
Whichever it is maybe worthwhile considering a move. Some clinics specialise in just donor ivf like London egg bank. Whichever it is, I hope you find some peace and one step closer to your ❤️dream of being a mum.
I really do because Ive seen the journey you’ve done so well to get this far. 🫶🏼let your body release those hormones and feel whatever you have to. ❤️there’s no such thing as staying strong all the time on this journey. Lots of love as always x
Thank you lovely. I appreciate the support you've given to me over the past few weeks and months. Definitely a painful journey and not knowing what to do next for the best is hard xx
I’m just sorry this has happened but I know one day you’ll look back and know you tried and who knows… maybe some good news whatever that path is. For now, just look after yourself xxx
So sorry to hear this - after 5 transfers we are considering donor/s too. My counsellor asked me to think about this process as moving forward - even when unsuccessful, you are still moving forward and not stuck in the same place (even if it feels like it). X
This is a useful thing to hear, about still moving forward even when unsuccessful. Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you have had 5 transfers which have not been successful. Its so hard xx
So sorry you have been through all this for so long. You have made so many brave decisions and worked so hard and I can only say I am thinking of you and in awe of your strength.
This is a truly gruelling process and you deserve a happy ending. However it goes from here, know you are an amazing person and happiness will come.
Take good care, rest and know you have support right here when you need it xx
I am so, so sorry to hear this. I also had two PGS embryos that didn’t work and I was so frustrated and didn’t understand why. I have followed your story and you have done absolutely everything humanly possible - that’s all you can do. Be kind to yourself.
I have two friends who have just given birth to their daughters (both egg donation) after horrific journeys of pain and sadness and loss. Now they are mothers, with baby in arms and all the fears and sadness over own-egg loss has melted away. This will be you soon.
Just keep going. Your resilience is admirable and you will get there. Some things in life are even more precious when it takes a hellish journey to get there ❤️❤️
Thank you, also for sharing these beautiful stories about your two friends. I sincerely hope that will be me. When you have the PGTA tested embryo and did a bunch of testing I believe you are lulled a bit in to a false sense of security and it felt like so much riding on this one precious embryo.
Enormous pressure. Like you I struggle to understand why it did not implant when I went to such lengths.
Hi Skittles, as I read your post, my heart goes out to you. Yes we all here understand but it doesn’t make it any easier! We are also on our 4 cycle too. It makes me sick how expensive it is. Our 1st cycles were with my eggs! We had to stop because we ran out of money and doctors told us we would need to us DE. We are awaiting results from our 1 and only FET left, we are using a surrogate so pretty intense.
But I’ve heard people say that they have had better luck with their worse graded embryos. I believe the testing is the most important. Is your last one tested?
don’t give up! We are here for your support. I know it’s hard. Sending you peace and hope for the best direction for you!!
Thank you, me too! It is totally sickening how much all of this costs. Just for the chance of having a family. I can't think about it too much otherwise it makes me too frustrated. Our last embryo is not tested because we only started testing embryos after we discovered our baby was not well and had a chromosomal condition (and the untested embryo had already been frozen by that point). The embryologists have told me not to test the frozen one because of the risk to thawing and resting, re freezing and then thawing again. But I have absolutely no confidence in the embryo which feels really sad to say.
I can only imagine how you and your husband are feeling right now. You have put your heart and soul into having your tiny human and have shown so much resilience. I hope and pray on whatever journey you decide next, if that is a donor, that your dreams come true.
I'm really sorry to read this, Skittles. Completely get you, feeling deflated going through what you have one after the other. Its not easy but equally be proud of yourself to having had the courage to go through and yet carry on. By no means even go near blaming yourself because its not your fault.Moving to donor sounds like a good plan. There's a lot of homework to do on that front before you embark on that journey. Feel free to message if you would to have a chat or would like any info. Wishing you lots of success in whatever you decide xx
I'm so sorry Skittles11. It's so heartbreaking and you've been through so much. Be gentle on yourself. I've read a lot of posts where people end up with a healthy baby after using an embryo that wasn't rated highly so there is still hope and as you mention the donor egg route could help too.
I really hope whatever route you go down, it works for you and you have a baby soon
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I hope you and your partner can take some time off this soul crushing rollercoaster and look after yourselves! Give yourselves the time and space to grieve and to recover. Big hugs
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