Work related stress on World Mental Health Day- the irony 😔

[PurpleLove19]

I feel like I’m having a dejavu! If somebody would have asked me if I’d be in the position AGAIN I would have said I no!

I’ve worked so hard since being signed off before the summer holidays to be positive, good at my job and I’ve even started to enjoy my job again.

I had a punch biopsy on my cervix following an abnormal result on my smear. I felt so fragile afterwards, physically and mentally but I returned to work.

Turns out that when I returned the same day after my procedure, things had been changed without me knowing and I was basically spoken to about things not being good enough.

I had two panic attacks and I’m now signed off again!

This is the first time in a year I’m actually putting IVF on the back burner. I’ve accepted that we are not supposed to start before Christmas and I don’t want to until I am well both mentally and physically.

I’m exhausted and heart broken. Why do people have no compassion? At the moment I’m worrying about my absence now being at another trigger, no other employer will want me now and will I ever be able to get over this. My job is my life and yes our infertility has given me some bad days in the job but I’ve always worked so hard to be healthy and be the best I can.

My mental health was being treated, counselling, medically and keeping busy. Now I’ve been pushed into a dark place that I don’t see me coming out of anytime soon 😔

[Suzy86]

Hi Dace, I think we have spoken before, you’re a teacher too right? I am so so sorry you are here again and I really admire you’re bravery in going back to work and starting to enjoy the job again. It is such a hard job to be around children all day, pregnant women, mums, go through IVF and just general TTC with the pressures of school on top. You are going through something so difficult and it is so difficult to keep going with teaching where you have to be consistent and not show your emotion. I don’t think senior management necessarily appreciate how hard it is to be struggling with TTC and being thrown in the lions den everyday no matter how understanding they appear to be. It is also a job where it seems nothing is ever good enough anyway, Constant scrutiny and being made to feel like you could and should be doing more is always an aspect of the job. I made the decision to leave and I battled on through to summer and I am now on a break. After one IVF and 2failed FETS in the space of 4 months I couldn’t do it anymore. I can totally relate to your panic attacks and anxiety, I was having them around the children on my worst days. I struggled to go in the staff room, I didn’t want to talk to anyone because all they would talk about is babies, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I put so much in to teaching and trying to be the best I could be I had nothing left in reserve for myself which then meant I couldn’t put my usual effort and joy into teaching because I was running on empty. Please don’t beat yourself up about being signed off, concentrate on you and getting yourself back in a good mental space. I know I haven’t really got any advice for you or help but I wanted you to know you are not alone.

[PurpleLove19 in reply to Suzy86]

Thank you hun. Yes I am a teacher. A bloody good one but my face mustn’t fit. So heartbreaking. X