3rd cycle over

[Kdixxy169]

So I haven't posted anything during this cycle but feel I need to vent. Everything was so different this time. I didn't have any issues with meds in the run up to egg collection (no constipation yay), but egg collection was awful. Had to have extra pain relief but was still in loads and pain, all my follicles on the right side had collapsed and my left follicles had hidden up inside so they had to go hunting, did manage to get 5 eggs, but only 2 fertilised with icsi. Then had a 3 day transfer that was another nightmare as she couldn't get the catheter in in but after an hour we got there! So that resulted in 2 embryos on board. I had the best 2ww ever, returned to work part time as I was too tired for anything extra, was almost 100% it had worked had dreams about twins, dreams about scans etc.... So I was floored yesterday when I did a digital pregnancy test for it to say not pregnant, so contacted my hospital they did a blood test and confirmed negative, another failed cycle. So here I am now heartbroken, angry and not quite sure what to do with myself. I'm off work as I can't face people. I don't know where to go from here that's my 3 nhs trys over and I don't know if i can go through it all again....

[tinytim_3]

Sorry to hear your news. This infertility stuff is the worst! It's so hard to remain positive and not get disheartened. I think you're doing the right thing taking a few days off to let yourself recover before facing the world again. I often find that the hardest part. Hopefully watch some nice movies, have a good cry and look after yourself.

Take some time out before you think of your next step. Allow yourself some grieving time x

[emu2016]

Hey Kdixxy, can’t pass without sending you love. Right now, drink the gin, eat the cake and as painful as it is financially (as you might need the money) book a little break away... we did Berlin for 4 nights. Was really worth it. Then reassess. If you feel up to it see if your hospital recommends another cycle or go private elsewhere for an appointment (no commitment required). For us our hospital had a consultant who worked privately elsewhere and we fell under his remit. But take the time you need, that might be longer or shorter than you think. Don’t go back to work until you are really ready either. I’m here if you need me x

[LeBonBon]

I’m so sorry to hear this - a failed cycle is always hard, as you put everything in to it mentally and physically and have so much hopes pinned onto it.

I know exactly how you feel and have been there myself - I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. I took the 3rd fail the hardest out of all of them and really wasn’t sure if I could carry on with treatment after that. We did 3 ICSI cycles back to back but after that we decided to take a 6 month break from it all, as it was all just too much. It really did help me to have some ‘time off’ from the whole IVF rollercoaster. I also took time off work so that I didn’t have that stress on top of what we were going through.

It’s all going to be raw for you now so take some well deserved time out and have time to yourself to be ‘normal’ and do nice things for yourself and your OH, that doesn’t revolve around IVF. You will know if and when it’s time to try again, once you’re ready.

Thinking of you and sending big hugs - am here if you ever need to talk xx

[Jaygee]

Hi ya. I can imagine you are so frustrated right now and confused. It’s a horrible thing to go through and I don’t have any words to make it better but maybe a break for a while before looking at other options x

[Hidden]

So sorry to read this, my 3rd cycle failed in July so I know exactly how you feel. Mine was also a really tricky EC and I ended up with internal stitches due to a heavy bleed. I was convinced I couldn't do another round and just wanted to run away from everyone and everything and never see anyone again.

A bit like LeBonBon said we decided we needed to take some time off and get away from things so booked a last minute holiday (booked on the Sunday flew on the Tuesday 2 weeks after failed cycle). I got hammered and cried constantly for the first 2 days (must have been great fun for my OH) and then suddenly on day 3 I started to enjoy just having a life without a constant focus on TTC, we had great days out and really nice meals every evening, and just started to get back to the two of us as we were before all this hard stuff started. I realised that there was a great life before we starting TTC, and whilst its still my life goal to have a family, my life did still continue.

When we came home we made a conscious effort to keep that positivity going and not talk about TTC and babies all the time, and agreed to have some time off TTC. its all gone a bit wrong in the last week or so (long story) but its done me, my OH, my body and our relationship the world of good, and I have gone from 'I can't do it again' to maybe in the new year I can... Give yourself a break and some TLC, its a tough journey. You don't have to make any decisions now, just take each day as it comes. Sending you huge hugs xx