Dear ladies, I really dont like to keep talking about this coz its the most painful topic, but I cant think clear and I need your hep more than ever... 😪
Today the hospital confirmed there is no heartbeat and the told me my options (natural miscarriage, medicated or d&c)...
Can you please share any good or bad experience with any of them? I really struggle with the situation and I just cant see which way to go... I am so scared... 😪
I’m so sorry for your loss 💔 I’ve been there too, and know there’s not much I can say that will help you through it. It’s just utter heartache that you learn to process with time. I had a D&C as I didn’t want to suffer an further complications and had read some people do when they wait for the pregnancy to pass naturally. For me, it meant that I could put the physical side behind me and focus on healing mentally as well. Sending big hugs xx
Thank you for your reply... I am sorry you had to go through this... Yes, its only time what can make it easier, I dont think there is anything else...
I am just a bit scared as i have read a lot about d&c and they can cause a damage with it which can effect future fertility (that I could never forgive myself) and the procedure itself sounds horrible... 😪
I didn’t have any short term or lasting damage. It was a fairly simple procedure and I was put to sleep to have it done. Others may have experienced different but personally for me, it was the right thing.
See what others say and take your time to make a decision. Xxxx
I'm very sorry to hear your news. I have experienced a recent loss myself at nearly 15 weeks, under very different circumstances.
In my case I personally opted for surgical management. I knew I didn't want medical as I thought I would find it too distressing. Other people choose differently and the reasons for doing so are very unique to each person and what I would advise are words I have heard recently is to pick the option which seems "the least worst". None are options you want as you wanted your baby but think about which seems "the least worst".
Hugs
Xx
I am really sorry for your loss... 😔And thank you for your reply... What you said is very true and really helpful putting it into words like that...
How are you coping?
Hi, I have ups and downs but am getting by day by day. Thanks for asking.
Each way of managing comes with small risks, in my case I have experienced one of these however I believe that is because mine was more than 12 weeks along.
I can see from your update further down you now have the opportunity to speak to another doctor. I would encourage you to make a list of your concerns and questions beforehand so you can feel more equipped to make your decision. Whichever way you go you will be okay, its the grief which may take a little longer but we're all thinking of you xx
Thank you, yes I already have a list and called them this morning to aks them over the phone but the lady said its better to go in and ask them in person plus they can give me some painkillers in case it happens over the weekend...Thank you for you support, it means a lot... ❤
I am so sorry 💕 I waited for the process to resolve itself naturally. I waited about 1.5 weeks for it to start. The wait for me was not too bad as all the urgency that I felt before the scan was gone. I preferred the natural option as it meant I did not have to spend any more time at the hospital and could hide at home with my partner and deal with my grief privately.
Thank you... I am so sorry you had to go through this... One moment I think natural is the best way, than I get scared and think can I cope with it like that?
How did you cope?
To be honest, I had a massive glass of wine.. The physical pain was intense .. but I coped with it ok.. . I was not offered a D&C but I can definitely see the benefits.. but with hindsight I would probably chose the same course of action again or perhaps a medicated mc to speed things along.
It’s not easy and I am so sorry. Thinking of you .. big hugs xx
So sorry for your loss. I have had four d&cs after miscarriages because I just wanted them over physically so I could start to get my head around things. I didn’t want to go through a miscarriage physically and wanted to start moving on straight away x
Bless you... Losing a baby is the cruelest thing anybody can ever go through...I am so sorry you had to experience it so many times... I really admire your strengh... ❤
Every time I think I have made a decision I get worried and start rethink it all over again... I have to wait now until monday I am so hoping nature will decide for me over the weekend... 😔
I am so sorry - I have also been there. I would recommend a D&C too. It’s painless and the risk is tiny. Many women have a natural or medicated miscarriage and actually need a D&C anyway. I would also join the miscarriage association private Facebook page for advise…..it really helped me x
Thank you very much for your advice...And I am so sorry for your loss...
I read it can get really painful after the d&c and bleed heavily is that not always the case?
I didn’t have any pain at all and hardly any bleeding after mine x
Thats is different, anything i have read was quite the opposite...Its a bit more comforting thank you... ❤
I also had no pain and hardly any bleeding. I was very relieved to have the D&C because I couldn’t bear the emotional and physical pain (and waiting) of doing it naturally. Also, my doctor said when you are medically induced it can be very painful x
Is it? More than naturally??? Is it because you speed up the procedure?
