We may not have been doing IVF for that long compared to others, we started in April ‘21. But having had one failed and two chemicals back to back I thought I was doing ok. Now I’ve started bleeding with this most recent chemical I’ve never felt so low or hopeless.
I’ve managed to get through work but just break down when I get home. The shift in hormones is torturing me and I can’t help but feel completely at a loss. So full of grief and despair at the situation.
We’ll probably have to start from scratch, does anyone know if all the IVF drugs will have made my egg quality even worse? And how long after a chemical pregnancy can you have an egg retrieval?
I just feel that maybe at my age (38 next month) we should just call it quits, prepare to be childless, save the money and pray for a miracle. I wish there was a way to say whether a woman’s eggs are viable or not, IVF is a whole lot of torture if the eggs are never going to produce a healthy baby.
Sorry for the depressing post, I had to write this down x x x
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Char2383
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I think it’s probably the wrong time to be making big decisions about what to do next when you’re still grieving your most recent chemical. It sounds like you’ve had a pretty intense few months, maybe take a break and reevaluate? It is such a physically and emotionally draining thing to go through so be kind to yourself. Wishing you luck whatever you decide to do next xxx
So sorry to hear your news. Remember how you are feeling is perfectly normal. Have some time to grieve and then speak to your clinic. Remember lots of people don't get blastocysts to freeze so go through lots of fresh cycles, so I can't see why this would affect egg quality personally. I would imagine you would need to have 'normal' period before starting a new cycle; that is certainly my experience. Don't give up. You are strong!
Thank you very much, that really helps ❤️ Yes I’m allowing myself to grieve now after pretending all week at work that I’m ok.. Thanks again for your kindness Xx
Please don't give up!It usually takes multiple attempts. My case was mmc-failed fet-chemical-baby. It is financially draining,for me that's the worst part because you scrimp and save and deny yourself all those things that are supposed to help you relax and forget about infertility,like meals out or holidays etc,but please don't despair. All the best!
Ok this is long, apologies, I just thought we sounded like we're in a similar situation:
I'm so sorry you've gone through this and about how you're feeling. The hope and expectation - let alone the physical effort - we put into this process means the downs are pretty crushing (that's before you consider the insane amount of hormones you've been on and will still be causing havoc with your emotions).
I've just turned 37. I did a fresh round on the NHS earlier this year, that ended in a chemical and that was a huge shock as I naively thought we'd cracked it and this whole process was over. I've since gone private (NHS delays were too much, even for a FET with our frosties), had another round and fresh transfer which again ended in a chemical. However I am now over 7 weeks from my first FET. It may not last but so far so good.
So purely from my experience: the two rounds didn't seem to make any difference to egg quality - the protocols were the same and my second round we got 100% fertilization and all bar one was good enough to freeze, whereas first round we got more eggs but poor fertilization (this could have been a male factor issue btw, as my husband's sample on the first round was rubbish and consultant said even a simple cold three months before was enough to do that - would have been good to know in advance... ). Things fail even if the blastocysts are good - our embryologist waxed lyrical about the first embryo we transferred and it still didn't last, it may have been down to my hormones, my body not in great shape after a fresh round etc, or just one of those things. I was able to do a round almost straight after my first chemical - that was a way for me to cope as it gave me something to work towards and take my mind of the grief. But that won't be right for everyone.
As others have said, now may not be the best time to make big decisions and maybe you need a little time (even to let the hormones settle). It's such an individual thing - my friend did one round, had one failed transfer and that was enough for her and she's now pretty far along the adoption route, and very happy with her decision. If this one hadn't or doesn't work for us, my husband would probably like us to stop as he feels our lives are on hold and he can see the physical and mental effects, not to mention the costs and what this means for us long term. But then some women on here have been through many many rounds and finally got their happiness.
