Moving from IUI to IVF... Time out and how to prepare... ? How long from consult to IVF starting? Advice needed/experiences welcome..

[ttcsolomummytobe]

Sorry for the long post in advance

Solo female, 35 yo, no known infertility issues.

I have just had 3 IUI unmedicated consecutive and unfortunately the third has failed and my period arrived today.

The original plan was to move on to 3 medicated IUI but my feeling now is to move to IVF, for various reasons - finances/time/success rates of IUI after third. I'm considering moving clinic as haven't been happy with how they have handled some things but this may also depend on the multi cycle plans available with other clinics.

I waited so long to start treatment that felt like I was as prepared as I could be, I knew it would be emotional difficult and made sure I did lots of nice things beforehand and have then pretty much focused the last 3 months on the IUI, the first fail was more confusion and just wanting to get on with the next one, the second I was heartbroken as certain it had worked and ended up run down and off work sick, more due to how I felt and third only happening today has made me gutted, bit in shock but I don't want to end up like I was after IUI 2, feel like I'm still picking myself up from it so I'm trying to make a plan going forward, something that will give me focus but also feel like I need some time out too.

Guess my question is anyone been in a similar position and decided to take a time out?

If so did you completely cut off from fertility things and live life for a bit/work on getting plans in place for fertility but not do the treatment or did you jump into IVF as soon as you could?

Any tips on how to put a pause on that side of my brain. It's my first thought when I wake and last thought before I sleep and many hours in between, truly is exhausting.

Also when you did start the process of moving to IVF how long did it take from getting an initial consult with a clinic to starting the IVF medication/treatment?

One last question, which probably sounds silly but has anyone had IVF in summer and in winter and found that the weather effected how you felt/dealt with it? I know it sounds silly but my 3 IUIs have been through the colder months and I feel like it's made it so hard to get out and do things as it's so miserable and wanting to keep myself wrapped up and warm to give my IUI the best chance.

Sorry for the massive offload, just trying to make sense and find a way forward that will bring me some peace/focus and almost allow myself to take a break.

Thanks in advance.

[Tarasunny]

Totally get where you're coming from. As a fellow hopeful solo mummy almost 3 years into her journey I'd say go for ivf especially if you want more than 1. At your age the chances are so much better. I wish I'd gone for ivf sooner, I did 4 IUI's, 3 natural and 1 Medicated, not even a hint of a positive. Now that bit older and a further 4 fresh rounds of IVF, 3 transfers and 2 miscarriages later I still have empty arms. Its a difficult journey don't give up, it will alm be worth it in the end. Sometimes that can be difficult to see, so if you need to take time out do it . Spend time with family and friends, go on holiday, have fun and come back to your journey refreshed. Feel free to pm me if you want to chat x

[ttcsolomummytobe in reply to Tarasunny]

Thank you for your reply. I've PMd you x

[Twiglet2]

I’m so sorry it hasn’t worked this time 😢💜 sending you a big squeezy hug!

Personally I wish I’d moved straight to IVF instead of the 3 medicated IUIs,there’s much better odds and if you are buying sperm you can sometimes make a few embryos with one vile so can save you money on sperm as well. I found the medicated IUIs just as much work as an IVF round (only difference was the egg collection really which is really fine).

On the ‘time out’ question depending on your clinic it can take a wee while to get the paperwork and tests in order so that might give you enough ‘time out’ possibly? 🤔 personally I like to get all the admin and protocols sorted and THEN decide what period to phone up and start on (so I’m not at the mercy of paperwork or waiting for consultations etc when I feel good to go)

We’ve been trying for a sibling for a while now with no luck and I was just saying last night (after we had a chemical in December) that I genuinely feel the winter is harder for so many reasons (mood, exercise, natural vitimin D etc.) and last time we had an early miscarriage a few years ago it was January but it was a beautiful august heatwave when we conceived our son (so I’m obviously biased here) but I personally find it easier in the spring/ summer to find things to keep busy with and lift my mood. So we are going to start again around April time I think for that very reason (or my alternative suggestion was go abroad somewhere hot ☀️ 🤣🤣🤣) so I think you might be on to something that the winter can be harder for some people going through treatment (although it easier to hide under the duvet sometimes!) xxx

[ttcsolomummytobe in reply to Twiglet2]

Thank you for your reply.

IVF is not something I have fully looked into, I just made sure I had money saved for IUIs and a round of IVF if needed. Going to be looking more at the different packages companies offer as that can sometimes work out better but also such alot to consider and certain package companies only work with certain clinics. Also a big factor for the packages is BMI, mine is 35 and most have to be 30... It's bein realistic wether I could lose 22lb in a fair time and safe way to be eligible for a programme.

I know I need to take some kind of break as it's just all consuming and making me very regretful I didn't try sooner or didn't decide to freeze eggs sooner, I know all the regret and hindsight does brings no good feelings but it's hard to move past it.

I do feel for me personally the weather has played a big part, I wouldn't usually care about walking in the cold etc but feel like for the 2ww's I really have limited everything I've done so much to the point that it's impacted my health and motivation. Prior to treatment I would spend a max of 12 hours a week watching TV or sat around and now it's probably closer to 50 during my 2ww's, I know I also need to be less hard on myself but it's all round not easy is it.

Sounds like you have made a sensible choice regarding delaying treatment to till better weather.

Thank you again for all your kind words, good luck for your next treatment x

[Twiglet2 in reply to ttcsolomummytobe]

our clinic was BMI 30 for nhs but 35 for private treatment (clinic in Scotland) which took the pressure off that part for us in case that helps 🤗 thanks and same to you xx

[Jumpppy in reply to Twiglet2]

Agree with Twiglet2 - NHS BMI is much stricter than private. You'll be able to find a private clinic for 35 BMI.

Very sorry it hasn't worked out. I think you are doing the right thing looking to go to IVF. The success rates for IUI are very low (many studies report as low as 3%-6%). You'll see a decent number of people on the forum who spend a lot of money and time on IUI without success. Some people will get success every time, but most won't find success. I'd say IUI is the route you take when funds are very limited such that if IUI doesn't work then you give up. If that's not you, IVF has a lot of advantages, e.g. embryo banking so you can try for siblings with younger eggs, "plan" pregnancy dates because you control transfer, more information on embryo formation to identify underlying issues, etc.

All of this said you are potentially in a tough position because you are going into this not knowing if there are in fact any fertility issues. (Likely there are not and it's just IUI success rates from 3 cycles isn't great). Be gentle with yourself and be a good advocate for yourself. Don't be gutted if first IVF cycle also doesn't work - it only works first time for 25%-30%. After 6 cycles (stim+collection not transfers) there is success for upwards of 90%. Lots of stories of double donor + surrogate taking several attempts. If ART was a panacea and it worked quickly you wouldn't have such an active forum 😉

This may be a fast or slow journey-you won't know until the end...

Good luck!