With a D&C you are asleep….you don’t feel anything. If you wait naturally, it can be quite painful. Also, the wait can be agony as you are unsure when it will happen x
I also had D&C and no pain and little bleeding afterwards. It gave me the closure I needed at the time, I was in and out in around 6 hours total. They gave me a box to take away and bury and a certificate to commemorate them. I don’t think it caused me any lasting damage, I’m now finally pregnant again after 3 years trying again. I’m so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this ❤️
Thank you for sharing... I am sorry for your loss and congrstulations for your pregnancy... ❤I wish you a beautiful journey with it!
Hi. I’m so sorry that you find yourself in this horrible position. When we found out we’d had a MMC at 9 weeks it seemed from the measurements that the baby’s heart had stopped over a week prior but my body didn’t seem to get it. So I was concerned about his long it might take if I waited for it to pass naturally (as it turned out we had to wait a further week for an appointment and still nothing had happened so I was glad not to have gone with natural), At the time I was concerned about potential scarring (already having some issues with my uterus I didn’t want to risk adding any more). So I opted for medical management. In hindsight I found the process quite prolonged and pretty traumatic and so if I were to be faced with that decision again I’d definitely go for surgical management just to get it over with quickly, without me being conscious of what’s going on. To be honest it is just a really shitty decision with unfortunately no desirable options and so I think you just have to try and weigh it up and go with what feels best for you personally, as everybody is different. Sending love and hugs and wishing you the best for whatever you decide lovely 💞 xx
Thank you for sharing... I am sorry for what you have been through...I am so scared to choose any of it, I am going to wait until monday and just hope nature will do what it needs to do by then so I dont have to make the decision... 😔
It is a really difficult decision. I remember going back and fourth for ages changing my mind. Just go with your gut if you can lovely. Really hoping it happens naturally soon for you. Take care xxx
Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. We were told at an early scan in the summer that our baby had no heartbeat and it was either a slow implanter or it has stopped developing. Prior to that I had no signs of miscarriage. The wait for the second scan to confirm was just utter hell. I didn’t have any bleeding despite stopping the cyclogest. When we were referred to the hospital I opted for drugs, I knew I couldn’t face waiting for things to happen naturally and my consultant had advised to try and avoid the surgery because of potential scaring. The staff at the hospital were fantastic. So sensitive and reassuring when we felt like our world had fallen apart. I took the tablets the next day and within an hour they worked. The pain was very intense and made me vomit, it was scary more so because I didn’t know what to expect. I bled heavily for about a day but the pain subsided after an hour or so. The hospital called me over the weekend so make sure I was ok as I could be
Hopefully the hospital have given you information on each option to help you make a decision. Take care xx
Thank you for sharing... I am sorry for your pain and loss...Unfortunately my experience in the hospital wasnt as pleasant as your when it came to the staff... 😔
The sonographer was a very lovely woman and very caring but the nurses and the doctor was really blunt...
The doctor hardly given me any information and was presenting me the options like he was telling me todays menu to choose from... 😔
So I didnt get too much information thats why I am so confused and finding it difficult to decide... 😔
I am just so scared I am going to make the wrong decision...
Hi,I am so very sorry you are having to experience this. It's a shit situation and decision to go though.
I have to say I waited 2 weeks and my body still didn't catch up and the emotional stress of having morning sickness was too much so had the medical management. Can't describe how horrendously painful it was plus I had complications and ended up in a&e needing morphine and a d&c anyway. Would love to be more positive but I wish I'd been prepared more for how long it all took and physically painful it was so my advice is take the time off work, take the drugs they offer and be kind to yourself and get someone to take care of you. You need a lot of love and support and you will get through this. Promise. Sending hugs xxx
Thank you for sharing your story I am soo sorry you had to go through the worst possible senario... 😪❤
So sorry for what you're going through. It's so traumatic. I chose to have the d&c after my mmc just because I'd heard that medical management often ended in a d&c anyway and could be very painful. I found out at 6+5, confirmed at 7+5 and didn't have the d&c til 11+1 so I gave my body time to do Its thing but it tried to hold on to the pregnancy but the d&c was the best choice for me and I had no pain after the surgery and recovery was quick. Sending you hugs x
Thank you very much for your reply... and I am so sorry too you had to go through this... 😔It does seem like d&c is the most popular option and so far I havent heard anybody saying anything negative about it after they had it done so thats very comforting...
