Still waiting for baby #1 whilst everyone moves to baby #2

[KDA0510]

This is more of a rant post, so apologies if I sound like a negative Nancy. I have a group of woman I am friends with/know of in the TTC/IVF community and I am one of few that is still waiting to become pregnant. When the first time anyone from the group got their BFP, it was so lovely and always filled me with hope.

Now these same women are starting their IVF to try for their second babies and my heart just breaks (for me). Here I am waiting to see those two lines for our first bubba, and everyone else seems to be moving on to extending their family. I must sound really bitter and the truth is, I am a bit. I know these women have struggled too but as they move on to their second baby, it is difficult to not feel sad. Hoping our time is soon.

[Danascha]

Sorry to read this. If it's any consolation, they all say it's a numbers game. I am still waiting for my number 1 too and just had an unsuccessful 3rd icsi.

We'll keep going! It's okay to have bad days and meh days but we shall keep marching on and remain positive.

I do hope you feel better soon.

*Big hugs*

[KDA0510 in reply to Danascha]

Thank you lovely and sorry to hear about your 3rd icsi. Best of luck for your future family 💖

[Manu16]

I know how you feel and I think it is absolute normal. This is such a difficult process but you will get through it. Stay positive, there’s hope and it will happen one day for all of us xx

[KDA0510 in reply to Manu16]

Thank you hun. I was immediately okay after a good cry that eve - it still hurts but you're right, we will get through it xx

[Hidden]

It's natural to feel like that as it shows that you want that for you as well.

[KDA0510 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you lovely x

[Baypony]

I totally understand where you are coming from. My own journey has taken 7 years. In that time one friend in particular has gone from being single, met someone got married, brought a house, had 2 kids and is now separated! I also recall my best friend ‘popping in’ and when I asked her if she wanted tea she casually told me she couldn’t have it because she was pregnant and had terrible morning sickness. Baby wasn’t planned etc. I tried so hard to not have a complete meltdown then and there, and graciously congratulated her. All I could visualise was punching her square in the face and calling her all sorts of names. I didn’t of course. When she left I cried for hours. Then when she wanted to meet up after I made some fantastic excuses. The best thing I found was to step away from the people constantly having babies around me, as I just needed the space. Luckily I have a job where I do 24/7 shifts so I could use that as my main excuse to not reply to messages or meet up. In my experience things never got any easier so avoidance was the best thing and staying away from people’s success stories. None of us are sure how this journey will go, I just picked myself up after each trip up and carried on ploughing ahead. Wishing you all the best for your future IVF.

[Mary80 in reply to Baypony]

haha, you just narrated me here -

"I tried so hard to not have a complete meltdown then and there, and graciously congratulated her. All I could visualise was punching her square in the face and calling her all sorts of names. I didn’t of course. When she left I cried for hours."

I always ask God why HE has remained silent for 6 good years. I believe it will end in praise

[KDA0510 in reply to Baypony]

Ugh I have a friend at work who is pregnant and sometimes even hearing her voice makes me want to throttle her, lol. I obviously love her (she has been absolutely amazing with being sensitive etc) but it still hurts. Sending you lots of love and thanks for taking the time to respond xx

[Dolly8]

Totally ok to feel like this. I’m on here at the moment and I’m going for a baby number two. I always feel guilty talking of my struggles because I felt like you when I was deep in my struggle for a first. I felt that women with one already can’t possibly know or feel the same. I’d never forget that longing to be a mum. And the second time round it is different, but it’s not necessarily any easier. In fact for me, it’s not a selfish reason I want another, it’s for my daughter and my husband and the feeling of letting them down is so hard.

Anyway, I just wanted to say, I get ya. But stay focused on you rather than other people, someone gave me that advice and it really helped my mental health throughout this journey.

