Supportive Partner During IVF

[JasW22]

Hi all,

My wife and I are starting our IVF journey soon and I want to know how I can be as supportive as possible. The last few months have been a bit of a rollercoaster for us both and I’m trying to be the best form of support I can be for her. This is taking its toll on both of us mentally as we’re both trying to manage fairly intense jobs. She has ADHD and I have a slew of my own mental health issues and I’ve been in a really dark place lately but I’m trying to make sure she’s okay.

Any advice for a husband trying his hardest to be there for his wife?

Thanks in advance,

Jas

[AuroraXen]

Ahh bless you - what a supportive partner! I think just encouraging her, reminding her that so much of this is out of your hands, all of that is really helpful. Learn about the process, ask questions together as a team so she knows you're in it together ❤️

Don't forget to look after yourself too though - it's lovely you want to care for her, and the treatments can be quite hard on women physically, but make sure you have an outlet for your feelings too. IVF can be a rollercoster and some find the emotional side much harder than any physical effects. And that will likely affect you both, so make sure your mental health needs are also being met. Don't be afraid to seek counselling at your clinic, and if there are things you don't want to share with your partner, e.g if things don't work at first and you're trying to be strong for her, do try to find a friend or relative you can offload to, if you need to. Wishing you lots of luck!

[JasW22 in reply to AuroraXen]

Thanks so much for your reply! With regards to IVF I’m still a little clueless to it all and I’m really forgetful when it comes to this sort of thing, I know there isn’t a set route as such but I’m trying to find the best way to be clued up about it all in a way I can remember

[FierceGrace85]

ahh this is so lovely and thoughtful, I wish you both all the best with the treatment.

What I have found really helpful is my partner doing the injections for me as I’m not a big fan of needles. It’s also a nice way to both feel involved.

I also found it helpful during the two week wait for my partner to cook dinner and take on a bit more housework than usual as my energy levels are lower and they advise to take it easy during this phase.

Also just being there for hugs and little shoulder massages.

And we have found fertility counselling helpful too.

Best of luck!

[JasW22 in reply to FierceGrace85]

Thank you for your message! This is really sound advice, I’m normally quite good with making sure she can lean on me to cook and clean so this is really reassuring to hear. I’m quite scared of needles myself but if needed I should probably just manage that fear to help her when the time comes to do so

[Muppetgirl]

I would say if she has ADHD then find a way to record any information and options that you have - ask if possible to record meetings or be the note keeper. I think someone has said it bit be honest about your feelings with your wife. My partner always said its about me not him ( which I understand his sentiment) but that made feel like it was my journey a little bit. Get on this forum and ask questions. I lived this forum because I'd find out this to ask my clinic or tests to have done that I wouldn't otherwise have known about. Try and have fun in your journey - name funny looking parts in scans etc. I wish you all the growing luck in the world

[JasW22 in reply to Muppetgirl]

Great advice and thank you so much for your message!

[lmno]

I think the fact you’ve even asked this question shows how supportive you are being. The biggest thing my partner does which helps when I’m in the midst of it all is remind me that no matter what happens we’re a solid team and we’ll come through it and there are brighter days ahead. It can get so intense and all consuming and the more positive and hope-filled messages you can put her way to counteract all the negative stuff the better. Wishing you both all the best x

[JasW22 in reply to lmno]

Thank you for your message, I really appreciate the advice you’ve shared with me!

[Daughterofaking]

Just want to say God bless you for being a supportive partner and may your dreams come true. Wishing your family the good news you crave for xx

[JasW22 in reply to Daughterofaking]

Thank you so much!

[Bexarama83]

this is so lovely, it’s so nice to hear of partners trying to understand how they can be more supportive. I hope your partner knows how lucky she is! Just be there for her, do the housework, cooking walk the dog etc…but remember this is hard on you too so please find an outlet for yourself. Wishing you both the best of luck!

[JasW22 in reply to Bexarama83]

I’m usually quite good with helping with chores but stepping it up to take on a little more is well within my capacity if it helps! Thanks for your advice!

[AMJean]

Hi JasW22,

So great to see this post and I think this is already part of your answer as you’re recognising the importance of prioritising each other as you go through this. Our IVF journey has just finished and we’re both really sad about it, but I look back over the last few years and am so pleased with how we were a team. It was tough and we had crappy times, but we stayed kind and tried to communicate honestly throughout. We also took opportunities to have pockets of fun even though we were knackered, skint etc! I had personal coaching throughout, which really helped me keep myself on track… even when I didn’t think I needed it. This was huge tbh as it meant I had an outlet beyond the relationship and family/friends that was just for me. In keeping myself healthy I was then available to my husband in a much better way and learnt stuff that helped him by proxy even though he wasn’t fussed about coaching. Looking back, this was key. Good luck with your iVF journey 🍀✨🤞and keep asking questions like this x

[JasW22 in reply to AMJean]

Thank you so much for your reply, I’m really glad I asked this question and the advice you’ve given is a huge help. I’m so sorry about your journey’s end being sad but I really hope you can lean on your outlets to prop you up at least!