So sorry you are going through this. I had a MVA last year to remove pregnancy tissue that didn't come out naturally. They do the procedure while awake. The procedure itself wasn't that bad but I was vomitting and in a lot of pain afterwards. I would advise against it. X
Thank you for sharing... I am so sorry you had to go through this too and in a bad way... 😔I think my doctor said they dont do that in my hospital, but when i read about it, it sounded brutal being awake... 😔
Very sorry for your loss. Only people who have been through this can understand the pain. Lots of people replied already but I thought I would add one more experience if that helps you make the right decision for you.
My first early miscarriage was natural. The worst part lasted a few hours and became so painful that I ended up in emergency for pain management and to see what’s happening because I though what had happened 2 days prior was already it. By the time they took me in, it was over. Unfortunately, the process was not complete and I kept bleeding with no pain for another 2-3 weeks because of a tiny piece of tissue that stayed behind. Lots of appointments and scans during this time to see how I was progressing. Ended up in D&C anyway because my body did not manage to finish the process on its own.
Second time around, my body did not pick my baby had past for 3 weeks. I went for D&C this time as soon as possible. I needed to move on. Having my baby still inside me was mentally very hard. It still took my body about 4 months to reset after the procedure. Had I waited, it could have been longer.
Thank you very much for sharing, I appreciate every single reply as all of them are really great help which I really need right now... ❤I am so sorry for your losses and the pain you had to go through, its the worst thing can happen to anybody... 😔
And yes you are right, I always thought what a hero every lady who goes through this even before it happened to me but I never thought you can get soo attached to your baby already which made me realise that this is a 1000x harder than I thought before it happened to me... 😔
Hi there I had two miscarriages. One with d&c and one by MVA due to Covid. The MVA was brutal. Never again. D&C all the way!
Also it's the worst thing I've ever been through. I am so very sorry you are going through it Xx
Thank you, I am so sorry too you had to go through this... It is the worst thing ever in every level...Thank you for your story i think i feel a bit more confident about d&c but will still give the weekend to decide...
So sorry for your loss, I have had 4 miscarriages, 1 naturally and 3 with medication, but if I was in the situation again I would opt for a D&C. I found it very upsetting and the pain was very bad. I'm sure you will make the right decision for you x
Thank you for sharing and so sorry for your losses... Its all really scary whatever we choose, but it seems like d&c is not as terrible as i first thought but need to think a bit more...
So sorry for you. Not sure how far along you were but for me at 12weeks I suffered a natural miscarriage and was in motion by the time I was scanned. It was extremely harrowing and painful beyond any prescription painkillers. Had I been given a choice I probably would have asked for a medical removal. That said I didn’t suffer any complications with a natural MC and everything returned to normal fairly quickly. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for your reply and sorry for your loss and your pain...Yes thats the thing about natural, but as lots of ladies said you can still end up with d&c... so tough to choose... 😔
I agree - this was such a hard decision. I always chose to wait for nature to take its course. I did have scans every week to make sure nothing was going wrong too. I think any option is what is right for the person. It's all sooooo emotional. Believe in what you choose is right for you. Sending you energy to make a decision between such rubbish choices.
Thank you very much, I really need all the lovely energy and strengh I can get...I am sorry for your loss...
Hi MagicTourmaline, I'm so sorry to hear you got the confirmation you were dreading to get. I'm sorry for your loss. Many have commented here already but I'll add my bit briefly. I had 3 missed misscarriages and went for D&C every time as that is what was recommended, mostly because either natural or medicated could have resulted in tissue being left inside and so I'd have needed a D&C anyway. Also it was explained to me that my body may not miscarry naturally for weeks and medicated could be very painful. I figured I was in enough emotional pain already and once I knew the baby was gone I was eager to have the tissue removed asap so that I could start to heal, emotionally more than physically as I never had complications after the D&Cs. I was under full anesthetic and didn't bleed that much after the procedures, some cramping but nothing more than a regular period and very manageable. My period returned within 5-6 weeks and then my cycles were normal again. I didn't have any major complications falling pregnant again after having a D&C and my problems now are due to age as I'm 43, going on 44 soon. Whatever you decide take care of yourself, losing a baby like this is such an awful thing to experience.