I’m truly hoping your time comes really soon, stay strong xxx

[KDA0510 in reply to Dolly8]

Thank you lovely - it's really helpful advice. It's so easy to start comparing but I do have faith that my time will come. It's just the waiting around for it that is painful (especially when you can't help but feel left behind). Best of luck with baby #2 xx

[Dolly8 in reply to KDA0510]

This process is so hard, only us who go through it understands. Protect yourself and I’m wishing you all the very best xxxx

[Bggy]

I'm so sorry. I am also hoping for # 1 while every single one of my friends have 2 or are expecting #2... I'm completely torn. It's been 3.5 yrs of trying including a miscarriage. I agree with another post here, I just began to avoid everyone with kids. It made me sad and tore down my mental health to consistently meet up. I always made up some excuse as to why I can't meet up and people eventually began asking where I've been. I just say oh you know how busy life can get and add lol at the end of a text. IDC how it makes anyone else feel, if your mental health is at risk, then you need to be the one to save it. No one else is going to do it. You take care of you first.

[KDA0510 in reply to Bggy]

I totally get this - luckily most of my friends who are mums totally 100% get it and support me from a distance, which I am eternally grateful for as I am not sure I would be able to face them in all their Mum-ness with their little one(s). Sending you lots of love and best of luck for your future family xx

[Mary80]

M dear I understand the feeling. Do I call it feeling? It's more of a heavy pain in the chest. You are talking about baby number 2 when people I started with are on their 3rd or 4th babies. There is no tears again to cry. I have been calling God hoping HE will pick my calls someday and all d women TTC.

[KDA0510 in reply to Mary80]

Gosh, it is difficult isn't it. Right now I do have faith that my time will come, it is just the waiting around for it that is difficult. Sending you lots of love and best of luck for your future family xx

[Hidden]

Hiya!

Yes I’m in exactly the same boat. I feel like I’ve spent the last 8 years with my head in the wrong place sometimes!

I just entered with a clinic that offers free Ivf to a lucky winner each year and I was asked to come to a consultation as this years applicant had dropped out. So I went but was told within 10 mins that we hadn’t qualified. Mine isn’t a straight forward case. My age, I have intramural fibroids and have had 3 miscarriages - so I can see they would rather offer a free IVF to someone else who doesn’t have any repeat challenges! ( not fair)!

I feel your pain. But we keep on.... x

[KDA0510 in reply to Hidden]

Oh that is really unfair! 'Rules' like that upset me and I am so sorry Sending you lots of love and best of luck for your future family xxx

[L400ynd]

I get it my lovely. It’s so hard. I’ve heard of 4 pregnancy announcements this week and I’m still waiting as well. It sucks. I can’t say anything that will make you feel better. Just that I get it and you are not alone. Xx

[KDA0510 in reply to L400ynd]

Ugh it's just the worst. For me, I hate hearing pregnancy announcements when I am not home or somewhere I can hide as I always burst into tears. Last time it was at work and I didn't even know the woman! Needless to say, I took myself home to work from home for the rest of the day. Sending lots of love x

[ZnonB]

Sorry to read this and sending a huge hug! Echoing what everyone else has already said on here and that we are here for your rant! This journey is unfortunately sometimes more anger and frustration than much else.

Let your anger out, but keep moving forward.

We can do this!! xxx

[KDA0510 in reply to ZnonB]

Thanks lovely! I just needed a good cry that eve. I have since, promptly picked myself up xx

[Georgie17]

I know how you feel. It is so tough. I am still waiting for baby number 1 and planning on my 7th transfer next month. It's so hard but we have to keep going to give ourselves a chance of being one of those who succeeds. Hang in there. Xx

[KDA0510 in reply to Georgie17]

Thanks for responding lovely, and best of luck for Lucky #7 🤞🏾 xx

[Georgie17 in reply to KDA0510]

thank you x

[Skippy1982]

Hey Kda, right there with you Hun and the other ladies above- waiting for baby number 1. It’s so hard this fertility journey really sucks but you have the right attitude believing that it will work for you at some point. I feel the same -if only we could fast forward through all the waiting and pain and know that everything will work out. Good luck to you xx