Today I am heartbroken 💔. On February the 2nd I had a FET (donor egg!) to create a sibling for our beautiful 3 year old daughter.
At our six week scan we were astonished to learn that the egg had split and we had two tiny babies with flickering heart beats. Once we had peeled ourselves off the floor we were overjoyed and felt so blessed to have not one but two babies to look forward to.
Today our world came crashing down as we were told that one baby had no heartbeat and had passed away at approximately 8 weeks. The remaining baby was active and feisty but I feel so sad.
I feel fearful for the little one that is left and so guilty that one twin has died.
Has anyone been in this situation? The sonographer was woefully lacking in empathy and covid makes everything feel so cold. I know that I should be grateful that we are still pregnant but I cannot shake my anxiety.
Written by
SillyCluck
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Thank you! I think she wanted to focus on the live baby... I don’t really know ...it was weird like she didn’t know what to say but” I am so sorry”would have been better and maybe she could have asked if we were ok before discharging us from the clinic . I know I am extremely lucky to still have one baby so I will concentrate on the positive your reply is lovely big hugs to you too xx
I’m so sorry to hear this. I also lost one twin. I had two embryos transferred and both implanted. At week 7 we saw two heartbeats flickering away, at the next scan there was only one. Our baby 2 had passed away around 8 weeks, but the other was still strong. My sonographer was also tactless and did not know how to comfort me. She left the room basically while I was crying my eyes out. For awhile, I was emotionally disconnected from the baby that was alive and well because I didn’t know how to grieve for baby 2 and still be there emotionally for baby 1 at the same time. But also, I think I was protecting myself because I was scared something would happen to baby 1. I booked a few private scans for reassurance but the anxiety was always there. But I’m 29 weeks now, and although I still have waves of sadness, I’m better emotionally and able to bond with baby 1. It’s not a journey anyone should go through, and I’m sorry that you have to experience this. Thinking of you xx
That is exactly how I feel. I want to light candles drink wine and cry! It feels like I dreamt the other healthy baby although my boobs and waistline tell me otherwise! I no longer feel excited just scared and sad. Thank you for replying I am just reaching out for any reassurance I can get you have given me hope and I hope and pray that everything continues to go well for you and your little baby... xxx
This happened to me. I had two embryos transferred and lost one around 8 weeks. They referred to it as a vanishing twin. I was sad like you and took time to grieve. But then turned my focus on the one still there. He is now a wonderful 2 year old boy!
During the pregnancy I did bleed up until around 15 weeks ( I think) so I didn’t think much on what I had lost. It made me focus on what I had. Today I sometimes think what might have been but so grateful for what I have.
I am so sorry to hear this, I had 2 embryos transferred and they both grew, sadly there was only 1 heartbeat at 8 weeks and the other had stopped growing a few days before. I was devastated at the scan and I couldn't understand why my husband wasn't feeling the same. He later explained that he was over the moon about the baby that was still alive and that is where his focus needed to be. It took me about a week to get my head around it, we bought a tree and named the baby.
This definitely helped me, we were also told of the vanishing twin, and thankfully we didn't need to have him/her removed. The doctor says the baby will just be absorbed into me or the other baby (sorry for the non-medical terms). I too was so worried about the baby still growing inside of me, but the doctors assured me the success rates were high, but it still was always on my mind. I think that only really went away when I started to feel him which was about 16 weeks.
When my healthy son was born he had a birth mark on the back of his thigh and my husband turned to me and said that is baby Jammy (this is a mix of mine, my husband and my cat's name and this is how we refer to the baby we lost) so now every time I look at my son's birthmark I think of the baby we lost and I have to smile. I think people just find ways to deal with it and how to remember that works for them. I still think about baby Jammy all the time and that will never go away. I hope things get easier for you as time goes on and all the best for the rest of your pregnancy xxx
I'm so sorry to hear this and that you had such a horrible experience with the sonographer. I had that too with my only pregnancy so far but it wasn't twins just one baby where I found out at 8 week scan baby had died at 7 weeks 5 days. She was extremely cold as she told me. She even asked if I had had a cold or something as she said that could have caused my baby to Die (something my GP was v angry to hear I had been told as it is just not true). The scan ended and there was no room for us to go and grieve in. We ended up standing crying and hugging in the very public area at the bottom of the stairs. I totally understand your worries about the twin who is still alive and I hope and pray you have a good pregnancy and not feel too anxious and sad about everything and that you find a way to honour your heavenly baby as well as the one you will get to meet soon xx
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sometimes one is stronger than the other. Hoping for you the feisty one is in your arms soon!
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