So sorry for your loss. This happened to me too. I opted for medical management as by the time I had had the second NHS scan a week later to ensure they were right and that the baby hadn't grown and was still measuring what they said a week ago it had been at least 2 weeks since he/she stopped growing and my body obviously was showing no signs of miscarrying naturally (I was still suffering terrible morning sickness despite the fact there was no heartbeat). Also I didn't want to cut down my time for trying again by waiting to see if it might happen naturally especially as I was 43. I therefore opted for medical management as I was scared about the minor risks associated with surgery. Sadly although I took the tablets and had a heavy period-like bleed, I did not pass the baby and the bleeding stopped. I called EGU who brought me back in for a scan and confirmed the baby was still there measuring the same as before and no heartbeat. They advised me to have th ERPC surgery which they did for me on the Monday (I went back in to see them on the Friday) and it was quick and painless under general anaesthetic and I had no real complications. They were also able to test the baby's remains and I had the option of requesting them for burial if I wanted to. If it happens to me again I will go straight to have an ERPC as I am clearly one of the 1% who medical management doesn't work for. All the best at this very hard time. I hope hearing my story helps in some way with making the choices you have to make which are so hard. You can also join Tommy's Baby Loss Support Group where people are very supportive and have been through similar things.
Thank you very much for sharing your story... I am really grateful and yes it does help...I am sorry for your loss, its horrible enough to go through it all without any complications but complications make things so much harder...
I am sorry you had to go through it all...
You're welcome. I hope you make the right choice for you. I've not been able to get pregnant since then, most likely because of my age. But I am still glad I at least tried to opt for the faster route back to being able to try again and having read what some people experienced naturally or using the medication, I'm glad I had the surgery. All the best with your difficult decision and your mental recovery afterwards. Take as much time as you need and don't rush back to work would be my top tip too. Xx
I am so sorry for your losses... Its the most horrible thing to go through...Thank you for sharing, I am sooo happy so many of you shared, it really means a lot to me... It really helps as it does seem like nobody had any problems with d&c but more likely had problems with all the others... I will be still scared if I end up going down that route but at least ypu ladies gave me a bit of confidence and a bit of peace of mind that none of you had any complications with that...
I dont know what I would do without all of you lovely ladies... ❤
I’m so sorry for your loss snd sending u all my love.
I also had our loss at 10 weeks and had to make the choice which I thought was so difficult and was so anxious and worried. Decided on MVA Howevre I was awake they wouldn’t put me to sleep so it wasn’t a good experience for me.
I then developed an infection and then was told everything was fine. 10 weeks later after 4 scans they just notified I was still carrying. It was absolutely heartbreaking I then had to go in for a hysterectomy.
So looking back I would have went for the tablets now. As going through the surgery there was no guarantee. I feel I was just as anxious as U are now and was told the surgery was best option but in my case it didn’t work. Tablets may have been better but u never know 😔
Maybe speak to them and see if they can put u to sleep for the surgery? If this will help ur anxiety at least?
I really hope ur ok and sending love xxx
I am so sorry what you have been through not just with the loss but with all the complications... 😔❤I think there are 2 differents surgeries, 1 is MVA where they dont put you to sleep and the D&C which most of the ladies had is where they do put you asleep... not sure if there is much difference in the procedure itself tho...
After a bad experience with the doctor yesterday i talked to a nurse today and she said i can go in today for a chat with a different doctor so i can ask everything i need to know...
I’m so sorry for what you are going through no woman should have to go through this pain… I am sorry to be bothering you with these questions… I am trying to understand what went wrong as I am 9 weeks pregnant with twins and I am so terrified….
Dont be terrified... I am not too sure exactly what happened but we had a bad egg collection when out of 14 embryos only 1 survived which implanted but maybe wasnt strong enough to go all the way to the end... Please stay positive, lots of things happen to some people and not to others...
I wish you a great success and a beautiful journey with your twins... ❤
Thank you so much for responding…thank you for your words of comfort …. Again I am so sorry for your loss….I will keep you in my prayers may God give you the strength you need to keep going, and I used donor eggs as I didn’t have no more eggs the doctor said
Thank you... ❤
Firstly, sorry for your loss.
I recently had a MMC and waited a week and a bit for things to happen naturally, which they did, but slowly. Then opted to move to medical management (tablets&pessaries). Think I was unlucky as a week later I still had 'retained products', so then opted for a MVA (D&C). On the day of surgery was told the products had moved lower down and were about to pass, so I opted to wait. A week later was 'done'! Took bloody weeks, literally (sorry, my humour).
I think all in all if it happens again, I'll opt for an MVA at the outset. As it was, it felt long and drawn out and mentally I was ahead of the physical side, and I just wanted it done so I could move on properly.
Wishing you luck and an easy time, whichever option you opt to go with.
Hugs xx
I am sorry you had to go through that... And thank you very much for your reply and sharing your story...
Wish you to recover quickly and great success for the future! ❤
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