Another BFN, 5th try for sibling, heartbroken

[Jam-master]

So I had a successful fresh round in 2018 and have since been trying for a sibling with 3 failed FET’s and 2 failed fresh rounds. First fresh round none made it to day 5, this round I managed to have a transfer but started bleeding the day before test day.

My results seem to be getting progressively worse, apart from managing to make it to transfer this round. My question is why I suppose?

They put me on a higher dose of meds this round but I didn’t respond as well as they hoped, only getting 6 eggs at retrieval.

Is there any hope? I just don’t know what could be done differently if I were to manage to do another round. I’m utterly heartbroken and terrified to resign to failing, but I may have to.

Thanks for reading xx

[Ruby1980]

hi I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have a four year old son from my 2nd cycle. We started again this year for a sibling and had a CP in the summer from a FET from my remaining frostie from my sons cycle. We did another fresh cycle this month that resulted in a 4AB blast only to get a BFN on Friday. We had none left to freeze even though we had all 7 eggs fertilise.

we are deciding whether to go through another fresh round and it's so difficult. I'm sending you much love. I'm sorry I have no advice as I am in limbo myself. I'm 42 years old so time is not on my side.

[Jam-master in reply to Ruby1980]

Thanks for your reply, it’s nice to know I’m not alone, it can be such a lonely journey. This might be the end of the journey for us, I say might as it’s so final deciding that’s it, it’s so hard. Thinking about you though, it’s a tough journey and nobody understands xx

[My_Miracle_Is_Here]

I also had success in 2018 with my daughter.

Trying for number 2 has been exhausting. After 3 fresh rounds and 6 blastocysts transferred so far; I have 1 final embryo transfer scheduled for Friday. After that I am done. I can honestly tell my daughter that I tried so hard to give her a sibling. But I’m now 40 and need to stop living in limbo and enjoy the life I have with her. I know it’s not going to be easy letting go of the dream, but I feel like I’ve wasted £28k and I can’t gamble any more. I just wish there was more support out there to help me through it.

[Jam-master in reply to My_Miracle_Is_Here]

I wish you all the luck for your last transfer, really hope it works for you. That’s the thing, it’s mostly for my son I’m doing it, I feel a huge amount of guilt that’s he’s all alone with no siblings, but as you say it’s not through lack of trying. I just feel so sorry for all of us. Most people get to decide how big they want their families.

I totally get what you say about living in limbo, we’ve not updated our house decor, not changed our car, not gone on big holidays, limbo like you say. But for my son, but we need to live our lives with him as much as we can. Just so hard to give up the pram and baby clothes etc, makes my heart ache thinking about it.

Wishing you all the luck, take care of yourself x

[Nenad]

I feel your pain, my story is very similar to yours. I’m an advocate of a second opinion. Had I not approached another clinic about BFNs and a CP, I wouldn’t have discovered that I have a blood clotting disorder which may have something to do with the recent failures. Another clinic/doctor may suggest supplements, lifestyle changes or blood tests etc which I think is really worthwhile xx

[Jam-master in reply to Nenad]

Thanks for the advice! I hadn’t considered a second opinion for some reason, I know the other clinic near us is a lot more expensive than the one I’m using but worth considering, thank you x

[Nenad in reply to Jam-master]

Pleasure! There’s no obligation to do the whole IVF process with them, but if they offer a more thorough investigation then you can do the tests they suggest at least. This is what I did - I did their tests and showed the blood results to my original clinic so they agreed to change my protocol accordingly, so I’m happy with this outcome for now. Haven’t done any transfers since but at least I now know that something has been getting in the way.

Just know you’re not alone - I have a 5-year-old daughter and I’m still trying to figure out this thing! Xx

[hifer]

So sorry to hear this. Such a tough journey and one I’m now on myself. Not sure I can offer any advice about exactly what to do next but getting a second opinion certainly could help. I did see your comment about your guilt though if you are unable to offer your son a sibling so I’d like to address that. I don’t think you need to feel this guilt! You love your son an extraordinary amount I’m guessing. He will thrive under your care and doesn’t ‘need’ a sibling. IF you do not have another, then think of the time, money, energy etc you can plough into the child you have. He will thank you for that. You will be able to focus solely on him so think of this in case it is the outcome because we have enough guilt in life as it is!! I say this because this will be my focus too 🙂.

Xx

[zytajones]

Hi Jam-master,

couldn't read your post and walk away without commenting.

I was also successful with my first fresh IVF attempt back in 2016 and my son just turned 6

From this round we had another 4 good quality frozen 5days blasts (2 transfers were BFN and 2 were early miscarriages). Then I had another 2 egg collections, both resulted in 4 eggs collected and 2 good quality 5 days blasts. All gave me BFN.

I suffer from severe endometriosis and extremely low egg reserve so chances to be successful are really slim. After last round we decided that we won't try again as this was taking a huge toll on my body and I hated my mood swings more then anything.

I now started to sell all my son's clothing and baby equipment and actually this is going better then I expected, it doesn't make me sad any longer. I mean, I'm still pissed that it's the universe deciding for us how big our family will be, and it's not my decision, and I hate the fact that we didn't manage to give my son a sibling, but I'm sure he will be fine, he will have a bunch of very good friends he will be able to rely on, and actually we will be able to support his life better (financially).

It's too early yet but we didn't rule out adoption/fostering yet. Time will tell.

I'm not sure what's the best decision for you. I/we were just exhausted and tired of this constant focus on IVF and being in a limbo. Now I feel like I finally get a grip on my life again

Best of luck with your decision! x

[Jam-master in reply to zytajones]

Thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate all that you’ve said. Like you, the thought of another round with the stress and mood swings and just the huge pressure I put on myself it’s just too much.

I am mini dreading the selling/giving away of things but I’m glad it wasn’t as bad for you as you thought. But like you said I’m so annoyed that the division of how big my family is going to be is out of my control. But he will have a strong circle around him and is obviously loved more than anything.

When he’s older he’ll be told of how much we tried to give him a sibling and hopefully will understand.

Thanks for your reply, I do appreciate it xx

[zytajones in reply to Jam-master]

If he really will end up as a single child, I'm sure he will understand how badly you were trying, I'm sure of that ❤️

[helodie]

I’m so sorry my dear - sending all my love xx

[Twiglet2]

aww I’m so sorry! We have hadn’t had success yet in trying for a sibling either (3 failed FETs and one failed fresh so far) I’m hopefully starting another fresh in the new year but if that doesn’t work I’m debating have one last go at it abroad for a different opinion/approach just to know I gave it my all! I would be perfectly happy as a trio so I know I could easily stop and be very happy but I am so close with my siblings I feel like our little boy deserves for me to give it as much as I can (without it impacting the quality of his life) and I think it’s the fresh round I’ve already paid for here and one abroad that would be the line financially/age/time wise for us. So I totally get wanting to give it your everything but also that you may have your own line when your think ‘I did what I could and now it’s time to focus on the family I have’ 🤗 for me I need a week or so after a failed transfer to work through that and see clearly if I can/should keep going personally. Sending you hugs today 🤗💛 xx

[Jam-master]

Thanks, it’s just so tough, and deciding on that line of now it’s time to focus on the amazing family I’ve got, is a hard one. It may be a long struggle xx