Where next???.... period came D9p5dt ... day before test! Totally devastated!
This is our 2nd cycle of ICSI; got 6 eggs, 5 fertile, 3 day 3 embryos and only 1 transferable. None to freeze. The feeling of loss, heart break and sadness is just overwhelming. Waiting now to 5th August for our review with clinic. I’m 39 on Tuesday and don’t know if we should even try again or not.
Just looking for some guidance, help, peace from the pain we are in.
Thank you
Xxxx
I'm so sorry to hear about your failed cycles Jozie. I was in a similar position to you at 39. We got around 7 to 9 eggs in our collections and only managed to get 2 to transfer then 1 to transfer. It is heartbreaking wondering where to turn next. Those were NHS cycles and when we moved to private we decided to try donor eggs to up our chances of success as our NHS consultant said we only had a 5% chance of another cycle working. It was a really difficult decision but if it meant we could be a family and massive improve out chances we were willing to try. I'm not saying that this is for everyone but it may be worth considering in future. We got so many more 5 day blastocysts with DE. Hugs.xx
Thank you so much for replying.
Did you have success with DE? It is something we have talked about. We know I’m not going to get many eggs, and probably none to freeze so it’s a fresh round for us every time. Our first treading was NHS then we went private. We are in NI so only get one NHS chance.
It is such a difficult decision and there are so many question s that comes with DE’s. I just don’t think it’ll happen naturally and do we go another round of ICSI knowing it’s 5% chance??
Thank you so much for sharing xxxx
We havent yet unfortunately but that is more down to my nightmare body. What I can say is a lot of the ladies that started out with DE around the same time as me have their babies now. There is never any guarantees of course but 5% vs over 50% chance is too good to ignore!! We just decided that the money for one fresh cycle just wasnt worth it to get one embryo. And the massive bonus is no egg collection with DE. I'm happy to help if you have anymore questions etc?xxx
Awe thank you xx
Yes for me the % is like you say too good to ignore. I will probably only get the same eggs and again that is such a big chance. My worry now is why it didn’t implant; would the same happen with DE’s. But then we will have FE which we wouldn’t have with mine?
It’s all still so fresh and I’m just still so sad and unsure of how I’m feeling.
Thank you so much for sharing with me and your advice. It’s just so hard xx
Yes, I do believe you need time to grieve. Have a good blow out and generally just reward yourself for getting through what you have so far, have some wine, take away, cry....etc. to be honest when you only have one embryo to transfer, the likely hood of it being chromosomally normal (euploid) at our age is pretty low which may account for no implantation. I'm not saying it cant happen but slim chances. Take a little time out, see what the clinic days and like I said if you have any questions then I'm happy to answer.xxx
Thank you so much xoxo it’s so good having someone to talk to who understands. I don’t alway feel like everyone gets it.
The DE idea is something again we need to talk about. My family aren’t as understanding of the whole thing! I don’t think they see it as ‘mine!’ ... hurts that the support isn’t always there! So many things to consider!
But for now I’ve some time to just get over this one x
You only have to tell them what you want to?! Its really nobody's business apart from you and your partner. Do whatever makes you feel ok for how and when you are ready you can go from there!xx
I agree, me and hubby have discussed the possibility of using DE if my eggs keep failing. I dont think I would tell anyone to be honest. It would be my baby regardless and that's all they would need to know!
I don’t think we would either. I feel exactly the same. To have a baby grow inside you and give birth .. it would be mine xx
Thank you xx I think your are totally right x
Hi Jozie,
I am so sorry to hear your sad news and can imagine the heartbreak after getting so far again.
It's still raw so totally agree with Cinderella about taking time to grieve and process and think about what's best for you.
I'm almost 39 and just got my BFN from the NHS ivf - also only get one round and also only got 1 embryo this round so nothing to freeze. So sad after all the injections and what we put our bodies through physically and emotionally. We've considered DE and come to the same conclusions about chances but also this silly thought that if it does work and how to respond if people say 'she really looks like you' when that can't be the case. I know it sounds so shallow and sure if it did work just the joy of having a baby that I carried would mean the world. I guess it's just changing our mindset from what we thought our lives would look like if that makes sense. Although my mum also suggested asking my sister for her eggs which brings with it many other issues!
Anyway sorry I just wanted to say I feel so much for you and there are many of us going through similar thoughts and it's what's right for you that matters. Take the time before the appt and hope you can have some fun with your partner before whatever comes next.
Take care xx
Thank you so much for the reply and your thoughts xx I’m so sorry you have had to go through what you have been through. It is such a hard process and brutal. We are left with so many Questions and wonders .... the why’s never get answered.
We had talked about the anonymous vs the known and we both agree anonymous ED would be for us. I do get the whole ‘she looks like you’ but over the fact you have carried her and kept her safe all those months outstays that for me. My head is all over the place and only time will help me to see what’s next I suppose.
Thank you again and I hope you are ok x
Thank you, really appreciate that. Totally agree the not getting answers is so tough but anywhere you can get control over the decisions and the next steps always calms me so hope you can make a new plan soon. All the best to you both xx
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