Real chances at 44?

[BettyBe]

Hi ladies,

Looking for some advice please lovely ladies 🥰 Bit of background info: I recently turned 44. We have a toddler, through ivf, which I luckily conceived at 41. All my stats are fine with no underlying issues - just age. I had one fresh cycle in autumn which failed. 16 eggs collected with icsi, we had 4 blastocysts - 2 good / 2 not so good. Fresh and frozen cycles both failed (another frozen cycle back in Feb was a mmc).

I’m currently in a fresh cycle. I guess I’m trying to ask - what are my real chances at 44 using own eggs? Am I just throwing my money and emotions away? Has anyone conceived using own eggs at 44 or should I just save my money and move straight to donor eggs? That’s my confusion - I guess my clinic thinks that if there’s a chance, no matter how small the percentage, then go ahead. I think I was quoted an 8 - 11% chance ☹️ I know it only takes a good egg. Has anyone been successful with own at 44, what are honest opinions please??

This cycle isn’t looking great with only 2 follicles growing, which is new for me. I see Monday if the rest will grow. I’m already feeling defeated but I’m wondering if it’s worth a shot or is this a shot in the dark, considering my age and previous failing? Please if someone could be honest / shed some light, I’d be very grateful. Sorry for the rambling, trying to get my thoughts into words was a task xx 🌺

[G_H_C]

Hi. While not to put a dampener on it, the stats of conceiving at 44 with your own eggs are a lot lower than 8-11%. Through ivf at almost 43, I only got one egg but now have a toddler son so miracles do happen 😊

I think you need to see how this cycle goes and 🤞 but also you have to be realistic about the chances. Donor eggs will give you much better odds but nothing is guaranteed and you’d have to be comfortable doing that.

Good luck 😊 x

[BettyBe in reply to G_H_C]

Thank you for the reply G_H_C. I thought the stats were high from our clinic compared to what I’ve read elsewhere. I think they gave me 43 year old stats, as I’ve just turned 44 😏

Thanks for the honest perspective, I think that’s what I’m looking for and opinions from experienced ladies on this site xx 🌺

[ToughCOOKIE78]

Really sorry Betty, don’t want to sound rude or anything, but your chances at 44 are really low- I would go straight to egg donation tbh! I’ve just turned 40 and after 3 failed cycles, where I got 7 embryos all together: 3 didn’t implant, 1 implanted but miscarried at 10 weeks 😢and 3 were abnormal ....I’ve decided to move onto egg donation ❤️Happy to share my experience if you like, my inbox is open! Xxxx

[BettyBe in reply to ToughCOOKIE78]

Hi ToughCookie78,Not rude at all. I’m looking for honest perspectives, thank you. I haven’t come across women at 44 with success with own eggs. I know there are lots out there but I think the odds are stacked. I guess I’m trying to put the feelers out to see what are my odds in all honesty. Wondering whether to ditch this cycle and stop being pumped full of Menopur (I was told they’re going to up it again come Monday from 375 to 450iu).

I’m getting fed up of the consultants telling me that it’s just age and all my stats are fine. My Amh is 12 and I produce eggs (although non have taken recently). I keep being told that all I need to do is keep trying, it’s a numbers game!!

I go between feeling hopeful and maybe I’ll get the miracle to the facts that my eggs are most probably fragmented and the chromosomes are abnormal 😢 xx

[ToughCOOKIE78 in reply to BettyBe]

I totally know how you feel hun, your doctor is telling you the same things as mine was telling me! I hated that...I was so tired to keep trying and trying! I do produce eggs too, and when they upped my meds to 450iu didnt make any difference as I got the same number of embryos.

Not sure what to advise re leaving the cycle you’re in (will you get the money back?) but I see lots of ladies on here that despite age keep carrying on and on and on without getting anywhere. I wouldn’t do that!

If there’s anything I can help you with let me know ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[BettyBe in reply to ToughCOOKIE78]

Thank you so much for your honesty 🌺 I haven’t paid the full sum so I guess they’ll just charge me for scans & nurse appointments.

