I had a BPF 9 days ago following my second FET with DE. The first FET resulted in a miscarriage at around 8 weeks following a “warning bleed” (that’s what the doctor called it) at around this very time.
I find myself paying attention to every little niggle and twinge. I’m not down in the dumps or anything and I get on with life. But I definitely notice the anxiety increasing with each day. How do you ladies get through this fear? It seems there are so many hurdles and I’m not sure if there will ever be a time when we can relax and feel like all will be ok. Anybody else have this? X
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Lillilly
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Hi Lillilly, I don’t have any words of advice for you unfortunately but I feel exactly the same as you.. after 3 miscarriages I am now 5 weeks 4 days and I am honestly making myself sick with anxiety. I’m analysing absolutely everything and cannot stay away from google despite the fact I know it doesn’t hold the answers and it’s not healthy! I just wanted to let you know you are not alone xx
Hey Mini, hope you’re ok and you’re coping with the anxiety. I know what you mean about the analysing. It was driving me mad, so I forced myself to stop and it’s sort of worked....for now. Xx
Hey. I’m ok, I’m a bit like you actually.. I’ve tried to stay away and just trust my body. I also downloaded the ‘Expectful’ app (meditation) which I think has definately helped. I hope you are keeping alright xx
Hi Lillilly, I am the same it is hard. Having had an early MC it's so difficult to feel reassured that all is as should be. I don't want to be anxious, and want to enjoy this so I have limited my testing. When I feel no symptoms I start worrying. I find trying to find a distraction and going into a meditation to clear my mind helps. The other thing I end up doing is shrugging my shoulders and accepting that there is very little that can be done now anyway, it's not in our hands so we just have to hope baby keeps growing. You are def not alone, such a fragile journey xx
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this too. But bravo for the meditation and shoulder shrugging. I tried mediation a few times but just found myself overthinking even more. Clearly not doing it right. But adopting an adjusted perspective has definitely helped. Or maybe it’s just bridging the gap between now and when something else happens. Not sure. Hope you’re ok xxx
It's not easy, I've been meditating and following some mantras for quite some time so it's easy to let go in that space now. But it's def difficult. I've watched some great guilty pleasures like Schitts Creek and married at first sight Aus. I had never watched any of those before but i totally forget about signs when I'm I'm watching. I had light pale pink spotting last night when i wiped once/twice and then it was gone. I've adjusted my fears to thinking if it increases or gets darker then i will worry so it is taking each step slowly and learning your way through. I tried walking yesterday, i can usually do 2-3 hour walks with no tiredness. Now a 15 min walk and I'm beginning to wane, so i know that means something is happening. Good luck, it's so hard xxx
Hi Lillilly, congrats on your pregnancy! I’m so pleased for you 😍🍀🤞🏻I think anxiety unfortunately is ‘normal’ for us IVF warriors, we got through so many hurdles, pain and tears that’s difficult to believe ITS REALLY HAPPENING! Every pregnancy is different, a loss doesn’t mean there will be another loss....believe me, I’m battling with negative thoughts too every day and I don’t ever think I’ll relax until my baby is in my arms.Having said that, life goes on...my advice is take it day by day, breathing deeply whenever you hit a milestone, looking after yourself the best way you can (eat well, exercise after 12 weeks, treat yourself every now and then) ....time will eventually pass and you’ll be closer to giving birth ❤️
By each milestone reached the anxiety will reduce just a little and the belief you’ll soon have a baby grow.....also, we are of course here to support you! You’re not alone! 😃
Thank you ToughCookie! You’re bang on right with everything you’ve said. It really is one day at a time. I have my wobbly moments but each morning when I wake I up I feel gratitude that I had one more day than I ever expected with this tadpole. I’m hyper aware it could end at any moment but I’m not letting it interfere with the hope that it may also succeed. We’ve actually opted not to have an early scan and will wait until 10-12 weeks. Reason being that if there’s a problem, there’s nothing that can be done at this stage and if it’s all fine, now, it could change by week 12. So there’s no point in having the scan until then. The doctor seems to think that’s sound logic and ok with it. I certainly feel calmer, for bows Hope you’re doing ok xxx
I wish I could give you some advice but I'm afraid I am in a similar boat, just started down reg after a miscarriage last August. I think it has to be natural to worry about, I wish it wasn't so tough for you but I think it's amazing you are pregnant and I please just try and stay positive, I think that's all you can do really. It's wonderful news you are pregnant, huge congratulations. x
Hi. Pregnancy after loss is the toughest thing. I am in my second IVF pregnancy after three losses, one of which was a IVF miscarriage last October. And I can understand the anxiety which will always be there. We have to accept the fact that for people like us there will always be worries and anxieties even when we are pregnant, in fact more so. I never realised that being pregnant could also act as a trigger for trauma over my earlier losses. But we have to try to not let it overwhelm us. We tend to over analyse every little symptoms and changes and google everything and we will continue to do that but at the same time try and give yourself positive affirmations about yourself, your body, your baby. It helps to ground oneself when we feel like we are spiralling out of control with anxiety. Sending you lots of strength and prayers!
Hey Namster, I am so sorry to hear of your miscarriages. I can’t imagine the trauma. But congratulations on being pregnant again. How are you feeling? You’re absolutely right that women in our situation probably do carry more fear and anxiety. I know I won’t have the pregnancy experience friends have had, the one filled with optimism. But I also don’t want the fear to rob me of the joy and excitement. So each day I find a way to balance reality with my dreams. It’s working for the most part but then a cramp comes along and my thoughts go negative again. I don’t think it can be helped entirely but you’re right about positive affirmations and grounding oneself. Thank you xx
Hey lovely ladies, thank you all for your wonderfully supportive responses. It does help to know I’m not the only one who feels this way, though I wish none of us had to. I had to take a break from this forum and the internet generally as I realised I was driving myself bonkers with Dr Google and worrying about every symptom or lack of symptoms. I’ve kept my head down (mostly stuck in a box of chocolates 😋) and kept my mind busy. I think it’s helped and I am more relaxed now but I wanted to pop back on here to say thank you all for your words. Xxx
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