Inappropriate comment by my dad

[MammaMia86]

Yesterday I went to my parent's house and I mentioned to my dad that I thought that I was pregnant, but until Tuesday it was not 100% sure.

He was happy, but then we were talking a bit about IVF, and he started saying that he was sure I was going to get it because I am very stubborn and when I have a goal in mind I don't stop until I achieve it, but after that I loose interest on it.

I don't know what was my face but he started saying that he didn't mean that I was going to ignore a baby.....but SERIOUSLY????

I really don't know what he is trying to say....is he trying to suggest that he is expecting that I drop the kid on them?

I really cannot talk to him and say that he hurt my feelings or anything like that, he always turns it around and makes it look as he is the victim.

Sorry for the rant....I am feeling a bit down, and now I wonder if I am going to be a bad mother.

[Positive20]

Hi MamaMia I’m sure your Dad meant no harm in it but yes I’ve had the odd silly comment from someone when I was going through my transfers and all I can say is the following:

1. A lot of people just don’t know what to say about IVF, unless you’ve been through it a lot of ppl don’t even know what it involves or how challenging it is.

2. Unless you’ve experienced IVF you can never fully understand what someone has gone through or what it’s like to do multiple attempts.

I’m sure your Dad did not mean you will be in any way, shape or form be a bad mum or lose interest and you yourself will know personally that you won’t be a bad mum because of the journey you have had to go on to have a child. Xx

[MammaMia86 in reply to Positive20]

Thanks! I haven't been able to tell my husband about it, because he won't be happy about it.

Thank you for your words....I know sometimes we are sensitive to what other people say....but he has the special ability to do these kind of things.

You have no idea how much it meant your words😘😘

[StarsAllAround]

People who have not experienced IVF just don't know what to say, I had plenty of upsetting comments by close family who were trying to be supportive but at the time just said the complete wrong thing. It sounds like your dad was trying to say something supportive and encouraging about you, realised it wasn't then tried to make it sound better but just dug himself into a bigger hole. I'm sure he didn't mean he thinks you will be a bad mum I wouldn't hold it against him. Good luck on your journey x

[MammaMia86 in reply to StarsAllAround]

Thank you, sometimes we are more criticals with our close family

[Twiglet2]

If I’m reading it right I think he was probably talking generally about your determination of spirit when he raised you and not this specific situation around having a baby 🤗 he probabaly dodnt know the right thing to say and he tried to compliment you and got it all wrong! 🙈 he’s apologised and explained that he didn’t mean it that way but I can defo see why you might have thought that for a second.

I’d personally say move on and enjoy this time as you have much more to think about than a misplaced comment. Sometimes with IVF finding out we are pregnant and telling people isn’t the way we ‘dreamed’ of it in the movies and I know personally that made me analyse everything more than I would normally. Try not to worry about out it lovely 🤗🫶🏻💜

[MammaMia86 in reply to Twiglet2]

All of you are right, I know he meant to compliment me. Maybe I was too sensitive. Thanks for your support😘

[Kismet_x]

I don't believe your dad meant any harm. I believe he was trying to be nice by saying you don't give up x

[Star3129]

Hey,I don't have anything much to say on this,just want to say noone in this whole wide world can judge a mother that too a Ivf mother why I say this because we already go through so much can really understand but you.

I really hope you get strength and support around you in whatever you decide

[MammaMia86 in reply to Star3129]

at least he didn't say that I should relax and it will happen ......hahahha

[Koala365]

It was a totally stupid thing for him to say. I mean I am the most determined person I know but being determined and goal-orientated doesn't cause you to become pregnant. I pushed myself through 6 stimulation cycles and had 7 embryos transferred and still failed to get pregnant. It may have meant I was mentally able or at least more driven to do more cycles than some people but it had no effect on the end result. It does sound like he was trying to be helpful and pointing to an aspect of your personality which he thought would help you though. I wouldn't be too harsh on him. People who have never done this don't understand. Maybe educate him in a neutral way and without any of the "you hurt me" aspect of it so he can't turn it round as it is just a neutral discussion. Then hopefully he won't come out with anything so utterly stupid that causes you hurt in future!

[MammaMia86 in reply to Koala365]

I know I know....maybe I was too harsh. He has done some very stupid things in the past VERY VERY STUPID, and maybe that is the reason why I reacted that way. Thanks for your support😘

[Daughterofaking]

Hey, i think what your dad meant was in a positive way meaning you are a goal getter. He knows if you want something you will go all out to get it no matter what it will cost you or the sacrifice you need to make to achieve it. I know you already had that mind set that he has th3 ability to do things like this. Like others said maybe he did not use the right choice of words at th3 time. Please don't put this to heart and give him th3 opportunity to enjoy his grand child when thr baby arrives. I wish you all th3 best in your journey. You know you will be a great mum, that's the confidence whatever anyone says doesn't matter. xx

[MammaMia86 in reply to Daughterofaking]

I will not stop that comment for letting my kid to enjoy his grandparents. My relationship is my relationship and I do not want it to affect my kid.

thank you for your wishes😘