In the same boat

[Bozo_the_pumpkin]

Loads of pregnant people have valuable insights into this journey as they have been through it. It would be a crying shame to lose all of that knowledge and suppport by excluding people simply because they have reached the stage which we all aspire to. Before my success, I really looked forward to the Bfp notifications and updates which sometimes were from people that I’ve known on this forum for years. It gave me hope because I could see that it was possible to get there. This is a very difficult journey and we need to be sensitive and mindful of others and I agree that questions about labour are inappropriate for this forum and that it could be very upsetting to read.

Not sure if I am referring to the same labour post but the one I read was from a lady that sounded really worried and distressed and it’s easy to make a mistake which you would never make under other circumstances. I think it was a genuine mistake from her side. I am really sorry her post was upsetting. Thisforum has been the salvation for many and the IVF journey is not complete until you have a life birth. If the worst happens then you’ll tumble down right back to the beginning.. something that has happened to many of us.

I am rambling but what I want to say is that it is a shame to hear that some who have been a massive support throughout my journey are leaving the forum and won’t be hear to support me if I should need it in the future or others that come after me. I hope my post does not upset or offend anyone. Good wishes and baby dust

[Redsequin]

Hello Bozo. Hope you are well!

I think there is “successful ivf” board for people who are pregnant post infertility struggles, so I imagine it will have lots of the amazing ladies who started out on here supporting one another through all the worries that accompany an IVF pregnancy.

I do agree that it would be so sad to lose the invaluable insights of those who’ve been through the journey and found success, and I hope you all stick around! I believe the objection is more to do with people posting questions about pregnancy, like advice for morning sickness or going through labour without sufficient warnings. I can understand why some people feel that prevents this forum from being a safe space, even though those posting clearly don’t mean to hurt anyone. For many, this forum is the only place they can feel protected from those kind of triggers.

Xxx

[Fudge1980]

Sending loads of love to you Bozo 💗 I hope your doing ok xx

[Bozo_the_pumpkin in reply to Fudge1980]

You too Fudge. Hope all is well with you

[JoyfulStar]

Thank you for putting an alternative point of view on this topic💕One thing I have realised since I joined is that many people are at different stages in this journey emotionally and we all have to be so sensitive to that.

I think people should feel safe enough to say how they feel and for a debate/ discussion to start without us all going to extremes. I am in agreement with you, so many women have been successful and have so much to give. I really hope that those women really reconsider and stay on this forum. I think both posts came from a place of pain and we just really need to be supportive of each other and be understanding.

I honestly believe that support and celebrations can continue with minor adjustments to keep everyone happy. Diane has already made a few suggestions which I think is a happy compromise for those of us further along in the journey.

[hoping2021]

I agree with everything you have articulated.

[Littlepeax]

Exactly how I feel ❤ spot on and very well said. I really hope no one leaves this forum 😔

[Purpledoggy]

Perhaps I am misunderstanding, but I don't think asking ladies not to post here about their later pregnancy woes is the same as asking them to leave the forum or never post again. There are lots of us further on in/finished with our IVF journey that still check in regularly to offer advice where we can without posting original questions on this forum specifically. I may get slated for this but I find it rather selfish that if you are asked not to post your later pregnancy woes on a(n) (in)fertility forum that you automatially up sticks and leave altogether. I massively valued the input of the successful ladies when I was struggling so I see it as only right to pay it back, even when not asking your own questions. As lots have said already, we are all on this shitty ride together xx

[Redsequin in reply to Purpledoggy]

Yes, I really like to think asking people to be sensitive about what they're posting isn't the same as asking them to pack and up and leave, never to return again! Everyone on here is amazing, and I'd be so sad if those successful just left. But though I personally enjoy the updates, I also think it's totally acceptable for those struggling to ask if the late pregnancy/labour questions might be posted elsewhere or with a warning.

[Fudge1980 in reply to Purpledoggy]

I think what we are trying to say is….. We fully agree with it was very insensitive and distressful. Our feelings aren’t towards that.

Our feelings now come from many of the other comments made about what triggers others.

In no way would we want to upset any other women going through this journey. We have been there, I am still there even with a BFP.

I hope this is coming across in the right way.

I am so cautious with what I say but now I do feel guilty that anything I may have posted or said has left anybody in distress.

I will help where I can but I will no longer share anything else.

Honestly I adore this forum and all of the ladies in it.

This is the first time I’ve seen a disruption in here and it’s made me quite sad 😔

Let’s get back to supporting each other and lifting each other up 💗🙌🏼

[Purpledoggy in reply to Fudge1980]

100% agree, which is why I find it sad/weird anyone would actually leave altogether. I have seen similar unrest on here before and I don't think it is ever intended to be a witch hunt against an individual. xx

[Redsequin in reply to Fudge1980]

Hello lovely! I hope you are well.

