I'm aware many people on here will have been trying to bring home a baby longer than I have, and would love their advice.
I'm currently looking at my diary and feeling sad that I can't start IVF for another few months due to delays in my local area, and I recognise based on the experience of others on this forum that the journey could well be a long one.
I don't want to look back on the year and think I wasted my time moping about, but I'm struggling to find activites that make me feel like i'm living my best life. I'm quite introverted and don't often feel up to socialising when going through treatment, sadly a lot of nice holiday destinations are off limits due to Zika, and i'm not very sporty either. Planning things to do can also be tricky of course not knowing treatment timelines...Any tips maintaining a sense of self and sense of fulfilment from life are welcome!
Sending best wishes and masses of luck for us all going in to 2024 - it's got to be better than 2023!
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CarlottaD27
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I don’t have any positive suggestions I’m afraid. Interested to see what others suggest. I’ve been TTC for a few years and started IVF journey last October. 5 transfers (6embryos) later and still all I think about is build up to the next transfer and then the following journey. I’m at my worst when I don’t have something happening on the IVF journey. 😥
Gosh you’ve been through a lot in just over a year! I too find I always need a plan of action or next steps for treatment, but then when it doesn’t go to plan or gets delayed (like I found out today!) then it really annoys me and prompts me to think I should try and not fixate so much. It’s tough when it’s so all consuming. X
I’m impatient and when I want something I just go for it full speed - sometimes not always the best way! I think I found the hardest when I had a cancelled transfer so I totally get where you are coming from. But like you said, focusing on the next steps is something positive. I’m focusing on 2023 is almost over and 2024 surely has to be better!! X
I get that! I'm impatient and like having a plan and in the past i've been able to achieve my goals by working hard - fertility sadly doesn't work like that which is why it's so frustrating! Agree - 2024 has got to be better! x
I wish I had some better advice for you, but I don’t. All I can say is maybe find some new hobbies and interests- sometimes you have to get outside of your comfort zone. Book in dates when friends and family. Keep a sense of self. Think about what keeps you you aside from your TTC journey. This journey can be all consuming. I find it’s doing the same to me. Everything I do, I think about TTC. Over Christmas, I had a few drinks and thought well I’m definitely not getting pregnant for January, but I’m trying to not make it define me. I hope you find something. Take care and thinking of you x
Thank you! It’s good to know I’m not alone in feeling it’s so consuming.
It’s funny what you say about having drinks over Xmas. I think like that then I remember the cycle I conceived (which ended in a chemical loss) was in France when I drank and lived off of sugary croissants, so it was a good reminder that conception can be so much luck and chance rather than what we did or didn’t eat. Take care too and let’s hope 2024 is a lucky one x
I kept a diary for a while where I noted something to be grateful for every day. That was really helpful in helping me find my purpose. I also tried to ignore ivf when planning life so for example, I really wanted to move jobs but was worried about maternity pay entitlement, but I made myself just do it anyways. I also used to book lots of stuff anyways (like hen dos, holidays) and cancel at the time if dates didn’t work with appointments. I’ve had so many “water infections” to get out of things at the last minute that my friends must be seriously concerned for my bladder health! I’m not sure where you’re based, but there’s lots of European places that are Zika free for holidays. I also think perspective is important and training your thoughts to see life as purposeful (without kids at the moment) is really important.
I really like the idea of a gratitude journal, i stared it once but was never disciplined enough. I've also been on the fence about whether to apply for a new job - a new job would be more fulfilling and take my mind of fertility struggles, but of course comes with stress and uncertainty and potential loss of benefits like mat leave. I think you were brave in moving jobs and i'm beginning to think the same way - life can't be totally on hold! x
My gratitude journal was super short & I didn’t always complete it. I’m sure one night I wrote “I’m grateful for white wine” while a little tipsy! And as for the job, just do it! I moved two years ago after TTC for three years, and I only just got my first positive test 8 weeks ago. I really regret not moving sooner.