I really feel for what you're going through and balancing work with all this is hard. Maybe see if your clinic can suggest any more tests or investigations to see if there's something they think may be influencing the outcome - or just to rule things out - and consider if you want to do those before deciding on another round or not. Maybe also look at counselling to rationalize all this and help with coping strategies - I've been far too proud and grumpy for that but others of a nicer disposition have found it very useful
I’m exactly where you are plus an additional miscarriage of what I would call our first proper and only pregnancy that went to 7 weeksI’m angry, lost and just over it if I’m honest, I don’t think my issues are salavageable by IVF I think there’s a problem with my lining and IVF won’t cure that
It’s depressing, and I’m with your husband on this one
But ironically my husband is the one who wants to keep going and I’d just rather stop, call it, adopt, choose a different life for ourselves and just get the hell on with it
Im currently 34 and if I end up being 46 and pregnant so be it I’m beyond caring and would rather just get on with my life
But then on the other hand deep down I know I prob want the same as my husband and this is just my protective mechanisms coming out
It’s a deeply personal journey, and im just allowing myself to just be for now and that seems to help
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Each day I am grateful that everything's still ok but then i'm also anxious as I get more attached to the idea of being pregnant. And the thought of starting over and going through all this again... How nice would it be to be like the majority of women who are just thrilled they're expecting and don't have these thoughts, or at least not as often. My husband helpfully suggested that my worrying could be having a negative impact on the baby by flooding it with stress hormones - well that made me even more worried (and very angry) so if this little one makes it and is an anxious little ball of anger, he can deal with the tantrums - mine and theirs!
I understand how you’re feeling. I’ve had two failed Ivf treatments and I don’t know if I want to do this again. The hormones take a toll on the body not to mention the mental and emotional stress as well. I’m 45 so you being 38 still seems very young to me. My belief is that you have time so don’t let that stop you. My suggestions are: have you thought of donor eggs? Perhaps speak with a fertility psychologist? But above all, take this time to take care of you. The first time I did Ivf, I treated myself as if I was pregnant already and was devastated when I got the negative result. Second time I took it better. Aside from no alcohol, I lived normally and hoped for the best but expected the worst. Your body really is a temple. Take a brief time off from all this to heal. Take the time to appreciate the good things in your life. It’s the only thing that got me by the second time around. Lean on your support system. One day you’ll wake up with fresh eyes and know what to do.
Hi, I am also feeling blimmin low at the mo. Our situation is horrid too and taking a toll on our marriage, arguing and upset all the time and the job and career which I’ve worked my whole life for. I’m just burnt out. Had my 39th birthday last week so any gaps in between IvF feel like a waste of valuable time but I realised I’m going to break unless I give myself a couple of months off. We have had 2 failed ICSI IVF cycles: 1 NHS in 2019 before we knew any detail on our probs other than we used ICSI because of husband’s sperm morphology and 1 privately using IMSI last month. I weirdly had a miracle pregnancy and miscarriage the same week I found out during covid. My husband had high DNA fragmentation, was treated for a varicosele earlier this year and has been on antioxidants for a year. In July his repeat sperm frag tests showed massive improvement so we had that second round I mentioned but it failed in exactly the same way as the first round did. I am 38. We retrieved 10 eggs, 9 viable and 6 fertilised (same as last time other than 1 more embryo) embryos but they start degrading v quickly and all arrest before making it to the transfer stage. The docs are saying they can’t pin point why it didn’t work this time as the sperm they got using IMSI was grade 1 so we should roll dice again next month but we are pretty terrified just the same thing will happen again. I can’t get my head around why doing exactly the same thing again will result in a different outcome? I guess the phrase the doc used in our last debrief said it all: ‘you can roll the dice again.’ It is about probability over a few attempts. My sister gave birth same day as we found out this had failed in same way as lat time, even after the huge hopes we had with husband’s sperm being so improved. So I think the ups and downs of this whole thing and life in general haven’t helped our mood, though I am delighted for my sister and love my new niece. Just, timing heh?!
Try talking to your GP about getting some tests done. Mine was kind enough to offer me some further tests after 2 miscarriages instead of the usual 3. It brought up some blood clotting issues which are notorious for causing miscarriages. And I'm now luckily in my second trimester taking blood thinners. I "made" 18 eggs at 38 with 7 good day 5 embryos (one of which is my pregnancy) after a completely failed IVF round when none of my 12 eggs made it to day 5 embryos. Don't lose hope. It's a cruel game of hidden health issues, probabilities and luck. ❤
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low AMH = low quality?
Blood clotting and loss - low prothrombin time 
Natural IVF & Low AMH
Egg collection Friday, 2nd time lucky?
Low AMH and high Fsh 