I don’t think I can handle the meds anymore mentally and the glimmer of such slim chance. I’m also thinking that even if I’m lucky to fall pregnant, would I carry full term or risk defects? I know this is a risk for all pregnancies but greatly increased with age. I think donor might be the way forward. I think I’m just tired of it all and the disappointment. I’m worried how I’ll react if I go through this cycle fully and it’s another BFN. Thank you for your perspective. I’m grateful for the feedback and am just looking for affirmation of our thoughts and not to be whitewashed by hopeful consultants! 🌺 xx

[jengi]

It’s not an easy question to ask. You might very well be one of the lucky ones! But I’ve been there & I had to make a similar tough decision. I let my practical/rationale head take over rather than the emotional one. For me, it came down to our ages, the fact that I knew I was already in perimenopause so time wasn’t on my side, as well as the financial implications. If we threw lots of money at chasing low odds with my eggs & it continued to fail, would we be able to afford donor. Also emotionally I was exhausted at the constant bad news, I personally couldn’t handle any more, it was taking a toll on my mental health. So we moved to donor. It’s cost us £14k (excluding travel) but I’m 27 weeks pregnant. Our first transfer sadly didn’t work, but our second did with two embryos. We lost our twin between 6-9 weeks. Anyway, sorry for a long response but I hope it helps you in the decision making. It is not an easy decision, the hardest I’ve ever had to make in my life. We found implications counselling very useful. So maybe start there. Feel free to PM if you want to chat further, Good luck Xx

[BettyBe in reply to jengi]

Hi Jengi,

Thank you for your response and very sorry for your losses, that’s really tough to go through 🌺

A HUGE congratulations for your current pregnancy, that’s fantastic news!!✨💖 really happy for you. I think I’m feeling tired of the gamble of own eggs and am leaning towards pulling out of this cycle ... but a little silly voice in my head says, “why don’t you just see, this might be the one”. It’s such a rollercoaster of emotions and logic, I know with age the odds are getting less and less.

I saw you have your donor in Greece, could I ask the name of the clinic please (dm please). Another lady on here suggested one in Thessaloniki which I’ve just contacted for further info, just wondering if it’s the same.

Thank you for reaching out, really appreciated your time 💖xx

[BBHH1]

My doctors specialize in older women (> 50% are 43 or older) and they say that in older, poor-prognosis patients, again depending on age, at least 3-4 embryos must be available for transfer for these patients to be able to expect pregnancy chances in the double digits. With single or 2-embryo transfers, patients’ pregnancy chances will only be in single digits.

[BettyBe in reply to BBHH1]

Thank you for the reply. I’ve luckily had 3 to 4 - 5 day blastocysts each fresh transfer, which makes me hopeful but starting to have doubt his time with the lack of response

[Bluelady-sing in reply to BBHH1]

Which is your doctor

[Lovemylion]

Hi BettyBe. Firstly congratulations on your little boy...and that was a good number of eggs you had at 41...and you do have a good AMH for your age so I completely get your dilemma. I understand your need for a sibling.....if it's possible. I'm no medic but I'd be tempted to finish this round as your already on the drugs and then turn to donor. Depends how u feel and how it would affect your finances? What would make you feel more at peace with your decision? I do also agree with others that statistically it's gonna be a challenge and your odds are on the lower side. Its a tough one! I think you probably know what you want to do if you dig deep enough and that will always be the right decision. Wishing you masses of luck xxx

[BettyBe in reply to Lovemylion]

Thank you Lovemylion,

I think we want to go ahead with donor but like you said, it’s the dilemma of finishing this cycle and putting it to rest ... or calling it a day now and saving some money to put towards a donor cycle! I just don’t know if I’ll have that niggling voice of what if, if we finish now.

Money is a little tight from all the previous rounds and medication for husband’s sperm, which was very expensive also.

I don’t mind the honesty and not having great stats, I wanted to check other experiences as I know clinics can be generous with their stats / how they are phrased. I haven’t read of many success stories of ivf with own eggs past 44. I have read a lot of articles that realistically it’s only 2-3 ladies per clinic each year last 44 who conceive with own eggs ... maybe my sources are wrong! I just don’t know! Xx

[Lovemylion in reply to BettyBe]

It is an awful lot of money paying private but we're not left with much choice are we? I guess you gotta go with your gut. I don't think you'd have regrets either way then. Maybe write a list of pros and cons for continuing and not continuing with this round? Sometimes easier to see in on paper than to have lots of wonderings going round in the mind. Hope you achieve your rainbow through either route Xx

[BettyBe in reply to Lovemylion]

Thank you, sounds like a good idea to move forward 🌺 xx

[Cinderella5]

Hey Bettybe, I'm currently pregnant with DE twins. We've had a bit of a long journey to get where we are. Just a brief history to start....we started IVF at 38 with my OE and and AMH of 7.19. We did ok eggs wise getting around 7 to 9. Fertilisation good but only 1 or 2 made it to 5 day blastocyst. Once we'd done a couple of cycles we asked the consultant what our chances of success were and to be blunt....he said around 5%. We really felt like we would be throwing money away knowing it's also a numbers game and throwing the amount of euploid embryos we'd get at my age into the mix too. I'm not gonna lie, it was hard to move onto DE but deep down I knew it was right for us financially and statistically. Our cycles went really well however we discovered other issues along the way so it's taken us a few transfers to get here. I'm really not the nest example for DE success but most the other ladies I have cycled with had success on 1st or 2nd go. We travelled to Athens for treatment and have no regrets for that, our coordinator was great and our embryos were amazing quality.I know you are looking for honesty and I hate to say it but I think with your current cycle and only having 2 follicles I think it sounds like it would be worth switching to DE as you'd probably get to where you want to be sooner than with your OE. If you want to chat, feel free to PM me or ask any questions on here.xx

