Struggling today after my egg collection yesterday where no eggs were retrieved and my 5th and final cycle was cancelled.
I’m 42 with low AMH OF 0.8 - long story short- I had 4 previous cycles and 5 transfers between 2019 and 2021, all BFN and thought I was done with ivf. I spent the past year plus trying to move on. At the same time, I made changes to my life style, diet and took endless expensive supplements to increase any chance I had of conceiving naturally. I concluded I just wanted one last shot at ivf to try prednisilone as I found out last year my NK cells were off the charts high. There was a ‘what if’ hanging over me that didn’t go away with time. When I started looking into ivf again, it was a horrible shock that my amh had dropped drastically during that time but I still felt I just needed one last attempt. My stims scan exceeded my low expectations, with 2 perfect size follicles and 4 that had a fighting chance of containing an egg. Going into retrieval I was hopeful of at least 1 egg, as I’d always had eggs from full sized follicles before. Sadly my hopes were dashed waking up after the procedure.
I feel cheated that I’ve never got the chance to try the prednisilone (I wasn’t allowed previously due to covid) and that it will always be a question in my mind.
I’ve decided I physically, mentally and financially cannot do any more ivf including donor eggs. But now I’m thinking, now what? How do you move past this grief and life altering situation? My whole life has centred round this for the past 5 years and now I feel totally lost.
This is pretty much the only community that understands., any words of wisdom appreciated ❤️ and thank you if you’ve read this far.
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Yorkie_hopeful
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I'm so sorry you had to go through this too its the worst thing to wake up and have your hopes smashed to pieces. Last summer I had a round with only 2 responding follicles,both good size, good oestradiol levels but both were empty. I was absolutely gutted. Take time to grieve, take up the counselling most clinics offer. I ended up moving clinics with the intention of doing donor eggs. Surprisingly they offered me a different protocol which my previous clinic wouldn't entertain at all. I got 9 eggs and 2 blasts but still no positive (have had positive before twice but both ended in miscarriage). Waiting on a review after my last failed round to make a plan. Make time for yourself, take time off work if you need to, take a holiday. I know there are some good books out there on that subject. I can't remember the names but maybe someone else can help me out. Thinking of you ❤️
I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. It’s so difficult and can imagine how raw the disappointment is today. I have been in a similar position where I had ever decreasing returns at egg collection and although in my last collection had two eggs there was nothing to transfer. I’m not sure I have any words of wisdom but just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you and hope you can find a way through.
You have obviously thought long and hard about next steps and it sounds like you are pretty sure that was the last time. I know some ladies have found a book quite helpful. I think the title is something like Life unexpected (hopefully someone can confirm actual title!). People have said it made them think more positively about the future and how it would look for them after their IVF journey ended.
Have you thought about counselling as it may be helpful to really go through different futures to help you made a definitive decision. My clinic offered one free session and the option of more.
In my case I did move on to DE, although you have obviously considered this, it’s not for everyone. Clinic abroad are more affordable and maybe you might come to this in the future, but equally how you feel today may be a final one.
Whatever you decide, I wish you well and know that there are lots of us out there who get what you’ve been through and the physical and emotional battering and the toll IVF takes. Keep reaching out and I hope the fact we all understand and can relate helps you especially over the next few weeks and months.
I’m so sorry, I don’t have words of wisdom but I just felt that I wanted to reach out to you to let you know you have support. This whole journey is so traumatic and when you have gone through a decision of not carrying on with ivf and then trying one last time, I can only imagine the trauma you’re going through mentally and physically. But you did the right thing for you, the “what if” would have weighed you down if you didn’t try again.
I definitely would say, take some time to heal, if you can take time off work do just that, don’t put pressure on yourself to be ok, because I don’t think we’re ever truly going to be ok with what we go through.
You mentioned DE isn’t for you, which is great you have that decision made because for most of us, it’s very uncertain. Having that clarity is a positive.
Like I said I’m sorry I don’t have words of wisdom, but we’re all here for you, thinking of you xx
I was your age and did 3 rounds with last one cancelled. AMH was at 0.9 if I remember correctly. I was given a 10pc chance I think. We had to balance time / money / and the fact we didn’t wish to be much older parents. We moved on to thinking about adoption. Then the thought process took us to considering donor egg which surely was one step better than adoption ( for us ). I also knew we wanted to be parents right now. No more waiting. We found a large frozen egg bank in the UK. So many to choose from. I think within 3 months of making that decision I was pregnant and he now a beautiful boy I’m holding in my arms. I guess decision was easier for me as I had friends who had gone the same route. I think you’ll know inside when the time is right to stop / try again or to move in a different direction. Take some time out to relax and look after yourself.
thank you and many congratulations on becoming a mum.
I have friends who have gone down both the adoption/DE route so I am prettt familiar with both those options. I’ve thought long and hard about both paths for 2 years now, but ultimately have sadly decided it’s not for me for various reasons.
I would say definitely access some counselling, or even ring the helpline to speak to Janet, Diane here. The Samaritans are also available to ring and listen if you need to ring and speak to someone anytime of the day, they are trained in counselling and anyone can ring with any problem.
I’m so sorry regarding your journey, I know when we were beginning to get near the end of ours it helped me to know what the next plan was for me personally. I knew this was adoption 100% so I gathered the information I needed so I was educated on what types of adoption there are (it is possible to adopt babies too but you foster them first).
You definitely need some time out so speak to people, be kind to yourself, there is no rush. Decide what you want your future to look like - there’s no right and wrong answer, children or no children.
Hello Yorkie_hopeful I went through the same thing last year. At 38 doing my 2nd round of IVF, no eggs were collected and it is the most devasting feeling. At the time my husband suggested DE, but I couldn't entertain the idea. A year on, we've just gone on the register for DE IVF. As Ace1991 said, it is like one step better than adoption for us, which will be the next step if DE IVF doesn't work out, but we are hopeful. Best wishes to you on your journey, sending lots of hugs and love.
I don't know if this is comforting or not, but I took a year off from treatments because I also couldn't take it anymore. I tried to focus on the positives of a life without the worries of being a parent, and told myself that I could always decide to do a donor egg down the line if I really felt I needed to have a baby. I know someone who did donor eggs at 50! She has a daughter. It was a nice reminder that I was not "trapped" in any state of being. I could focus on the positives of not being a parent, while knowing that I could become a parent later if I really felt like it was lacking. I know donor eggs are not a guarantee, but for my situation it helped me to think in that way. To try to undo some of the panic and misery in my head of all those failed treatments and sadness. You are valuable AS YOU and should take time to take care of yourself for your own sake, and not as a potential parent. I did end up coming back to IVF but I think it was important for me to reestablish myself, to face the sadness, and sort of realign myself with life and with my self worth outside of fertility.
Based on every individual mind. Some people find wisdom on a book, councils, time off, massages, friends, couching. But the most important is that you are not alone. No matter what route you decide, most of us will support you until you heal and ready for the next step
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