Yes, I hope I understand both points of view, and I don't think anyone should feel guilty for what they've posted so far, even if it has accidentally upset someone. I think this is just such an emotional topic, and it's natural everyone will feel a little bit differently about it!

I imagine with Diane's new guidelines in place, everything will calm down. Then hopefully everyone can move forward supporting and lifting one another up—like you say. I hope so! I really love everyone here and this forum means a lot to me.

Hugs xxx

[Jess1981 in reply to Purpledoggy]

I absolutely agree with you. I think what the original poster was saying has been taken out of context. It is not the same as posting BFPs scans and birth announcements all with a warning. In my opinion it is deeply inappropriate to post pregnancy and birth related queries here ( after the early weeks) There are many pregnancy forums to post on ( sometimes you have to wait for a reply mums are busy!) but I have found NCT really knowledgeable, useful and supportive. I wouldn't dream of posting on here about that. Everyone is on a different stage and facing a difficult journey- it's not easy being pregnant after infertility and any miscarriages but it's also not easy when TTC or facing treatment where there are no guarantee of success. I think there has to be a fine balance and respect of other people's journeys/feelings. The original poster of the labour post didn't even apologise I find that very unkind to the ladies that were upset by her post. I think it's best admin decide a list of rules to keep everyone happy no one should have to leave but everyone will have different opinions on this! . It is a fine delicate balance. Xx

[Jjleo in reply to Jess1981]

I think she didn't apologise because she was probably too preoccupied with the fact she was in labour! I do feel for the poor woman, yes she posted on the wrong forum but where is your compassion as a mother? You've been in that position it is terrifying. As I stated on the other post surely if she had family or friends to rely on she would have gone to them first rather than post to strangers, maybe she did not have anyone. I understand why people are upset and it's a sensitive subject but I really feel for her with the comments I can imagine how alone she must of felt and some people were so self absorbed in their own feeling to even be kind

[Jess1981 in reply to Jjleo]

You’re entitled to your opinion and I’m entitled to mine, Let the admin resolve this.

[Bozo_the_pumpkin in reply to Jjleo]

I absolutely agree with you. I think we all fundamentally agree that this is not the forum to post questions about labour, etc but A bit of compassion and understanding goes a long way….. this is what we want from our family, colleagues and friends for ourselves as well. AI remember correctly, she was in distress at the time …she was not just idly posting.

[Shireen1]

Completely agree. The poster was clearly in distress. I don’t think anyone but doctors/nurses there would have a right answer for her but she turned to forum she received support from before. I know it can be very triggering for some but we should all have in mind that every single one of us is going through some kind of struggle and try to be a bit nicer. Having said that, do not leave, there is fertility - pregnancy forum where I feel a bit more comfortable to post now as I don’t want to cause pain to anyone. I am cheering for your baby and would not want to miss updates on your progress!

[XOXO13]

You’re absolutely right to share this opinion. When I was in the thick of it, I would look to positive stories to bring hope to my own journey and they really did… we all need a bit of that. I made a comment on the other ladies thread to explain that whilst I don’t at all think the other lady made the labour comment from a place of maliciousness, I can understand why that may have caused distressed to some. There was a time for example that scan pictures caused me upset due to my own personal situation, however that doesn’t mean that people shouldn’t post pictures. Everyone has every right to share whatever they want from their journey with good intentions, and I know it is so wonderful to hear success stories. I’ve been successful and I love visiting this forum and cheering others on because I genuinely think this is a shit journey to be riding and I want nothing but the best for anyone who comes across this forum. So if I can help in any way by responding to people, then I absolutely will. I just watch out for what I post I.e., I probably wouldn’t post a question about breastfeeding, I’d put that in the NCT group but I may post something on this group about the arrival of my babies along with my story if I felt it would give hope to others who have faced similar.

Anyway, as I said on the other thread, we just need to be kind to one another and keep cheering one another on xx

[Zebedee1971]

Well said. I stick around even after having success because I want to help others who need advice with nk cells and immune issues. I have had 4 or 5 message me privately who have taken my advice and gone on to get pregnant. I agree a labour question is insensitive and that this isn't the right place for it, but it's important to remember that posts like that are not meant to be hurtful or intended to be malicious xx

[Emmanev1]

I'm currently 10 weeks pregnant and I will post the rest of my journey to help if anyone has the same issue in the future hopefully my journey will help, its like reading a book and the last chapter been ripped out seeing the best bit the happy ending not guessing it. ill be honest I knew nothing before joining here and really wish I'd seen more. I have had implant failure, miscarriage and success (for now). I've no friends doing this non of my family know about it. Its been hard trying to get support and understanding. So this was all I had. I've made friends here stalked other people's journeys when in the trenches as you say gives you hope the next time it could be you