Another pregnancy announcement today and yet more tears of asking why is it not me?
This time it’s a family member who was always adamant she didn’t want children. How is that fair?!?!
Life with infertility really sucks. Everywhere you go it’s all you hear about. Yesterday at my nieces 2nd birthday party my sisters mil (who is very aware of our fertility struggles) decided to tell me that her friends daughter was currently in labour. Did I need to know that?? I don’t know the friend or the person in labour so why is that a conversation that you want to start with a woman who is desperate to be a mum and can’t be?!?!
At least in lockdown I didn’t have to be around anyone. Now I’m going to be invited to baby showers and I just want to close myself off in a bubble and tel everyone to leave me alone.
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L400ynd
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Oh I’m so sorry!! I know exactly how you feel and many many others on here will too.
5 of my friends all got pregnant within the space of 6 months which has had an awful affect on me. I have had 2 ectopics, a miscarriage and have just done my 5th transfer.
I was bleeding with my first ectopic (I wasn’t aware of the diagnosis at that point) when I went to meet my 2nd niece.
You are so strong and so brave. People not going through IVF have no idea of the challenges.
You have to prioritise you. I’d avoid the baby showers. Thinking of you xx
Thanks lovely. I appreciate you reaching out. I hate thinking other women are feeling like this as well. Life is so unfair. Why can’t the women who want to be mums and would be good mums just have their little miracle and all the arseholes who are more interested in shooting up than their baby be the infertile ones. I’m so sorry you’ve had such a hard time. I can’t even begin to imagine how tough that’s been for you.
Yeh I’m not going to baby showers. It’s too much. I need to think of my own health. We are now the only ones in the family who don’t have children. Feel like a total black sheep and a failure. I know it’s not my fault but I can’t help it sometimes.
Sending you love and thank you for your words. It means so much. Xxxx
Oh I feel the same. And you certainly aren’t alone feeling like this. Infertility doesn’t define you and you are so much more that that. This process is such a gut wrenching horrendous thing which attacks our self esteem, just try to be as gentle on yourself as possible. You deserve kindness xxxx
It’s easier said then done, because I can’t even watch TV programmes about babies/new borns, I can’t even stomach adverts about kids stuff!!
I think everyone on this forum will feel your pain!
The only thing I can say is this treatment makes you a lot more guarded then someone who conceived naturally, we are more aware dare I say it as to what can go wrong!!
Don’t worry about what anyone else is doing - have the attitude who actually really cares!! (Because I am a direct person I would probably actually say that as well)
What your doing is the most important thing to you, no one else!!
And as for baby showers - I have no interest in them either, they are an unnecessary event that quite frankly I’d rather have an early night or read a good book
Thank you lovely. I think it was a little easier (dare I say it) when I was actually going through the ivf cos I could always tell myself it will work and I’ll get there. Now we’ve made the decision no more ivf it’s just bloody harder cos now I know it’s not happening and I just had to deal with everyone and their dog getting pregnant around me except me. 🙈😂. I worry that sometimes I’ll burst and just be like I don’t want to hear about your pregnancy shut up!!! 🙈😩😩😩. I’ve never been a bitter jealous person and I hate that this is making me this way. Xxx
Oh dear. Some days these announcements just seem to be everywhere. Please don’t go to a baby shower if it’s too much for you. Protect your heart from further pain. Do what you need to do to keep going on the ivf journey . I’m surrounded in work by baby chat as a colleagues sister just had a baby .... two weeks after what would have been my own due date 😩 trust me, I get it.
Do what you need to do and cut off conversations that push ya down a hole of pain .
I could literally hug you right now. I know exactly what you mean. I just got a message from a friend of a friend asking me to guess if they are team blue or team pink. Honestly at this precise moment I don’t give a shit if your team green with purple spots 🤦♀️ I just know there’s a baby shower invite on route thank goodness covid means u can’t go to these things just now. And I definitely can’t bear the thought of going baby shopping for any kind of gift ... I’m not sure I could pick up a baby grow and buy it without howling! Keep your chin up I hope your ok. You are not alone xxx
I think some of your post completely highlights my point about people who conceive naturally, I really think they are completely out of touch!
I appreciate people get excited but I feel they are too quick to make announcements organise baby stuff, parties or whatever the like and don’t think about the bigger picture!
When on this forums a lot of ladies have suffered heartache or struggles of varying degrees!
I’m currently 11 weeks + 6. Desperate to make it to 12 weeks in one piece, and nervous about my scan on Thursday just hoping all is okay!!
If it is🤞- I’m not going to announce it on places like Facebook like I’ve seen others do! Firstly I think, that’s brave do you know how many more hurdles you need to jump through and secondly I think it’s really insensitive as you didn’t necessarily know what’s happening with others
Keeping everything crossed for you. ❤️❤️. I made the decision if I was ever lucky enough I would only tell immediate family until at least 20 weeks and nothing was going on social media. As I said, my sister lost one of her twins and we were terrified my niece wasn’t going to make it. My dad died 6 weeks before she was born so again we were all terrified the grief could cause something bad to happen but she’s 2 tomorrow and she’s my everything. ❤️❤️❤️ Xxx
Yep I get you! Well I had to go shopping for babygrows and stuff last week for my new baby niece who was born on the 7th. It was so hard but I told myself I was ok because it was my niece and I’ll love her the way I love my other niece cos she’s the absolute light of my life. Altho that’s my sisters baby who was a miracle ivf. My sister was pregnant with twins and lost one so my niece is just our everything. The new one is my husbands side and she’s gorgeous and I love her but it’s not the same. That’s bloody awful to admit that but it’s true. Sending you so much love and luck. Xxxx
It’s okay to feel like that!! My brothers 2 kids I don’t really have any connection with at all! It wouldn’t bother me if I never saw them again, sad to say really but I can’t stand my sister in law and she really ruined all that for our side of the family when they were babies!! Thank god my brothers now finally seen sense and left her!! The kids are now 16 and 14
My sisters kids are great, and we looked after my niece when she was a new born as my sister was unwell. So we have a great connection with them!
