3 tests later a clear bfn

[FandF2020]

A couple of days ago I posted that the pregnancy test I used was blank. Well I’ve taken another clear blue one and it was blank too so I bought a frer and tested today and it’s negative. It hit me like a tonne of bricks and I wasn’t expecting it to. I assumed it would be negative because they usually are, but I just couldn’t stop crying uncontrollably.

Now my mind is racing because my husbands test came back normal so the best case scenario is that mine don’t otherwise we’re looking at unexplained infertility which to me sounds daunting. We’ve talked a lot about these tests and quite honestly I’m at the point where I might ask the doctor for the pill after them and stop ttc altogether. I hate the person I am now, I unfollow anyone on social media with children or who announces a pregnancy. I’m so bitter and miserable all the time. This will be our third Christmas that we’ve been ttc, the first we were naive saying we will have a baby by next year the second the opposite of naive but still hopeful. This Christmas I have zero hope.

Sorry for the rant I just need to vent.

[LizzieBW]

Hi FandF,

How you're feeling is such a rough place to be. Feeling lost, without any firm answers is completely natural and understandable. New diagnosis will hard to process no matter the outcome because someone is telling you something is still "wrong" but once you & your Hubby have official answers, this might give you a new focus and new mental energy.

For now, allow yourself to do what YOU need, no-one else. Then once you have all the answers you need from your tests, you can both come together & refocus.

This is our 5th Christmas trying with no baby to show for our emotional or physical efforts. At each stage we've discovered something slightly different that changes the direction of our journey but the end goal has remained the same and with each step, we are/you are that bit closer to your tiny human.

Lots of love & luck to you xx

[Mai94]

Hello f&f ,

I just want to stop and say I’m sorry things are so hard right now. Take the time you need to process things and I echo LizzieBW in saying you must do what is right for you!

Every step is progressive even when it seems it is not! Do not hate the person you are because that person is being tested in many ways. Different things work for each of us but I started having counselling and I have actually taken a break from social media and found both of these changes really useful.

I wish you all the best 💋

[Alwaysbelieving]

I could have written your post myself in terms of this being our 4th Christmas and thinking the year before ‘this will hopefully be our last Christmas just the two of us’ and find Christmas so hard knowing another year has passed unsuccessfully. My partners tests came back fine and so did mine so we are classed as unexplained fertility. Ivf was cancelled for us in April but starting again on the 18th of this month. I’m due on on Sunday and the signs are here that it’s arriving. I was hoping this would be our time and we wouldn’t need to go to that appointment but it won’t be the case. Sorry to make this about me, I guess I just wanted to to know that I know a little of how you are feeling. It’s so unfair but the positive stories on here really help and give so much hope. Really hope things turn around for you and it happens for you very soon. Lots of love and be kind to yourself xxx

[SalenaJaques]

Hello, I 100% understand how you are feeling. This will be our 4th Christmas with no baby we are longing for. Like you, the first year we were sure we would have a bundle in our arms the following year. It’s ok to feel the way you do! Everyone around me thinks I’m coping fine but deep down, I’m not.

Hopefully these feelings you have won’t be forever; life has to turn around at some point xx

[Mybelle1]

Ladies I didn’t want to read and run. I could 100% relate to this post. Burying my feelings and making out I was okay when I really wasn’t. It’s a treacherous journey but good things do happen, please stay strong. Xx