Male infertility support

[MC1601]

Hi Everyone, apologies if this has been asked before...I'm sure it has.

My Step daughter and future son in law have been trying for a baby for a number of years. Talk about bad news hitting at the same time ! Step daughter potentialy has PCOS and has a follow up meeting soon, but future Son in law has been told that the issue lies with him.

My issue is, I'm not meant to know about his situaton, so I'm not fully aware of what the full diagnosis is, he's been for hospital/doctors appointments a few times now and has a "final" meeting to discuss options, but not until May next year.

He's phoned Step daughter up today, blaming himself and stating that he doesn't blame her if she wants to leave him (she doesn't).

He's a lovely lad, and I want to help support him and my step daughter through this, what i'm struggling to find is information to help with what to say! I really don't want to offer false platitudes so any support would be greatfully recieved.

[Llizzie]

hi there. Perhaps she could point him to a few different places for support. HIMFertility holds support groups for men, Toby Trice and Knackered Knackers (Shaun Greenaway) are also two men who talk openly about male infertility. My husband found them useful. In terms of what to say, I would be led by him. If he wants to keep it private, respect that. But you can support him indirectly but supporting your step daughter - it impacts her and she’ll not only be adjusting to his diagnosis but wondering how to support him too. Women also bear the brunt of treatment for male infertility.

My own experience has been that it can take some time for men to adjust to an infertility diagnosis. I supported my husband by trying to find out why his numbers were so low, and I think it made a difference when we started IVF together. Wishing your family the best of luck x

[MC1601 in reply to Llizzie]

Lizzie, thanks very much for the reply and places to look. Much appreciated.

[Gozo22]

Hi MC1601,I'm sorry to hear your step daughter and future son in law are going through this, it is such a difficult journey. I can only speak of myself and my partners' experience, but hopefully it may help in some way. My partner was diagnosed with non-obstructive azoospermia (zero sperm), as a result of an undescended testicle as a baby that wasn't operated on until he was about 8 years old (they now know it should be operated on asap). We were told our only option was donor sperm, however I did a lot of research and paid for a private consultation with an excellent Urologist who specialises in male fertility (I can send you a link via a private message on here if you would like - his website is also very informative!). He performed an operation called micro-tese and they retrieved sperm directly from his testicles. So even if your son in law's diagnosis is as extreme as no sperm at all, there may still be options! If he has poor quality/quantity sperm then diet and lifestyle changes and supplements/accupuncture can really improve things. Or there may be a genetic condition which will make it impossible. My partner took it very hard when he was diagnosed, completely closed down and felt very guilty. I convinced him to go to a fertility counsellor with me and it was a huge help to him (and me) and he started opening up to a few select friends. Any emotional support you can give to your step daughter will not only help her, but help her support him. There are some good podcasts on Spotify and support groups on Facebook. My partner has subsequently said he wished he'd known about these and connected with other males in a similar situation.

I wish you all lots of luck!

[MakingbabyN]

Hi MC1601, the fact that you are posting on here seeking the best way to support shows just how amazing you are and how much you want to help. If only more people did this!

Without knowing exactly what’s going on it is hard for you to know what to say/do. For me personally I wanted to keep what was going on with me and my husband as private as possible, but I knew my mum was always there if I did want to chat. Knowing you are there and ready to support your step daughter and her partner whenever they need it will be a big help to them. My suggestion would be to be let them know you’re there, but that you’ll be led by them.

This forum has so much info on it and everybody has lots of advice so hopefully we will all be able to help as your family moves along the process.

Infertility is a rollercoaster, with big highs and low lows. Diagnosis can be devastating, but equally there is so much out there and the science really is amazing. So whilst I totally agree that false hope isn’t helpful, there is lots for your family to be hopeful about.

Expect that your step daughter and her partner may need some time to step away and be absent whilst they wait and start treatment.

Helping with little support packages - like ice packs and healthy foods / fertility books might be helpful. But the biggest help of all is just being there for them. Xxx

[Marylyn]

Both persons can have a folate & vitamin B12 deficiency which causes infertility in male & female .Miscarriages,foetal malformations,blood clots ,high blood pressure,haemorrhages,anxiety,depression & anaemia .I am retired midwife & are still teaching fertility awareness in my city.I have success pregnancies with the above treatment.Hope this info has been valuable.