Feeling Upset over something that some woman might be in same situation

[anonmous23]

Hi Ladies

Late at night and just feeling so hurt and upset Me and husband been trying for over 7 years TTC had 3 failed attempts and looking to do DE in new year. Anyway for the last 4 to 5 months we have hardly had sex which has never happened in our marriage we are still very close touchy feely flirt alot still but just don't have sex. When I raised the topic he just said whats the point as we both not been able to have a child naturally. He has low sperm and feels down anyway and My AMH is practically nil. Anyway he admitted he masturbate every 3 weeks or so and it really hurts and upset me that he won't sleep with me but can do that. I know the whole world does it but it really made me feel unwanted and he doesn't understand. Had anyone else experienced stuff or am I the only one. Just feel so down and unwanted at the moment.

[Beclp]

Hey x I’m sorry things are so tough for you atm. I would definitely feel the same if I was in that position.TTC and ivf definitely take the fun out of love making.

Relationships go through different phases and at least he is being honest with you about it.

I’m sure most people do it but your needs and feelings need to be addressed also.

Hopefully it’s just a season for you guys and things get back on track for you 💕

[Mazzath1]

Infertility is a massive stress to your sex life. We find sex became a reminder of our issues. Become very difficult for both of us.does get better once tge stress is gone xxx

[Hoping20]

Hello, I read your post and really do understand. Similar to you, been TTC for over 7 years and have had 3 IVF egg collections. Infertility and IVF really does put a strain on marriage and relationships. Both of you are hurting and grieving right now. When you feel a bit stronger, try to speak to your husband about how you are feeling. My husband and I have grown apart at times and he has similarly said in the past “what’s the point in trying naturally if we can’t conceive”. It’s a very hard and lonely place. What’s helped our situation a little and brought us closer is doing things as a couple again - try to make plans for the weekend which you both can enjoy. A bike ride, a nice country walk, a couples massage, a fancy dinner out...just little things where you can bond again and feel closer and hopefully with time the intimacy will return. Take care xx

[Sunshine809]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I think your husband needs a reminder that sex isn't just about making a baby, it's about the intimacy. Could you maybe have a weekend away, ban baby talk, dress up, go out and remind yourselves of why you fell in love?

My husband and I fell into that same situation and the pressure on him was immense and I felt disappointed when he didn't ejaculate properly as the sex had been a 'waste of time'. It was horrible for both of us. I saw him doing a physical job at home with his shirt off one day and it reminded me of how much I fancy him and triggered really fantastic, spontaneous sex because we both wanted it rather than doing it out of duty.

Sorry if that's TMI 🙈

I really hope you manage to turn things around xx

[Hidden]

I think this is a lot more common than you think. We have been TTC for a similar amount of time, had 6 IVFs and numerous miscarriages. We got into the habit of making sure we had sex during 'fertile time' just in case and I ended up resenting him if he didn't perform/was too tired etc but equally sometimes it was the LAST thing I wanted to do. It basically pretty much ruined our sex life as we forced ourselves to get at it 5 days month and the rest of the time lost all sense of fun and spontaneity. I think generally relationships do go a bit like that anyway but I agree with some of the others, when the stress is removed and the dust has settled you may well find you just gradually get back into a bit more of a routine again of 'fun' sex rather than 'reproductive' sex.

I can understand why you are hurt as your husband didn't exactly use the best words to say what he had to say but I also would say if he is only masturbating once every 3 weeks it sounds like his general interest in sex has maybe waned or he has a low sex drive in which case its less about you and more about him finding his mojo again. So don't blame yourself. My OH and I have got our sex life back on track to an extent but he still will 'sort himself out' a few times a week anyway. He always says its actually nothing to do with sex its almost a mechanical thing that just needs doing. So I wouldn't always equate masturbation as a replacement for sex with you, sometimes its just an itch that needs to be scratched! Maybe like the others have said try to woo him again? Hugs and good luck xx

[Millbanks in reply to Hidden]

Always so wise Daisy xx

[Hidden in reply to Millbanks]

Millbanks wish I was as good at giving myself advice!! 😂

[minnesota_girl in reply to Hidden]

lol, age old issue!

[Millbanks in reply to Hidden]

Haha - I'm with you there!! xx

[anonmous23]

Hi everyone So sorry for not responding, I have done nothing but read the advice given again and again. I can't thank you ladies so much for all the effort and advice given to me. Its so helpful.

I am going abroad next year march to maybe start DE. Not feeling that hopeful but still going anyway.

In terms of me and my husband situation we only have done twice since posting my ad which is awful. He just doesn't get it. I'm sure he still masturbates for his own pleasure and nothing I can do about it. I didn't reply as nothing new to update but I have taken on board all the advice and it's spot on. I love you all for all love and support always. ❤