I had a very good friend of mine sent me her 20 week scan and invited me to her baby shower. She knows I had a miscarriage and she was a few weeks behind me. She’s not even asked me how I am. I have told her we are doing IVF. Some people are just selfish or don’t understand what us ladies have to go through.
I know it’s hard but try to stay positive. You need to put yourself first, so don’t feel like you need to go to any baby showers. Hope you are okay. Sending a virtual hug! X
Oh god love. That sounds awful! People honestly don’t think. I just don’t get it. It’s like really!?!?! You are that wrapped up in your own life you don’t realise how bloody insensitive you are being??? I must admit my sister in law only showed me pics when I asked. She was very sensitive to what we were going through. Text me everyday on the last cycle to see how I was. I wish everyone could think like that. I’m so sorry to hear you had a miscarriage. That would be my worst nightmare. Can’t even begin to imagine how you feel. Sending you so much love xxxx
I know!!! I’ve been pretty open to all my friends about IVF. I am luckily that a handful really care and check up on me. I told them what happened and they pretty much reacted like you. I think I read a comment here that was along the lines of people who conceive naturally just have no idea. Luckily for me I’m strong minded most of the time but things like this can really break someone. Unfortunately we are at the age where everyone is getting pregnant. Just never thought we would be in this position. Just means we will love our babies even more when they come! 💜 Hope it all works out for you. Your time will come, lovely! Xx
How insensitive and like you said just selfish. I've received those and I am like why on earth would I want to see your scan! Especially if you had a miscarriage so close. I too had a miscarriage after a cycle and it's something I thought I could never overcome but I did and onto the next cycles now. Wishing you all the best in your journey xx
I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I agree it does get easier with each try but the sting is always there. Hope it works out for you on your next try! Xx
I totally get how you feel. A friend messaged me on Friday afternoon to say she was pregnant & didn’t realise as is already nearly 3 months. It’s taken a while & she was having investigations so I am happy for her but I still cried most of the night.
I had had my 1st transfer 2 days before.
Wish I had some useful advice to give. I get mad with myself that I get upset at every announcement but at the same time this is the most difficult thing to deal with & every day you ask when it will be your turn.
Sending you hugs. I guess we all don’t like getting upset but we have to be kind to ourselves and realise we are not robots. It’s going to affect us. Xx
I second eveything here... i just feel like emigrating to another country where nobody has access to me! Literally secretly planning it in my head. Then another thought comes to my head, my inlaws will turn up to stress the hell out of me!!!
The one i hate is when people casually just say, why dont u adopt or foster.... dont get me started.
The only time my heart feels with true joy is when women on here give me the good news that they have finally made it. I pray we all overcome this test of life and get there very soon.
Just saw this and yes, literally the worst thing anyone can say. People on here suggest it all the time too, or suggest donor eggs, and for some that just isn't an option. For me, I was never broody until I met my other half- I want his children, our children, not someone else's. I'm full of admiration for people who go down this route but not everyone wants to adopt or go down the adoption /donor route.
I remember my (not yet but soon to be) mother in law casually mentioning that a cousin of my other half's had had a baby. I just ignored it, pretended I didn't hear, and changed the conversation. It's the assumption that you'll be pleased for the person. Even my mum would mention celebrities who'd had ivf babies and I just didn't want to know.
Whatever you do, don't give up. No one is completely infertile- miracles can happen x
Don’t get me started on the adoption route either, it’s been mentioned to me a few times including during a counselling session with my sister as she donated her eggs to us in our final round (which I appreciate is not for everyone)
I just kicked off, couldn’t think of anything worse
I know exactly how you feel! I’ve just had another cousin fall pregnant without even trying and I’ve had 5 years of this stupid life. I am struggling to motivate myself and even feel like I have a purpose in life. I know how you feel and today has been difficult for me and seeing your words just made me realise that there are also women struggling just like me.
It’s heartbreaking that there are so many women like us. It’s so unfair. My therapist has recommended a book to me called living the unexpected life. I’m trying it to see if I can find a purpose. So far I’m putting al my energy into my marriage. I love my hubby to bits and our 5 years married have been taken over by trying to have a baby. I just want to try and enjoy our life together. Some days are better than others. Then comes the hard days. Always reach out if you are struggling. The girls on here are very supportive and make you realise your feelings are normal and completely justified. Sending love xxxx
Hi there, you are not moaning and you definitely don’t need to apologise. This journey is so incredibly hard, so please try to be kind to yourself. A pregnancy announcement is always going to be difficult to hear and process. Especially if they are a close friend or family member. It’s such a trigger and really does play with your emotions. I hope you have some support around you during the extra difficult times. Try to be kind to yourself. Thinking of you today x
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