heya - I struggle a lot with this too, as I am also very introverted and work from home full time. I tend to book holidays (zika free ones) - we have 2 booked before our next transfer 😅🫠 and I try and do things that me and my husband wouldn’t necessarily be able to do if we had children - weekends away, dinners out, long hikes exploring new areas. I’ve also got quite into cooking and nutrition, focusing on my mental and physical health. Investing the time in myself and my relationship. Wishing you lots of luck x
Could you also maybe have a project at home? Like the garden? Change things around inside etc? We’re renovating which has really kept my mind busy when I’m not going ivf. I also have a vegetable patch at home which keeps me out and about 😅
I second this comment. I always make an effort to do things that would be more difficult to do with children. Booking last minute weekends away / spa days. I also enjoy having a lie in every day I'm not in work, followed by a long workout and a long dog walk. And I sometimes think it's important to allow yourself to just sit with the negative emotions and not try and distract yourself all the time x
Thank you for those really practical ideas - i'm also trying to focus more on nutrition so can seek getting into nutrition and cooking as a great project! I also like the mentality of enjoying things we couldn't do with a baby, as i'm sure some people with young children would envy the freedoms we still have. Where have you booked breaks away to? I'm keen to go away ahead of summer as i'll need something to break up the long wait until we get some sun in the UK! Best of luck to you too x
The cooking has really helped me, I bought some lovely cook books and love going to farm shops etc. I see it as a little project. Planning yummy nutritious meals and trying new recipes.
Yes absolutely, I really think making the most of this time with your partner or loved ones is so important. You don’t have to be overly social, just your partner or 1 or 2 people close. We booked Italy and Seychelles 🫣 we only splurged as we didn’t do a summer holiday last year and I did 3 egg collections and it honestly killed me, so I needed a treat. Plus like you say, finding somewhere long haul that’s zika free is hard!
Just make sure you look after yourself, anyone on this journey truly deserves it. We’re bloody strong and have been through so much heart ache. Xxxx
Those holidays sound fabulous, I’ve been to Mauritius which I expect is similar to the Seychelles! I’m looking at Chile (as it’s one of the few zika free in SA) as it looks like a very adults holiday that we couldn’t do with children. Plus I can’t convince my husband to spend a lot on another luxury Indian Ocean holiday too soon again. Taking care of mental health doesn’t always come cheap!
I’ve not started an IVF round yet, so part of me wants to get one of those done to learn a bit how I respond, but part of me also doesn’t want to put life on hold too much and miss booking holiday.
I’ve got a few weekend coming up so think I’ll also be trying to enjoy a slow shopping trip and learning to cook something new and challenging!
Thank you for your positive words, you’ve had one heck of a year by the sounds of it. Bring on 2023! X
Hello! I too didn’t want to look back and think I achieved nothing in all the years I have been trying to conceive so I started a charity for street animals in war torn countries over the last few years along side my actual day job I have very little spare time so going through IVF on my last round and getting a BFP was quite the surprise as I was sitting and having the intralips done I was texting a vet aboard on the right protocol for a dog that I was asked to help! I used my TWW to clean my house (Christmas ready) and planned my marketing activity for 2024. 500 lives saved so far -by the time I left the clinic on my transfer day (I was there for hours with the intralipds) the nurses, and doctors had all donated to my charity after being on this journey for 7 years we just live life like normal, do the things we want, without putting anything on hold as when we first started we had 2 years of nothing to show for it and it was so unpleasant for us, regrets and blame etc so now if we want to do something, we just book it and put ivf alongside it not in front of it. all the best for new year everyone!
That sounds like such a fantastic use of your time and mental energy! I totally agree that I’d hate to look back and think of wasted time, and I love that you can look back and think that maybe had you not been on this journey (although I know nobody would wish it upon themselves), then many of these lives would not have been saved.
I’m so pleased you got a BFP after a really long slog. Hoping the pregnancy is going smoothly and uneventfully x
It was so important to me to feel like we were LIVING instead of just existing while waiting to bring home a baby this year, and honestly it’s really helped my mental health. Last year we didn’t do anything as I was so convinced we were on the cusp of getting pregnant. This year, we did all sorts from booking comedy gigs and concerts, we tried out a new restaurant every month, we went to a festival (and I ended up having to inject stims in a portaloo, which I wouldn’t recommend 🥴), I grew tomatoes in our garden, I redecorated a couple of rooms. My partner had a big birthday so we went on a Zika-free trip to mark it. I also threw myself into work and managed to get an accreditation. In a weird way, it’s been one of my most productive years and I’m honestly proud of how much I’ve accomplished while also navigating multiple failed rounds of IVF. The key for us was being organised and booking things in advance. We took the approach that if it ended up clashing with treatment or we did get pregnant, we’d cancel. The only drawback is that our bank balance has taken a hit, but for me it was worth it xx
That’s totally the attitude I want to have this year but haven’t been bold enough to book concerts / holiday etc yet! The thought of you injecting in a portaloo 🤣
I’m keen to go to Greece island hopping in the summer so might see if I can find refundable / cancellable hotels. I really enjoy planning trips too so it’s another good distraction! Best of luck for 2024 x
I’ve been to see as many gigs as I possibly could, and still went on holidays. I agree with what others posters have said- do all the things you want to do that having kids would make difficult! I didn’t want to look back and realise I’d put my life on hold.