[BettyBe in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you Cinderella5,

Congratulations on your twins!! So so happy for you. I have followed your journey for a while 🌺🥰 xx

I think you’re all right, I think DE is the way forward. Just wondering whether to finish this cycle but it’s money, as Lovemylion echoed, and times are tough. I’d have to pay for more menopur, as they’ll up my dose, and maybe take longer until egg collection. Then the procedure, icsi and culture.

Thank you all so much for the responses. I’ve felt negative about this fresh cycle recently and have only felt positive when thinking about DE. I hope you don’t mind me asking some questions at some point about DE! Thank you so much 🌺 xx

[Cinderella5 in reply to BettyBe]

Thank you!!🤗🥰 I think if your chances are resting on 2 follicles then my sensible head tells me to stop and take steps to move towards DE. However that is very much easier said than done and sometimes the heart rules the head. I have absolutely no regrets of moving to donor egg, I know if we hadnt we would have no money and still be childless. There are no guarantees but I'm a massive stats fan and that's what swung it for me! You can contact me anytime. Good luck.xx

[BettyBe in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you! I guess Monday will seal it for me and see if anything else has grown. I’ve got 2 big follicles and the rest are still all tiny. I think you’re right about stats, even if the rest do grow ... it’s still very unlikely. I guess I’m holding on to “what if this time I’m lucky”.

I guess after 5 years on this journey, it’s difficult to know when to stop / change paths. I’m a little nervous and will need to speak to a counsellor about the questions I have and how it sits with us mentally. I fee a bit excited again after all the kind responses I’ve had on this site.

Thank you for your reply and I hope your twins are nice and cosy! Much appreciated 🥰xx

[Bluelady-sing]

Your lucky had at least one, I am 44 with none I have been told 4% chance

[BettyBe in reply to Bluelady-sing]

Hopefully your will be lucky soon Bluelady-sing. I know we are very lucky and very thankful for our little boy, it’s why we want a second one so much 🌺xx

[Hidden]

I am 43, I’ve managed to get pregnant 7 times in the last 5 years 2 via IVF and 5 naturally. But lost all of them. I’ve got a great AMH for my age and I have continued because I do manage to get pregnant and there are so many good news stories of hope on here

After a chemical on my sixth fresh round it’s really hit home that there are always the lucky person stories but what we rarely hear about is the people who aren’t the lucky one. They are the forgotten ones. I think it bodes well for you as you have conceived before and had a baby, different for me as I am childless - I’ve realised even with a good AMH and unexplained infertility basically the realistic conclusion is sh!t old eggs - so donor is the realistic option no matter how tempting it is to just try one more time

I think it’s fair enough to see how this round goes .. but I also think we all need to be realistic that as much as we (I) have lived on hope via this forum the reality is we aren’t child bearing age anymore. Again you may be the lucky one so if I were you I would finish this round and then think again if it doesn’t work (which it might!!)

Sorry if this post is too negative, I’ve kind of come off this site because there was so much positivity it was almost unrealistic at times if you see what I mean, I guess most people need it I had just got to a point where it wasn’t helping

Huge hugs and masses of luck xx

[BettyBe in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Daisy1245,

Not negative at all and totally understand how you feel. I guess when I’ve had bad news, I didn’t want to share it and bring others down but I’d read similar posts and responses and learn through others. I’m happy for all the success stories and wondered when I’d get to post some good news of my own, sounds silly out loud.

I don’t have any chances of conceiving naturally as my husbands sperm is non existent without medication, which is how we started this ivf journey when I was 39. Now we have great frozen sperm but now I’m too old! We had a lot of delays with an endocrinologist who spent over a year testing out theories on him, when the answer was on our referral letter 😡

On my last scan my sonographer mentioned that if it’s only 2 follicles Monday and the rest haven’t grown, why not try naturally? I guess she didn’t read the sperm profile.

Also, if I was miraculously lucky enough to get pregnant now at 44, would I spend the whole time frightened that something would go wrong or would be wrong with the baby? I think this is the last try with OE, if we decide to finish it. It’s £7k to go through with it, that could pay for a donor cycle abroad.

Do you mind me asking what are your plans in the future? Will you keep trying with OE?

Sending you lots of luck back 😉🌺 xx