After 2 cycles of IVF and 3 transfers we welcomed my son into the world 2019. Sorry if that is difficult for some to read- I remember how that feels.
I am a teacher and at times it felt like my job was getting in the way of treatment.
Are there any teachers out there who went through fertility treatment and felt the same? Did/do your school have an IVF policy? If not, what would you have liked to have seen in the policy?
I'd really like to raise awareness around the lack of understanding and empathy in schools and would like to hear from teachers who have experienced a negative reception from their headteachers/ line managers whilst going through fertility treatment.
Many thanks
F x
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I was very lucky in that my school did have a fertility treatment policy after a previous head had been particularly awful to somebody going through IVF. I was allowed time for all appointments and time for egg collection, recovery etc. My head was extremely understanding and actually let me have from egg collection to a few days after transfer off. She also let me take off testing days which I know she didn’t have to do and I am so grateful for.
They were also very supportive when I was finding things difficult with 3 failed rounds in one academic year. Even with all this support though I still found teaching very difficult and stressful, my mental health suffered and teaching still got in the way of my treatment. I felt like a complete failure for being out of the classroom so much and not being able to give the children my all like I usually would. It was so hard to come back from appointments mid lesson and just jump in acting like everything was normal and trying to be my usual self around the children. I actually left teaching for my final round and am now 37 weeks pregnant!
Congratulations on your pregnancy- I'm so glad it has worked out for you after 3 failed rounds. That must have been a horrible year and one that will no doubt stay with you.
It's sad to read that even with an IVF policy in place you still struggled with the feeling of failure. Returning to the classroom and jumping into performance mode is hard- especially when the children ask where you have been.
What more do you think the school could have done to better accommodate you during treatment?
I think the feeling of failure is unfortunately the nature of the job. We always feel we could be doing more no matter what. I was teaching year 2 and one of my rounds was right on top of SATS, I got OHSS and I really didn’t want to let anyone down yet felt like I constantly did. That feeling didn’t come from management though it was totally all internal so I really don’t know what else could have been done to support me.
I think working in an all female environment, someone was always pregnant, colleagues were always cooing over/ talking about babies. School just became a very unhappy place for me. I really cannot imagine going through fertility treatments with unsupportive management too and I think I absolutely would have signed myself off sick if that was the case.
After my positive test in November I started supply teaching in December and was working full time but on a supply basis in a wonderful school in January. It was so nice to be pregnant and people not know my history and also feel like I could be the old teaching me. Unfortunately due to covid I got sent home in March just before school closure and have furloughed ever since. I expect I will return to teaching again properly at some point. Perhaps sept 2021 but we shall see!
I am a teacher and went through a round of IVF at the start of this year. My school do not have an IVF policy and appointments are treated as “normal” hospital appointments.
My experience wasn’t pleasant. I was asked to try and get appointments out with working hours which was impossible. Basically the time I needed off was going to be disruptive and I was told that. I can see it from both sides, I can.
While going through this personally, I was also having a tough experience in school with regards to violence in the classroom. So between the IVF, classroom and feeling like my IVF was a nuisance and an inconvenience, my doctor signed me of during treatment.
The guilt of being signed off hasn’t left me and I felt so selfish for doing so as I know my appointment times were a pain in the bum. However, I had to remind myself what did I want more? My job or a family. My teaching colleagues were simply amazing. Their support was amazing. They reminded while I love my job and working with children, my life and family are more important. I ended up speaking to my union rep who was amazing also! (Her kids were IVF) She got me support from Human Resources.
For me all I wanted was support, understanding and a little empathy. Our job can be hard enough without juggling the emotional and physical effects of IVF!
My IVF journey was short. Fresh transfer cancelled due to OHSS. FET cancelled due to COVID. BUT somehow we got a natural miracle and I am 17 weeks pregnant. My perspective has totally changed.
Thank you for your reply and congratulations on your pregnancy! Lockdown worked out well for you!
You're so right it can be hard enough and with a SLT who aren't prepared to support you it seems you were left with little alternative other than to sign off from work.
If you don't mind please can I ask:
Did you return to work after treatment?
How were SLT with you after this period?
What support did HR offer?
Was pay taken from you for the appointments you did attend before you were signed off?
I ask the final question as I know some Heads don't pay their staff as sadly it is at their discretion!
It was my colleague who took me to the doctor and for my mental well-being I think it was the right decision. I’m a sucker for sticking at something. I never ask for help until I crack. This was an example of me trying to cope with too much and then admitting that! I’m stubborn and a perfectionist so that was hard!
I returned to work after treatment. With support from my union.
Most staff have been great. Although, I feel things have changed. I don’t know if I’m being paranoid.
HR were aware of my circumstances. Supported my decision to not be at work until treatment was complete. A meeting was arranged to support me but was cancelled due to COVID.
It’s not just schools that should have a policy every workplace should these days
My company was about to bring a policy in before Covid but it’s now been delayed - they were proposing up to 5 days additional leave for fertility treatment per cycle up to a maximum of 3 cycles per year and they were also talking about a discreet buddy system to put you in touch with other employees who had gone through IVF if you needed to talk to someone
What frustrates me is....this journey is not a choice we would have all chosen.
Fertility is an emotional and physical rollercoaster but in my experience, it’s always just passed off as something we have chosen to do.
People who have never experienced the pain of craving a family or the daily experience of injecting yourself will never truly understand how it feels. All this while continuing life as normal. It’s tough!!!!!!
I just wish there was most empathy and understanding for all workers.
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