My fertility journey was a long one and it took me a big chunk of time to realise that I didn’t have to put my life on hold whilst on that journey. I started planning events with friends and taking up new interests. I’ve always wanted a dog so got one. It was the best decision. He’s full of character and is hilarious and filled my life with joy. A year later, I got another dog. She’s a cuddly, softy. They have enriched my life in so many ways and have helped me not to dwell on what was missing. A few months later, I had a successful IVF round and now I am a mum. I must admit have 2 young dogs with a baby was initially challenging but my house now feels like a home if a little chaotic. One regret of mine is staying in a job I was not happy in just in case I got pregnant. Good luck with your fertility journey. I hope you are able to find some fun and joy along the way x
Hi Carlotta, the fact that you are thinking about this is a great start! Mine was a long journey and at the beginning I put everything on hold. Didn't apply for that promotion, wouldn't book a holiday, wouldn't even think about a quick weekend away because 'I might be pregnant' or having treatment. But the amount of times treatment plans change and usually due to things outside of your control, it really is best just to carry on with your normal life. Pregnancy and eventually a baby will fit in with you and your life anyway. So think about the things you DO like! If you're not sporty, don't worry about taking up a sport, just be you. What do you like? Holidaying seems good for you and yes there must be more non-zika places?? I bet there is a list? Book some, plan to meet friends and look more seriously at the job if you maybe want to change. Most only have to be in the job for 12 months by the time baby is born for the benefits... So unless you get pregnant in the first 3 months you might be safe anyway? And depending on the mat leave it might not make much difference?Go for it, do all your usual stuff. It's really hard and as I say I had everything on hold. But then I stopped, as I wasn't ever booking anything. I went on holiday. I missed one month of potential treatment but I just carried on next month. On my final successful one I went to a party the night before egg collection (and yep I was even drinking). Then before transfer I had a wedding, a 40th birthday and a weekend away. Ended up with transfer on our wedding anniversary and celebrated on the same day. We then went away the next weekend too to see friends (and I actually tested whilst away), low and behold this was the successful one!
I wish you all the luck in the world it is such a bumpy journey you need to remember who you are and what you love. When the baby does eventually come you'll be consumed with baby stuff for a while, so keep you in mind now and you'll be great xxxx
I set goals like finishing a Udemy course to learn something new and get a certificate. I also try to learn new crochet patterns and aim to finish some crochet projects. Having such goals take my mind away from the waiting period. I also volunteer for the church, that takes a lot of time and worries away. Nevertheless, there are times when I burn down with frustration.
Hi, i don't know how helpful it is to you but i prayed a lot when i was struggling to get pregnant and was determined to have a baby whatsoever.I also started to beleive that when you keep saying and asking the same thing the universe definately thrives to give it.
I have felt that personally also i read a lot and did a little research of my own to have my baby but truly believe that took me there and has helped me throughout holding my finger.
Never have i ever felt so confident in my life no i just went on and on and prayed i will be a mommy.
I wish you good luck and pray for all who are struggling and wants to be a mommy 2024 brings lot of luck and happiness in our lives.
Thank you, that is so true that what we believe can shape our mindset and our experience of life so much! Wishing you continued positivity and great news in 2024 x
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after being on this journey for 7 years we just live life like normal, do the things we want, without putting anything on hold as when we first started we had 2 years of nothing to show for it and it was so unpleasant for us, regrets and blame etc so now if we want to do something, we just book it and put ivf alongside it not in front of it. all the best for new year everyone! 
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What do you do when you have no/lost hope? 😥
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How do you cope with the long IVF waiting times?
What types of exercise do you do?
